Drained~

Couldn't get myself into this virtual world for the last couple of weeks. Last week I had to forked out rm260 for this new wireless-N modem~ the old modem got faulty on one dreadful stormy night. Huhu. But not even one drop of my manly tear wasted for that old *&%#@ modem. It always tested my patience. Cian dia selalu kena sumpah seranah. Huhu. Thank God it's broken :) and I had to buy a new one :( and this new one is wireless! (^_^)

The week before, I attended a 2-day seminar at Lake Kenyir Resort. Woohooo!~ And on the weekend I went to Kuantan to pay a visit to my big brother. He was leaving for Aussie that week.

And the week before that, I was totally drained by this! --->

I had to arrange almost everything - the food, the chairs, the cards, the decorations. We didn't have 'pelamin' for 'bersanding'. But we did have what you may call a background where the bride and the groom would sit there and lepak-lepak while entertaining the guests. And 90% of that background thingy was prepared by me. Yep, u read it right, ME. Well, don't expect anything too grandeur~ haha. But it wasn't shabby either. Done in the midst of chaos, it's pretty good, I'd say. Huhu :p

But these are the only decent pictures I have with me now. Have to wait for the pics from the professional photographer. Early next month, perhaps.

White satin, outer-layered with organza, and with white and red LED lightings in between em. But the lights weren't turned on when this pic was taken. Oh, come by to my house. The thing is still standing firm. Penat buat sehh, so biar je kat situ sampai bila2~ huhu

Zoom in a bit (^_^)

I need a break~ huhu

My Heart, Again

When I talked about this, I was actually referring to the heart of my mother. And the ones before me were my brothers and sister. Marriage is one problematic issue. Let's leave it at that, for the moment.

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Did we choose to be given this life? No, not that I remember. But we make crucial choices everyday, for our hearts to keep on beating.

And if you have a big heart, the choices you make would be for the hearts around you, for them to keep on beating with the rhythm of joy, even in the expense of your own heart. But it doesn't matter. Coz your heart is big. They can slice and dice and take all they want. There's always a small chunk left for you to use, to warm yourself up after everything. And you are always happy with just that.

What seems to be the problem, then?

There's this one situation where no matter how big your heart is, you still cannot take care of everyone's heart. "Damn, how should I deal with this? A heart will inevitably get hurt," you might say. A crucial choice has to be made. A heart will get hurt. No any other way.

But there's no right or wrong in this. It's nobody's fault. It comes uninvited, and sometimes never goes away. To the lucky chosen one, it's a dream come true. But if the choice made is not in another one's favour, he or she would wish that everything is just a bad dream.

My Heart

I suddenly have a lot to say, and to remind myself of.

Ada sekeping hati ni yang susah sangat nak jaga. But no matter what, I have to take very very good care of it. That heart over my own heart. Will my heart crumble and rebel too one day? I pray that I will always have the strength, more than the ones before me.

But it takes a big heart to take care of another heart. And the bigger your heart is, the more hearts it can take care of. The question is, do you really want that? Coz a big heart is very heavy to carry. Very heavy.

Birthday presents from my sister

I got another wristwatch from my Kak Long! I'm still trying to get used to having a watch. Err, two watches, actually :p I'm still asking my friends the time even though i'm wearing a watch. Silly lutfi~

Anyway, I got pretty unusual gifts this year. Things that I least expected. Least expected? No, no, no...I would have never expected anything as such, especially from my sister. Not Najihah, but another one, who I always adore as much.

Since she went to Germany for a week before that, I only wished that she would come back home safely. I wanted nothing more. Simply her, alive, safe, and happy. Yet, she gave me great gifts a week after, nothing anyone of you readers could ever think of.

First of all, she gave me a beautiful bouquet of fresh roses and daisies! Red and pink roses, orange daisies :p Yeah, it sounds weird coz I'm a guy, a straight guy~ Nevertheless, it was the very first time I ever got flowers as a personal gift. It was a new feeling, and the feeling was indeed beautiful (^_^)



The next day (or was it two days after?), I got a message from her:

You are cordially invited to spend two day and one night at Swiss-Garden Resort & Spa. Invite a friend. Free breakfast for two. Happy birthday, bro! (Well, i don't remember the exact, but it's something like that. ok. Oh, forgetful lutfi~)

My heart stopped a beat. She were never able to surprise me, but she suddenly surprised me twice in one week. Just what on earth did she learn in Germany, I wonder. In shock, I only replied,"What?!!" Haha, my mind just stopped working for a moment. Couldn't think of any good reply~ Maybe it's because the heart missed a beat, so the oxygen transfer to the brain got disrupted :p Darn, I should've asked her,"ARE YOU INSANE?!"

Hell yeah I was damn surprised! And she's totally out of her mind!! (My dear readers,if you agree with me, please raise up your hand). That was one expensive birthday present, dammit! Sorry, harsh words. Extremely happy and at the same time feeling undeserved :p I reminisced back into the past, since the day I vowed to be her brother, trying to figure out which part of me deserved such a present.

I never got any answer, but I knew that she was sincere. I accepted her sincerity and went there with a joyous heart, planning to make it the most memorable birthday present! For me, and for her as well ;) Oh btw, I invited Razali along :)

I went swimming in the pool. I even went to spa! huhu~ It was an amazing two-day vacation! Mainly because my friends and my sister came and enjoyed the moments along with me and zali :) It might have been a bit dull without them. We took lots and lots of pictures! Now, I shall let the pictures speak the words.

Me, my sis, and our friends.
The room was called Junior Suite and how much did it worth?
RM650 per night!
My sis got a special promotion though :p
But it's still expensive!

This is me at the lobby

This band will be performing life at Swiss-Garden tomorrow nite~

Hey, u like my pants? It's soo...err...beachy? huhu. Not bitchy ok~

That's the culprit! She's responsible for this! Haha :p Thanks, dear sis! You're wonderful!

Big breakfast! Worth RM40 for each person! Oh dim sum~

Razali and his spa fever~

Razali was savouring his moments.

What's with this face? Oh, spa!~

Don't tell me this is stupid. I know!

My dear sister (^.^)

One big happy family (^_^)

Two black widows...Careful guys~

Err...two little monkeys? (Huhu. No offence, ann.)

Lotsa fun! Yeyy!

Nostalgic

To the spa~


Samsara Spa

The last picture before we head back home

Thank you, my sister. You've painted lots of beautiful pictures in my memories. Here's to you, Ati. Love you lots!

- Your dorky brother.

Lutfi is the Only One Left!

So much happy things happened. Guess I'm always blessed by Allah. What happened? Hohoho...Two more of my bros got married. One on Christmas eve(24th December 2005), the other one on the second day of Chinese New Year(30th January 2006). Haha, what a coincidence. Pandai betul pilih tarikh. Kenduri kat rumah was on 31st january yang lepas. Kira buat sekali la dua-dua tu, boleh dikatakan abang dan adik kawin sekali la.

My 4th bro and his soul mate

My 5th Bro and his soul mate

I have 5 big brothers. Big family, eh. One of them,2nd bro, Zulkifli, died young due to fever. 4 left.

1st and 3rd bro got married in 2001. Yang ni dulu pun kawin sekali. Kenduri sekali. 1st bro got married to Sabahan, from Sampoerna. 3rd bro with Kelantanese, Kubang Kerian to be exact. 4th bro, also witk a Kelantanese, from Pasir Puteh. Finally, my last sis-in-law is from Kajang, Selangor, married to my 5th bro. Semuanya boleh dikatakan ada rupa la.


FYI, all of em only knew their spouses less than a year before they got married. Meaning? I mean, there were no lovey-dovey stuff. U know, cintan-cintun semua tu. Even if there were, only for a short while, few months at most. So different from the trend nowadays. Well, there are few assumptions that can be made.

1. They didn't have enough money before.

2. They were too busy with works.

3. They just couldn't find that right person.

4. They don't like cintan-cintun.

5. They don't care about girls, like girls are the last thing on their mind.

6. They are better Muslims, avoiding adulteries (zina).

7. Mom didn't say anything.

8. They didn't care about all these stuff, until they thought it's time to do so.

Well, for the 1st bro, my sis-in-law made the big move. bold eh. 3rd bro was match-made(btul ke pekataan ni?) by my uncle. 4th bro was match-made by mom herself. But mom was only the initiator. The rest was completed by my bro himself. 5th bro found his soul-mate by his own. 4th and 5th bros did have another relationship before. Broke up.

Since all my bros already got married, in pairs. I have to do it solo i guess. No more guys in the family. Hoho.

Lutfi, in Dilemma

Last night was very...blues.

Darn.

It's been quite a while since my last 'blues night'. U know, thinking deeply about life and relationship.

I'm not talking about the lovey-dovey thing here. However, it's close to that. But not exactly it.

I was studying for my environmental biotech quiz. Sambil dengar lagu jay chou and at the same time enjoying the soothing night. Then, out of a sudden, somebody crossed my mind. Ganggu je aku nak study....

It's a promise. A promise made about 5 years ago.

I've been holding to this promise ever since. Barely holding. Never ever had a chance to grab it tight. Tak tahulah salah di pihak siapa. Or maybe it's nobody's fault.

I never did take the promise as a play or something as to fill up my pasttime. In fact, I did take it seriously. Even though i'm not the one who requested this promise. I sincerely accepted and willing to commit to it.

I do meet that person once or twice a year. But as days go by, the promise seems to be fading as well. At least from my view, it is. I don't know what's on that person's mind.

The promise should make us closer to each other. Instead, We're getting more far apart.

I can't reach. That person didn't reach me too. I don't know whether the person tried or not.

When I remembered the promise, it makes my life miserable. Coz I don't think I'm fulfilling it. Nor did I try. I can't find the opportunity to even try. Was I given the opportunity? I didn't see any.

I don't want any more of this miserable promise.

Maybe the person doesn't even need it anymore. That's why things turn out to be like this.

I've been thinking hard, and deep.

I've decided.

Let go. I guess that's the best thing I should do. Let go of the promise.

It's only a matter of time till I see this person again.

The day we meet again, will be the day I break the promise. And let go.

Lutfi's Birthday - FYI, 21st November

HAHA...Looks scary, isn't it? Me, smiling, big time! with candles in the dark...don't look at it for too long, or u might get a nightmare tonite! haha...Where else can u see me smiles like that? Ahakzs!

But look closely...ohoo...it's a birthday cake! see it? Whose birthday? Mine lah...who else?

Guess it again! There was someone else's birthday! See that girl beside me? Well that's my twin sister!!

Ok, u can close ur mouth now...and aren't u tired opening ur eyes widely for that long? Blink! Relax.

Najihah, that's my sister's name. Born 5 years after me. Same date. Same Month. 1989. I bet none of u have the same birthdate as ur siblings! *Muahaha...I can really brag about this.* Unless u guys are twins lah *tak aci*.

Guess I'm still celebrating my birthday bcoz of her :)

There's another version of the above pic, with the lights on. But since my sis were not wearing tudung, I can't post it here. It's ok in the dark, right?

We didn't have a birthday party. Just cake, birthday boy, birthday girl, mom and kaklong.

My kaklong bought the cake. Well, she does that every year. She bought us gifts every year too *love her*. Her gift for our birthday are always some sort of weird souvenirs. Arkk! This year i got a small, battery-operated fan, with a clip. Haha. Weird enuff for me. The fan is like attached to this big clip. So it can be clipped anywhere I want :p

and oh, here's a pic of the cake. It's a blueberry cake. Yummy!

P&G bkn Procter & Gamble tau! That's our shortest nickname.

P/s: I'm too lazy to blog lately...this entry should be posted last week... :p

Lutfi's Family @ Raya

My family - revealed. Who would have thought, a boring guy like me have such a wonderful family. Or perhaps, i never was a boring guy. Anyway, this entry consist of pics n more pics than any of my other entries before. Why? Coz now I have a digicam!...Nah, it's not mine. My kaklong yg punya. Dan saya sbg adik mithali telah menggunakannya dgn cemerlang. yepyep, u read it right - adik mithali. Hohoho. But most pics can't be shown here coz my mom n sis were not wearing their tudung. But still, all my family members are here in this blog, except my 2nd bro who already passed away...and my oldest bro yg beraya kat umah mentua dia tahun ni...kat Sabah...anak sedara saya pun dibawaknya skali...isk isk...tak patut betul...ok, leave that behind...the show must go on!...scroll down, babeh!!

ni takde kaitan dgn raya :p Tp kura2 ni betul2 punya...bukan patung mainan my sis yg bela. 3 ekor semuanya.

My 5th bro (Abe K) *since my family rooted kat sebelah kelantan, abang is pronounced as abe* - tgh kacau kuah untuk letak atas puding

Ini le pudingnya...namanya 'puding trifle'...kalau tak silap laa..mane laa aku tau

This is my 3rd bro (abe ju) n my sis (najihah) - tgh anyam ketupat. Haha, I managed to finish 2 ketupat. Took me ages to learn. Duh.

Tgh cucuk daging ayam dgn lidi! What for? Sate laa ape lagi...

Ni laa sikit2 kuih2 ngan kerepek. Kerepek yg 3 bekas sebelah kanan tu aku dah abiskan. Best sioott!

Ini aku. In case korang tak kenal/tak cam. Tgh buat apa? Tgh test kerepek. Aku agak cerewet, so test2 aje dah abis setengah bekas :p

Tangan siapa? My 5th bro n my kaklong. My bro hadiahkan kaklong a bracelet ( is that a bracelet? tatau laa istilah aksesori kaum hawa ni)

From left: my adik (Najihah), my 4th bro (Abe Ma) n my sis (kak N)

From left: Lutfi, Kak N, Kaklong and Abe K

Yang nampak sipi2 tu my akak ipar(kak ratna), Yang baju melayu segak tu my 3rd bro (tgh prepare sate untuk dibakar). Guess who's beside him?

A family photo. Malas ah nak mention balik semua nama

Another family photo. This time gaya bebas. Tp my bro sorang tak sempat enter frame. wakaka.

Kaum hawa in my family

Ni bukan awek saya ni...May I present...my mom!! Guess how old she is?!

Me & my beloved mother.

*background to just 5% of pokok2 bunga mak saya*