she : episode 5

We walked and walked. A short walk, but it felt so long, and so lonely.

It was difficult. Her hands kept slipping from mine. Her repetitive questions of inconfidence kept on flowing out from her mouth. I told her this,"Grab my hand tight." But she never did. Oh God, what should I do?

Until one time,the 3rd of March 2007. We got really lost. At a turn even I do not know of. It wasn't even our path. There, she said to me,"Let go of my hand. Go for other girl."

And the trust i rebuilt out of the broken pieces, this time, shattered irreparably.

Tired. Drained. Exhausted. Simply, numb. I just couldn't feel her anymore. So I answered like I always did,"Yes, dear."

she : episode 4

Yes, she came back. She felt bad. I stayed calm. Took a deep breath. I remembered the 5th of February.

If you reach out
I will hold your hand
If you hold my hand
I will embrace you
If you embrace me
I will give you my all

I still love her. So i forgave. I build up my trust again, and gave it to her, once again. I held her hand and she walked beside me, trying to be like how we used to be. But she always tried to slow down her pace. Walking together, but somehow I just felt alone. And of course, those questions never ceased to stop. "Do you really wanna walk with me?" And as always, my answers never pleased her inquiries.

She : Episode 3

One year. More than a year actually. 5th of February 2006 till 3rd of March 2007. Yep, we've been walking together that long. It was great. But the journey was tough in the end. Cuts and cries. Hurtful. But she kept asking,"Do you really wanna walk with me?" and so on so forth. and I kept answering,"Yes, dear." and so on so forth.

I was always holding her hand. But somehow, she slipped away. Again and again. I began to wonder,"Am I the only one reaching out my hand? Why am I not feeling hers holding mine anymore?"

Then, i couldn't find her beside me. I looked around, eagerly, anxiously, with thousand kinds of feelings racing in. And there she was, far away, in the embrace of another person. My hand had never felt so empty, but yet so heavy.

Trust? Broken.

After 3 days, she came back to me. Crying.

She : Episode 2

5th of February 2006. Yes, she found the key, unlocked the door, guided me out. I was glad. I met a lot of people who i used to only see from afar, unreachable through the small window of my beautiful house. And so I trusted her, wholeheartedly.

We seemed enjoyed walking together, but she kept asking me,"Do u really want to walk with me? Why don't you walk with her? or her? or her? or her? or her? or her? They're much better than i am. Are you sure u wanna walk with me? Really? Go for other girl. They're much much better. You don't want to walk with me. Are you sure? You can go to other girl. I'm not good enough for you. Really. Go for other girl. Go for another girl. I know you don't want to walk with me. Go."......"Do your really wanna walk with me? Are you sure?"

And my answer was always,"Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes, dear. I want to walk with you. I am certain. Only you. Just you. I do not want other girl. You, you, you, you, you, you. No other but you. Just you."......"I really want to walk with you."

And we kept walking, hand in hand. She talked a lot, and i listened joyfully. I talked sometimes, but she never really listened.

She stumbled, and i held her hand, helped her up. When i was down on my knees, she held my hand and got me back on my feet.But the questions never ceased to popped out from her mouth. And I too never stopped giving the same answers...