A Scandal in Lutfi's Life: The Beginning

Before I start, I would like to clarify something. There was an entry 'Lutfi, In Dilemma'. Well, it has nothing to do with this. That dilemma involves different person, different relationship whatsoever. Ok now, allow me to begin...

It all started around 5 years ago. Can't remember the exact date. Pity. It could have been one of our anniversaries. I was in form 3 or form 4. My kak long bought home a computer. For the first time, we had a computer. Even better, there was an internet connection too! Yeyy! So I started exploring the computer since then. Sekarang ni celik IT!

I really can't remember how it all started. It was an era of chit-chatting. I got myself into this stuff too - MIRC. The Internet Relay Chat. Some of my friends did too. We had fun chatting with each other though we saw each other in class everyday. Stupid, eh? Even more stupid, go to class the next day and talk about what we chat last night. Haha. But hey, it was really fun. Sometimes, we met new guys or girls, nice people, but there were annoying people as well. Good old days~. Hmm...a lot of things happened in that cyberspace...

My nickname was 'illuthive', originated from the word 'illusive'. Merged it with my name 'lutfi', I came out with 'illuthive'. Nice nickname. Yepyep. A nice one indeed. **Haha, masuk bakul angkat sendiri.** Hey, at least someone was attracted. There was a girl.

Ehem ehem...I didn't mean to attract anybody ok...I chat to get some new friends. Doesn't matter if it's a girl or a guy. Unlike most of the chatters that time. The guys, started conversation with a/s/l? which means age/sex/location? After they knew I was a guy. Bye!

Ok, back to the story. That girl...'******_******'? I think that was her nickname. At first, she was mad at me. She said 'hi' to me the night before but i didn't answer. She thought I was those kind of ego, arrogant guy, think too highly of myself. Actually I was away from the computer for a while. By the time I came back, she's not there anymore. I apologized. As simple as that, we became friends. She told me she was attracted to my nickname. and her name is *** *****. From *******.

Life goes on as usual, except that I always chat with her. We became good friends. Sometimes I receive snail mails from her. She was really open and she sure talks a lot. Don't get us wrong, we never had any feelings to each other. Just good friends. Well, u know me, I don't really care bout all that love2 stuff. She? I was pretty sure she didn't think bout all that stuff either. The uniqueness in our friendship at that time is that we're very sincere in becoming friends. We've never met, never seen any pics of each other, never even heard of each other's voice. Everything was typed/written and read. We promised not to cross those 3 boundaries - meet, pics, call. Even without all that, she became my best friend.

Since that day. We keep contacting each other, via chatting, mails or e-mails. She went into Matrik Kementerian. I got myself into Matriculation Center of IIUM (UIA). During that time, we lost contact for a short while. But then, we reconnected. Via e-mails of course. The era of MIRC was over after SPM. Then we got ourselves handphones. Things got much easier. It's good to have technologies, isn't it? Our relationship? Still as usual, Best friends. Then she made it into UTM. Me? In UIA lah! (to be continued...)

A Scandal In Lutfi's Life: The Prologue

ehem ehem...I have a special girlfriend now.

Any difference in Lutfi?

I wonder, do I look different these few days?

Or I'm still the old usual Lutfi u know.

^_^

Lutfi is the Only One Left!

So much happy things happened. Guess I'm always blessed by Allah. What happened? Hohoho...Two more of my bros got married. One on Christmas eve(24th December 2005), the other one on the second day of Chinese New Year(30th January 2006). Haha, what a coincidence. Pandai betul pilih tarikh. Kenduri kat rumah was on 31st january yang lepas. Kira buat sekali la dua-dua tu, boleh dikatakan abang dan adik kawin sekali la.

My 4th bro and his soul mate

My 5th Bro and his soul mate

I have 5 big brothers. Big family, eh. One of them,2nd bro, Zulkifli, died young due to fever. 4 left.

1st and 3rd bro got married in 2001. Yang ni dulu pun kawin sekali. Kenduri sekali. 1st bro got married to Sabahan, from Sampoerna. 3rd bro with Kelantanese, Kubang Kerian to be exact. 4th bro, also witk a Kelantanese, from Pasir Puteh. Finally, my last sis-in-law is from Kajang, Selangor, married to my 5th bro. Semuanya boleh dikatakan ada rupa la.


FYI, all of em only knew their spouses less than a year before they got married. Meaning? I mean, there were no lovey-dovey stuff. U know, cintan-cintun semua tu. Even if there were, only for a short while, few months at most. So different from the trend nowadays. Well, there are few assumptions that can be made.

1. They didn't have enough money before.

2. They were too busy with works.

3. They just couldn't find that right person.

4. They don't like cintan-cintun.

5. They don't care about girls, like girls are the last thing on their mind.

6. They are better Muslims, avoiding adulteries (zina).

7. Mom didn't say anything.

8. They didn't care about all these stuff, until they thought it's time to do so.

Well, for the 1st bro, my sis-in-law made the big move. bold eh. 3rd bro was match-made(btul ke pekataan ni?) by my uncle. 4th bro was match-made by mom herself. But mom was only the initiator. The rest was completed by my bro himself. 5th bro found his soul-mate by his own. 4th and 5th bros did have another relationship before. Broke up.

Since all my bros already got married, in pairs. I have to do it solo i guess. No more guys in the family. Hoho.

Lutfi's Vacation in Langkawi

Langkawi! WOW! it's not that Langkawi is a very very very beautiful place. But it's because I had lotsa lotsa lotsa fun! it's been a while since my inner child came out and play. I mean, It's been a while since I had that much fun. I can forget all my worries. That's the point.

Langkawi is quite beautiful, and serene too. Peaceful. Almost the same as Terengganu. That's why I love it. It's just that foreigners were all over the beach, Pantai Chenang to be specific. I had to increase my iman in order to stay away from 'maksiat'. Wahaha...poyo je. No lah, they were not as interesting as I thought they would be. After a while, u won't even notice their existence. Btw, We stayed at Pantai Chenang, in 2 big chalets, or were they bungalows? Didn't matter, we all slept soundly every night.

Oho, lupa nak mention, we actually went there under the course 'biodiversity'. It's actually a field trip to collect samples for our studies, i.e. gamat, mudskipper(ikan belacak), and any creatures at Telaga Tujuh. Well, it seemed more like a short vacation to me. Not to mention the all the chocolates I bought. Puas ati makan coklat. huhu...Makes me wanna go there again! I've been trying to upload pics like..a zillion times!!...either i'm unfortunate or the internet line just sucks...I did manage to upload few pics....after spending a few stupid hours in the lab...

jambatan gantung atas puncak gunung!

If u go to Langkawi, make sure u don't miss this!

Makan besar, haha, on the expenses of the lecturers. Best woo...'gulai kalut' namanya. Memang kitorang makan dengan kalut pun. Lapar giler. Kedarah tak hengat dunia!

Dalam Cable car. Hoho. Tgh2 cuak pun boleh senyum lagi :) tinggi wooo..

Ni kat Porto Malai. I think it's Portuguese language for 'Port Malay'

Kat Telaga Tujuh. The whole excavation team, except sorang tak cukup. Sapa? Cameraman laa. Who the heck tu tatau laa.

View from 700m above sea level!

Ni kat jeti mana ntah, tgh tunggu bot datang, nak pegi Pulau Kentut Besar. Haha. Tu nama lama, Nama baru dia Pulau Intan Besar. Kira nak gi Mangrove la ni, cari mudskipper a.k.a. ikan belacak. Ikan tembakul pun sama ek? Eh ke lain. Lain laa...

This is my team, Team Andaman. Satu lagi Team Eagle. Of coz laa tak letak gamba diorang. Nak upload gambar ni pun separuh kudrat abis.

Well, insyaAllah I'll add more pics. Byk lagi gambar best. In the mean time, boleh jenguk2 blog fauzan dan blog biotechnologist-to-be

Lutfi, in Dilemma

Last night was very...blues.

Darn.

It's been quite a while since my last 'blues night'. U know, thinking deeply about life and relationship.

I'm not talking about the lovey-dovey thing here. However, it's close to that. But not exactly it.

I was studying for my environmental biotech quiz. Sambil dengar lagu jay chou and at the same time enjoying the soothing night. Then, out of a sudden, somebody crossed my mind. Ganggu je aku nak study....

It's a promise. A promise made about 5 years ago.

I've been holding to this promise ever since. Barely holding. Never ever had a chance to grab it tight. Tak tahulah salah di pihak siapa. Or maybe it's nobody's fault.

I never did take the promise as a play or something as to fill up my pasttime. In fact, I did take it seriously. Even though i'm not the one who requested this promise. I sincerely accepted and willing to commit to it.

I do meet that person once or twice a year. But as days go by, the promise seems to be fading as well. At least from my view, it is. I don't know what's on that person's mind.

The promise should make us closer to each other. Instead, We're getting more far apart.

I can't reach. That person didn't reach me too. I don't know whether the person tried or not.

When I remembered the promise, it makes my life miserable. Coz I don't think I'm fulfilling it. Nor did I try. I can't find the opportunity to even try. Was I given the opportunity? I didn't see any.

I don't want any more of this miserable promise.

Maybe the person doesn't even need it anymore. That's why things turn out to be like this.

I've been thinking hard, and deep.

I've decided.

Let go. I guess that's the best thing I should do. Let go of the promise.

It's only a matter of time till I see this person again.

The day we meet again, will be the day I break the promise. And let go.

Lutfi prejudges and is prejudged

Hmmm...hmmm...hmmm...dah lama tak update blog nie...rasa janggal plak...

Well...many things happened in this one n a half month...this new semester...new subjects...new tasks...new year...and many other new things...even new people...new faces...new friends...

Some of them are not really new frens. I've noticed their existence before, but they seemed a bit far away...Fortunately, they are getting closer. And closer.

Sometimes, it makes u wonder...when u first meet somebody, how do u appear to them? I mean, what's ur first impression? how about their first impression? How do they look at u? Can we get along? u know, things like that. And most of the times, we prejudge. Is that a bad thing?

Some of my friends asked how i thought of them when we first met. I found it difficult to answer. It's vague, I can't remember. I wondered why. Then I figured out why.

Personally, I don't think prejudge is wrong. It's a human nature. I don't think it can be avoided, by any means. At least for a second u meet someone new, u will prejudge.

What makes prejudge bad is if u stick to ur prejudgement all the time u're with that person. Even worse, when ur prejudgement turn out to be totally the opposite, u'll get that pathetic feeling. Like u are the worse being.

and so, I've found my answer. I do prejudge. But then I put it in the recycle bin. As a human, u can't just remove all ur memory, can u? Unless ur hard disk accidentally crash. God forbid.

Most of the times, I don't really care how people think of me. Except in formal occasion, because it involves other parties. But if it's just about me, I don't and I won't give a damn. I've heard a few prejudgement on me, told by my former-strangers-but-now-friends. I can really laugh about it. Coz in the end they found out that they were wrong. Totally. Hey, whoever read this, why don't u tell me what do u think of me the first time we met? That would be fun, i guess. It tickles.

Lutfi's Birthday - FYI, 21st November

HAHA...Looks scary, isn't it? Me, smiling, big time! with candles in the dark...don't look at it for too long, or u might get a nightmare tonite! haha...Where else can u see me smiles like that? Ahakzs!

But look closely...ohoo...it's a birthday cake! see it? Whose birthday? Mine lah...who else?

Guess it again! There was someone else's birthday! See that girl beside me? Well that's my twin sister!!

Ok, u can close ur mouth now...and aren't u tired opening ur eyes widely for that long? Blink! Relax.

Najihah, that's my sister's name. Born 5 years after me. Same date. Same Month. 1989. I bet none of u have the same birthdate as ur siblings! *Muahaha...I can really brag about this.* Unless u guys are twins lah *tak aci*.

Guess I'm still celebrating my birthday bcoz of her :)

There's another version of the above pic, with the lights on. But since my sis were not wearing tudung, I can't post it here. It's ok in the dark, right?

We didn't have a birthday party. Just cake, birthday boy, birthday girl, mom and kaklong.

My kaklong bought the cake. Well, she does that every year. She bought us gifts every year too *love her*. Her gift for our birthday are always some sort of weird souvenirs. Arkk! This year i got a small, battery-operated fan, with a clip. Haha. Weird enuff for me. The fan is like attached to this big clip. So it can be clipped anywhere I want :p

and oh, here's a pic of the cake. It's a blueberry cake. Yummy!

P&G bkn Procter & Gamble tau! That's our shortest nickname.

P/s: I'm too lazy to blog lately...this entry should be posted last week... :p

Lutfi, getting to know himself

Got this from Ati, a classmate of mine from http://biotechnologist-to-be.blogspot.com . Tak perasan plak this link takde in the list of links in my blog :P

7 things to accomplish before I die:

1. Pegi Umrah, pastu pegi Haji! Ni je laa satu lagi rukun tak tercapai...isk isk...
2. Financially independent...retire young...
3. Have a big house, maybe a bungalow, on a peaceful land - most probably in Terengganu!
4. Have a wonderful wife and kids
5. Discover something new and beneficial to mankind (related to biotechnology)
6. Travel the world!
7. I want my kaklong to get married...it's not within my power though...arkkk...

-byk lagi nak buat, but these are the top priorities. Some can't make it to the list coz they are too impossible :P

7 things I really really can't do

1. Makan hati except if i participate in fear factor
2. Do drugs
3. Kill a human, and most of the animals on earth
4. Murtad
5. Ban anime & manga from my life
6. Betray my 'nakama'
7. Pecah amanah...haha, cam baik jer :P

-byk lagi takleh, but these are the top priorities

7 thing I really really can do:

1. Makan
2. Stay up
3. Bangun lewat
4. Play with fire
5. Go out and have some adventures
6. Watch anime & read manga!
7. Looking at jang nara's face :P

-Of coz, i really really can do a lot of things...

7 celebrity crushes:

1. Jang Na Ra

-yepyep. Only one. I really really can't find anyone else eligible for this category.

7 things that attract me to the opposite sex:

1. Fun to be with
2. Her face
3. A bit boyish
4. Tabah
5. Her Kindness
6. A color (haha, i won't tell)
7. Everything else that makes a woman, woman.

7 favourite words at the moment:

1. Uikss...
2. Arahetta (japanese term for i'm hungry - if i'm not mistaken)
3. Sometimes...
4. Yepyep (yes)
5. Celake (pengganti utk perkataan 'sial' or 'siot')
6. Hohoho
7. Yo!

-Actually, it took me hours to finish this. Haha... A waste of time?...not really. At least i get to know myself better :)

Inside Lutfi's Closet

Semalam kemas2 almari sikit...almari tu tak lebar, but it's as tall as i am, 5 tingkat. 4 tingkat yang bawah simpan baju2. The top one tempat utk simpan macam2, apa2 sahaja selain drpd baju.

Kemas2 tu, terjumpa laa kaset M. Nasir yang dibeli masa matriks dulu - Prahara Seni Abadi. Kompilasi beberapa buah lagu terbaik M. Nasir. I said to myself...Ado sini ruponyo **Kat umah cakap kelantan, my slang changes depending on my surrounding, even though it's a monolog. It could be kelantan, terengganu or KL. It can also be in english or sometimes chinese, or some japanese words i know** ... I've been looking for it for quite a while...hmm...correction, not really looking for it...haha...i should say I've been wondering where it is for quite a while. But who cares anyway. I've found it!! and that's the only thing that matters!

Then, I found another cassette...Phoenix Bangkit, also Sifu M. Nasir's...haha...yepyep, I'm a huge fan! I start listening to songs since form 3 I guess. Kecik2 dulu tak layan sangat lagu2 ni..dengar gitu-gitu je. So these two cassettes are the 2nd and 3rd cassettes i bought in my life. The 1st one was Linkin Park : Hybrid Theory. Man, worth every sen! I bought the special edition one with 2 extra songs - My december and High Voltage. But it's gone. I only found its cover in my closet **sob...sob..** ;( Nah, it'll come back to me someday.

Saya tak dengar radio kat rumah...dengar radio dalam rumah sekali sekala je, that's if the Tv has nothing good on. But in the car, it's a must! and of course, same goes for cassettes, mostly in the car. What else can I do in a car? driving? Oh...driving...ok, nevermind. or some of u might say boleh berzikir or things like that... :p Well, that's true too.

Anyway, today, I drove my mom to Pasar Besar Kedai Payang **it's a famous big market for tourists and also for local needs**. So I got my chance to listen to the ol cassette. It really made my day. Listening to some of the M. Nasir's masterpiece. Heaven! His old songs can really touches ur soul. Suatu Masa. Sentuhan Listrikmu. Yang Bertakhta Akhirnya and many more. Am I too melancholic? or jiwang? haha...I'm not in love laa...never have been pun...I'm just saying that...his songs are the real work of arts! the lyrics, the arrangement of songs are all superb. Haha, my artistic side. Yepyep, I do have the artistic side of me. Even the issues and the way he delivers the issues. All are unusually unusual **can I really use this phrase? :p**. If Hyde is for Arshana, Ramli Sarip for Nurul, Bryan Adams for Ati, then M. Nasir is definitely for me!

LICIK?: Lutfi gives explanation...finally.

Dear biotechnologist-to-be (my batch), remember this conversation between me n Fauzan?

Fauzan: Lutfi, Budak pompuan kelas kita ada merancang sesuatu
Lutfi: Aku dah agak dah (sambil penumbuk tangan kanan dilepaskan ke tapak tangan kiri). Budak pompuan kelas kita mmg licik.

Pastu Fauzan letak dialog ni dalam blog dia.
Haha. Then u girls were kind of 'melenting' and maybe a lil bit mad, frustrated etc. Why? Because of the word 'licik'. It's been an issue. Then isu ni cam dibesar-besarkan sket. Then ada laa jugak sindiran2 menyerang. I couldn't care less. I don't think that I'm the one at fault. Frankly speaking, masa tu cakap dalam hati, (dan siap gelak2 lagi (pun dalam hati)) :"Isk isk isk...benda camni pun boleh dibesar-besarkan...pompuan...pompuan..."
But at the same time, it was kinda fun. To me, it's fun when people thought wrong about me, but I know i wasn't wrong,

Ok. I hate giving explanation. But I can't just sit down and hope people understand everything I do, can I? Haha, of course I can. But this time I choose not to. Actually I promised few people to give this explanation. Kalo ikutkan hati, I'd just let it be. Don't care much of this "small small thing". So, here goes.

First of all, I bet none of u know how I talk to my close frens. Can't blame u all since me myself dun really talk much with any of u. Secondly, words on a computer screen have no sound and no tones, u can read it in any tone u want. Angry? serious? or perhaps joking tone?

When I talk to a close friend, I tend to exaggerate a statement negatively. I dun think this is unusual though. Most people do this same thing, at least the guys. I wanna make it clear here, most of the negative things I said, if not all, are not real. I don't mean it. Ok, for example:

Fauzan: Weh, ikut aku kejap.
Lutfi: Tak nak! ko mesti nak bawak aku pegi tempat2 maksiat ni...aku tak sangka kau dah jadi camtu skrg...isk isk isk...(lepas tu baru tanya,) nak pegi mana?

Atas tu contoh aje...tak pernah ada pun conversation camtu. But this kinda conversation is common! at least for the guys. Mana laa nak tau pompuan cakap camana ngan kaum sniri, kan?

Then u might ask..."isk isk...apsal lutfi/guys cakap camtu? teruknya...tak baik...bla bla bla bla(pompuan suka cakap panjang...haha :p)."

My answer: Life would be too dull if u talk straight. Takkan nak cakap dgn "skema" kut? Contoh perbualan yang diubahsuai:

Fauzan: Budak pompuan kelas kita ada merancang sesuatu.
Lutfi: Oh, ye ke? Diorang rancang apa?
Fauzan. Diorang rancang nak buat picnic kat FRIM
Lutfi: Oh, bagus lah.

Instead, I add some spice in my conversation, saying budak pompuan kelas kita mmg licik. What happened? I made Fauzan laughed. See? Instead of having a boring conversation, I make a person laugh out of that conversation. Why did he laugh? He knew I was joking! and I really was joking!

Secondly, in my opinion, how u read the words on a computer screen is based on ur feelings, ur thoughts and ur trust on me, and also how deep u know me. If u think I meant it when I said 'licik', then u don't know me, or u don't trust me. U might not know me deeply, but people say friendship is based on trust. I don't blame anyone. u don't know me that well, so i'm still a stranger, so u don't trust me. My conclusion would be as simple as that.

Finally, if u don't trust this long explanation of mine. I don't mind. Really. U can keep on with the misunderstanding. It won't harm me. I'm not even explaining this for my sake. For friends who understand, I appreciate that. Peace! Roger and out.

Lutfi's personality tests - very doubtful though

Hoho...jumpa mende alah ni kat blog mirul...aku pun acu cuba try test laa...cambest jer...

You Are 70% Weird

You're so weird, you think you're *totally* normal. Right? But you wig out even the biggest of circus freaks!

How Weird Are You?

You Are Chinese Food

Exotic yet ordinary.People think they've had enough of you, but they're back for more in an hour.

What Kind of Food Are You?

You Are 80% Boyish and 20% Girlish

You have a tough exterior - and usually a tough interior to match it. You're no nonsense, logical, and very assertive. Sometimes you can't understand women at all, even if you're a woman yourself. You see things rationally, and don't like to let your emotions get the best of you.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

You Are 20 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Lutfi's Family @ Raya

My family - revealed. Who would have thought, a boring guy like me have such a wonderful family. Or perhaps, i never was a boring guy. Anyway, this entry consist of pics n more pics than any of my other entries before. Why? Coz now I have a digicam!...Nah, it's not mine. My kaklong yg punya. Dan saya sbg adik mithali telah menggunakannya dgn cemerlang. yepyep, u read it right - adik mithali. Hohoho. But most pics can't be shown here coz my mom n sis were not wearing their tudung. But still, all my family members are here in this blog, except my 2nd bro who already passed away...and my oldest bro yg beraya kat umah mentua dia tahun ni...kat Sabah...anak sedara saya pun dibawaknya skali...isk isk...tak patut betul...ok, leave that behind...the show must go on!...scroll down, babeh!!

ni takde kaitan dgn raya :p Tp kura2 ni betul2 punya...bukan patung mainan my sis yg bela. 3 ekor semuanya.

My 5th bro (Abe K) *since my family rooted kat sebelah kelantan, abang is pronounced as abe* - tgh kacau kuah untuk letak atas puding

Ini le pudingnya...namanya 'puding trifle'...kalau tak silap laa..mane laa aku tau

This is my 3rd bro (abe ju) n my sis (najihah) - tgh anyam ketupat. Haha, I managed to finish 2 ketupat. Took me ages to learn. Duh.

Tgh cucuk daging ayam dgn lidi! What for? Sate laa ape lagi...

Ni laa sikit2 kuih2 ngan kerepek. Kerepek yg 3 bekas sebelah kanan tu aku dah abiskan. Best sioott!

Ini aku. In case korang tak kenal/tak cam. Tgh buat apa? Tgh test kerepek. Aku agak cerewet, so test2 aje dah abis setengah bekas :p

Tangan siapa? My 5th bro n my kaklong. My bro hadiahkan kaklong a bracelet ( is that a bracelet? tatau laa istilah aksesori kaum hawa ni)

From left: my adik (Najihah), my 4th bro (Abe Ma) n my sis (kak N)

From left: Lutfi, Kak N, Kaklong and Abe K

Yang nampak sipi2 tu my akak ipar(kak ratna), Yang baju melayu segak tu my 3rd bro (tgh prepare sate untuk dibakar). Guess who's beside him?

A family photo. Malas ah nak mention balik semua nama

Another family photo. This time gaya bebas. Tp my bro sorang tak sempat enter frame. wakaka.

Kaum hawa in my family

Ni bukan awek saya ni...May I present...my mom!! Guess how old she is?!

Me & my beloved mother.

*background to just 5% of pokok2 bunga mak saya*

LUTFI REGAINED THE LEAD, AGAIN.

MUAHAHA... SUPPOSEDLY, I SHOULD BE SAYING STUFF LIKE SELAMAT HARI RAYA OR MAAF ZAHIR BATIN...BUT THIS IS ALMOST AS IMPORTANT... DEAR FAUZAN, I TOOK THE LEAD, AGAIN!! HAHA... JUSTICE PREVAIL... HAPPENED ON 29TH OF OCTOBER 2005. SO HAPPY...HAPPY HAPPY...YEYY!! SELAMAT HARI RAYA & MAAF ZAHIR BATIN TO EVERYONE!!!

Lutfi felt blessed

Everytime I have difficulties...Instead of giving up hope, I tried my best to overcome it...though in the end I wasn't sure whether it will turn out the way I want it to be.

Maybe my life is influenced a lot by the spirit of anime. Ya know, things like never give up, importance of nakama **it means friends or comrades** etc. Watching anime does affect my life in a good way and I'm blessed with various sources of anime. But this is not the issue today.

What I meant by blessed is the way how things always turn out to be better than expected. The situation like u thought u're dead meat but then it turns out to be ok, fine, if not better. When I'm in a critical situation, I managed to overcome it.

I believe it's not merely due to my sole effort.

Sometimes, when things can't be helped anymore and I just tawakkal and let it be, it ended up fine.

So what could be the reason?

I believe it was a blessing from Allah s.w.t.

When we succumb ourselves to Him, pray to Him after we've tried our best or when we have no other way out, things usually goes smoother and better. I'm not saying that i'm a very Islamic person. Solat sunat takde laa buat sangat pun. Tapi solat wajib mmg laa tak tinggal.

One more thing that makes me feel blessed is that maybe some people out there are also praying for my sake. My mom, siblings, my frens, my secret admirer **maybe jangnara...wahaha...saje je perasan** ...So, thank you all for helping in making my life easier... waaa...terharu...

Lutfi Got A Gift

If u were given a gift, then u should really take good care of it, right? Although at the beginning u don't really want it. Although the gift might be a burden to u. It is still a gift. Lemme give a simple example. I don't hate cats. But I don't love them as much as I wanna keep one. Then one day, as I open the door, there's a cat in a beautiful box in front of my door. I dun even know who put it there. I have enuff problems with my studies, my work and my other commitments. What should I do? Throw it away? Of course not. Even though I never intend to have a cat in the house, I can't just throw it away. Is it coz of love? Is it coz of responsibility? Or is it just another unexplainable human nature? So, in the end, I'll just take care of that cat, sincerely. It's no use keeping that cat with regrets and without sincerity. Why? Coz if there's no sincerity, there'll be no love, and I might hurt that cat for no apparent reason. So, I accept the cat as a member of the house. I think the cat might lighten up my life. Of course there will be ups and downs. The cat might even pee on the sofa. So there will be times when I have to be wise and serious in teaching the cat. Although I dun like them to come out, but I guess the genes that code for wise and seriousness will be expressed more often from now on. But still, I'll try to have fun with this new pet of mine.

Blurry Blurry Lutfi

I thought I had something to write about...but after I opened my blog...I don't know what to write...so I end up with this pointless entry. So...hmmm....jap...pikir...ettooo...ermmm...ok...let's find the good parts of this tragedy, i mean this blurry tragedy. The moral of this tragedy is that u might get the Alzheimer disease anytime, so hold on to your precious memories...haha...just kiddn'...However, it's true dat we never know what u got till it's gone...but if u lost your memory, u won't even know dat something is missing...This leads us to our lives itself...Life is short...So, don' take for granted on all the things happened to you. Whatever you are going through...whether it's good or bad...I dare to say dat it's a good thing. I hold on to my faith that Allah isn't cruel. Therefore, whatever happens to me, sad or happy, good or bad, I'll accept it as my precious memories. But of course, we need to put an effort to improve our lives...

When Lutfi got Bored

Sometimes...don't u think your life is too plain?...i do...sometimes...tido bangun pegi kelas makan ngadap com buat assignment buat report main game tengok anime...it's like a cycle...huh?...it is a cycle...nothing big happen...just enuff for me to be considered as a living organism. This is too plain...i'm getting bored day by day...

Sepatutnya ada perkara-perkara yang menarik berlaku...ade bangunan uia terbakar ke, bas yg aku naik accident ke...sesat dalam hutan ke...bergaduh ngan orang ke...satu kolej kena kacau ngan hantu ke...I dun wish for anybody to get hurt or die...but it would be more interesting if accidents occured once in a while. Now i sounded like a psycho :P ... Tapi takleh ah slalu sgt, nanti hilang harapan nak idup plak...and lLike i said earlier, i wish for accidents or incidents or mishaps or whatever u may call it, but i hope nobody would get hurt or die in it, even myself, i dun mind having a scratch or bleeding :p ... blood can be reproduced by the body...no worries..haha.. :p

We need some excitements in our life once in a while. Then you'll feel really alive. Some sez you need love to make you feel alive. But i'd say even love could be plain sometimes. Then you'll end up looking for excitement again...new love? haha...I'll leave it to the people in love. I'm not in that stage yet.

Kadang-kadang...when i'm on the bus, i wish bas tu terbalik or something...crazy isn't it...On a motorcycle, I wonder what'll happen if i jump from the motorcycle...still don't have the gut to jump though :p ... In a bank...will there be a robbery today?...Last time, I was so damn bored. Then there's this pizza box. I remembered having matches in my drawer. I took it out and burn some papers in the box...the fire was small but somehow it seemed beautiful at that time. Then the box itself started to burn...sedar tak sedar there's already a hole underneath it. The best thing is my 'cadar' also got a hole, made by the fire of course. But for some reason i hesitated and just sit there and thinking how beautiful it was...haha...i really was calm at the time. I wonder why. Maybe I was feeling an excitement out of a boring day. Then a friend of mine - Fauzan- got worried ***Arkkk lutfi ang buat apa nie!! ang gila kaa? Padam woii!!*** (b4 dat dia tgh main game so tak peduli sgt aku tgh buat apa..ahakzs!) so I threw the pizza box outside the window...lagipun my mattress would catch fire if i didn't do it...haha...it was quite a memory...don't be too close to me or one day u might get hurt for no reason.

CADAR AKU...muakaka...lubang nie kecik je sebenarnya

Lutfi's inside: Friends..

I wonder what a bestfriend is. I'm certain that i have many good friends. People around me mostly are my good friends, even if sometimes i don't speak much with them, but i do consider them my good friends, regardless of the true meaning of the term 'good friends'. It's an intuition i guess. But what about bestfriends? I don't know how to interpret that term. My intuition can't reach that part. What should a bestfriend do? Be there everytime i need them? However, i do have a few people that i consider as my bestfriends. I wonder why though. What do they have? Don't ask me if u are one of my bestfriends. One thing for sure is they don't have to be physically close to me. They don't have to do anything big for me...so why then? Why don't u ask urself, do u have a bestfren? If you don't, do u feel some pressure inside, trying to come out. But you don't know what the pressure is...is that loneliness?

Lutfi wen:"Ni Hao Ma?"

I'm a biotechnologist-to-be, but i don't know which one is the dominant trait - big eyes or small eyes. Regardless, I have small eyes. That's what people around me said. In other words, they said I'm a chinese, or my dad, or my mom, is a chinese. It's been going on like this since i was a kid. Back then i looked even more chinese than i am now ^_^ Luckily I have malay skin. The malay-called *sawo matang* skin. A bit tanned. Actually I wonder if it's a luck, coz for that reason, some called me "cina kampung" *Haiya!*

Almost all my teachers asked me whether i was a pure malay, whether one of my parents was a chinese. Even on a bus a chinese makcik asked me whether i was a malay or a chinese. As far as i know, I am a pure malay. My parents are malays. My grandma do look like a chinese lol :p But she's a malay.

Latest issue came from my lecturer, Dr. Huzwah.

I was absent on the day when my class had a quiz on tissue culture. So a few days after that, I asked for a replacement quiz. It was fine until that. Then my classmate went to the office and bump into her. She asked him about me. This is how she asked:" Siapa budak muka cina yang belum ambik kuiz tu?" I laughed hysterically when my classmate told me bout this. *tergolek arek*

But truthfully, I don't mind at all being wrongly labeled as a chinese. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that being chinese is better than being a malay or vice versa. It's just that it doesn't matter what my race is. I am who I am. How I look doesn't concern me much. It's what I do that makes me who I really am.

Since i studied in SRJK (C) Chung Hwa Wei Sin, I think it's a privilege having small eyes. Or maybe not. My chinese friends aren't racist though. Even the teachers there were nice people, especially my form teacher. She really was a nice lady. Even cared about my religion more than I did, she scolded me if I skip my Pendidikan Agama. I don't think it's because of my eyes. They were nice to me because they really are nice people. That's what I believe. Haha. Good old days! Kinda miss it. I think i'm gonna pay my teacher a visit during chinese new year next year!

Now, to be able to speak chinese and befriend with chinese, listening to chinese songs - these things make me more chinese...hahaha... and to be frank, I'm more interested in chinese girls than malays.*Korean or japanese would be fine too**jangnara jangnara!* . The best part is my mom bagi greenlight aje...yosha!...haha...Since I don't want to get involved in 'that troublesome world' yet, I'm safe here in UIA..yepyep...only few chinese can be seen here. I wonder why myself...i don't know what part of them interests me :p Ehem ehem, to my chinese frens (girls), don't worry laa, I won't just go and 'kacau' any of you.

Nevertheless, Im still a malay, not to worry. But races doesn't really mean anything to me. I just wanna be a good muslim, and hope that everyone can get along together ^_^