Earth Hour - Frustration in Terengganu!

I am utterly disappointed with Terengganu! Ampeh betul.

But I am proud with myself and my family! At exactly 8.30pm tonight, we switch off all the lights in our house in support of THE EARTH HOUR 2009! (^_^)v

I thought all the lights in Terengganu were switched off. And I was extremely excited going out to see the sign of unity in the state of Terengganu so-called Darul Iman. Even my 62-year old mom was excited and tagged along with me. And all we got to see was disappointment and frustration! Terang benderang, siap ada lampu kelip-kelip lagi! Damn ignorant people~

Hey, even my Indonesian neighbour switched off their lights tau! Tolong la. Malu la siket!~ You call yourself Malaysians?? Huh. I am sooo not proud with myself being an Orang Teganu right now.

And dear state government, you wanna get votes and support from the youth? Keep on dreaming. You lots will never get it!

Arggghhhh!!!! Sucks!

My Heart

I suddenly have a lot to say, and to remind myself of.

Ada sekeping hati ni yang susah sangat nak jaga. But no matter what, I have to take very very good care of it. That heart over my own heart. Will my heart crumble and rebel too one day? I pray that I will always have the strength, more than the ones before me.

But it takes a big heart to take care of another heart. And the bigger your heart is, the more hearts it can take care of. The question is, do you really want that? Coz a big heart is very heavy to carry. Very heavy.

A Story for My Grandson.

Too much thoughts in the past entries. Haha. I should have some facts in this blog too. Perhaps I should write something for my grandson to read about his grandpa later :p

So dear grandson,

Grandpa was sooo occupied with work this week! And as always, things just wouldn't run smoothly for me. There's always a hole or a tree or a puddle of mud in my way. Haha. But at the end of the week, I can still sit in front of this notebook of mine and said to myself, "So things didn't end up so bad after all..."

I had to present a project today, partly my project. I had to show the final presentation slides to my boss yesterday, and the draft the day before. After all, the project is under her supervision. And it's a project comprises 3 sub-projects. Quite a headache to combine and relate everything to each other. Some of the stuffs were beyond my expertise~ huhu.

I'm sure I was given 1-month notice about the presentation. But whether this is a last-minute work, I'm not sure anymore. Coz I don't think I had much time in the weeks before since I'm also involved in the newsletter for the company. Had to cover up events from January to March, wrote articles about em. U know, like a journalist. Haha. Oh, that's definitely a last-minute work. January to March, that was the time I had. There were like 6-7 important events from January til March. Luckily I have a new assistant now to help me with this stuff. Huhu. And there were also a couple of admin stuffs I needed to cater.

However, I'd like to emphasize here that those are additional workloads. My main tasks in this company are to handle 2 practicals and to do research. And I have 2 ongoing research here, and one of em ain't progressing much *sigh~*. I also have to help other colleagues with their research once in a while. It's good to be helpful tho. Oh, one of the practicals was giving me headache in the past couple of weeks. I had to arrange field trip for our clients. Luckily everything worked out in the end. After a couple of pening times, that is. huhu

Anyway, back to my presentation. My notebook was faulty last 2 days. i just got it back in the late afternoon today. Luckily I have most of the important stuffs in my thumbdrive. And luckily I just got my new PC from the company! But the problem was, I couldn't do my work at home~ so I had to finish everything at work. Oh btw! I think this was the first time I didn't stay up all night preparing slides! It was always last-minute work in the past. Haha.

Then last night we got a call. A close relative just passed away. Close by blood, but I'm sure me and him, we didn't know each other. But my ma insisted to go. But she did ask me whether I had the strength to go. I agreed with a heavy heart. It was almost 2 hours away~ and I was thinking about reading a bit on my next-day presentation. I was glad that sincerity came knocking along the way. Yeah, visiting a deceased relative couldn't be a bad thing, I thought. I drove my car happily all the way. We arrived back at home after midnight. But I was glad I agreed to go.

I wouldn't call it a bad presentation. But the project that I presented really raised up some issues. I received lotsa questions and comments, both constructive and destructive :p I didn't get to answer most of the comments due to time constraint. Plus, I respect the elderly. Huhu. I have a question raised up in my head tho, if big shots like MARDI or MPOB or LGM cancelled a research, does it mean that the research is worthless or have no future? I think not.To me, there must be ways to make things work. In research, if you start today, you can't get the results tomorrow. Get what I mean? And this is a place where knowledge is gathered, it is not a corporate company. It's a place where research may be less useful, but it is never useless. But someday, the insignificant one might fit in the puzzle somewhere...

So grandson, you wanna be like your grandpa? (^_^)v

P/s: Sorry if you can't figure out the kinda 'company' I'm working in. Haha.

You Can't Have It All

I am not trying to impose a negative vibe into your veins. I am merely stating a truth that hurts. Out of 100 things that you want to have (or do) in life, perhaps only 50 would end up as yours. If you try hard, you might get 60. If you try harder, does 70 sounds satisfactory? Even harder, maybe 80, or 90. But know this, no matter how hard you try, the most you could get is 99. Never a hundred. Mind you, I am not talking about exam or game scores. Haha.

Even if you did get 99. That 1 last thing in your list might be the one thing that you want the most. Yes, the 100th thing that you just cannot grab might actually be the 1st in your long list.

We all have minds and hearts of our own, feelings and thoughts. We all have dreams and wishes too. We are attracted to something everyday. And perhaps once in your lifetime, you are attracted to someone? What if it's that one thing that you just cannot have? Would it hurt a lot when the truth hits you? I bet it would hurt. A lot, if you can't accept the fact that you can't have it all.

But sometimes you just don't know when to stop hoping and wishing. And as you go along, you keep hurting yourself in many ways. You might get disappointed with life. God is not fair, you may think.

But I think God is fair because nobody can have everything. If you can have everything that you want, the world would be in chaos. Some things are not meant to be yours. It belongs to somebody else. Truth hurts, it usually does. However, if those things are not meant to be yours, something else are definitely waiting for you. So don't stop there, keep looking.

Maybe the 100th thing that you can't have really is the 100th thing in your list, and so it doesn't matters much if you don't have it. And nobody says you can't have the 1st and the most important thing in your list. You won't know till you try and grab it with all your strength. I'm sure my future wife would tell you the same thing :p Perhaps, it is made for you, meant for you. In fact, that's the fun part of being alive and free, the fun part of being human. So enjoy the process. If in the end you find out that it is not for you, what can I say, you just can't have it all.

Blessing In Disguise

Things turned out rather unexpectedly for me, in many occasions. Makes me think that blessings always wear masks. Ugly masks. We seldom try to look behind the mask. Try to take it off and there lies a fair and beautiful blessing. Always.

Things don't always go the way you want them to be. Life can be like ABC, but it's usually like A TO Z. There are 24 more letters in between. F word is always around. There's a big L too. There's also the always-perplexing X. Even if you ask Y, sometimes there's just no answer. B who? B where? B what? Only U can decide. Or U can choose to end up as an S. All I know, this is a beautiful world, there's a lot to C. M not gonna let things stop at the big L. Sometimes you wonder if it's the N and you should stop there. No, there's more. Don't stop till you reach Z, where you can rest and sleep peacefully with a big smile on your face.

Bagai matahari selepas hujan
Memancar cahaya meniti gerimis
Melakar pelangi di awangan

Have faith, coz the light will come out eventually. And rain isn't such a bad thing. Enjoy every moment, even when it's raining. Don't hate it. Coz the rainbow wouldn't be there if the rain didn't fall first. Go out, and dance in the rain.