Happiness

1st of January officially marked the 3rd effort in reaching for something I would like to call happiness. That one thing that sparkles like a diamond. And like a diamond it is, price had to be paid. No African blood was spilled, but hearts were hurt, and the cuts were deep. I hope they will all heal...

I wish I have the remedy. There is no magical potion to heal a broken heart. Is there?

I never meant to hurt you, or you, or you, and you. And especially you. My heart never felt so wretched, never so guilty.

I failed miserably in my 1st effort. Looking back now, I was just a kid trying to get a hold of that priceless diamond. Maybe it was not my time to have it yet. Came the 2nd gave me hope, with a warm and cozy feeling too. Flowers bloomed at the tip of my touch. The sky was always blue everytime i looked up above.

Under the bright blue sky, it was already sparkling in my hand, that sweet diamond. Love and be loved. This is it, I thought. And that's when reality snatched it away from me and stabbed me in the heart. I walked this earth with a knife in my chest. With love and lust I eased my pain. With hope and faith I sealed my wound. She will save me. Her hands will pull the knife off my chest and stop the love from bleeding out. Like an innocent child, I waited for her to save me. Sincerely. Devotedly.


.........



I saw a pair of hands.

Yet, they were not hers.

God, is this how it supposed to be...?

Love of My Life

Still can't write anything serious. *sigh~*

I have a few entries I wrote a couple of years ago. Unfortunately, they are in my old desktop PC which hasn't been operating for more than a year now. I love my PC. Sacrificed a lot to get it. Took only a meal a day for one whole semester, and drank only plain water. The flat screen monitor alone worth RM400+ back then. It's not LCD screen, though. Got free (but old) casing from a friend, saved about 100 ringgit. Doesn't look so bad, apart from one side of the panel wasn't there so it's pretty much bare on one side. Well, that makes it even cooler, literally and technically. Hoho. Gamers started using AMD processor back then. So I followed suit. I was quite a gamer. All in all, I spent about RM2000+ on her. Totally worth every cent! She's the love of my life~ Sometimes I spent all night being together with her. Dunno what I'd do without her~ She's my everything back then.

Oh, but now I have a lappy. So much for true love, huh?

Catching Up With Myself

Ahh, it's good to be writing again~ it's like meeting up with your long lost buddies. It'll take you a while to catch up, but it just feels great to be talking to them again. I don't read much. Novels, especially, nah ah ah. Some says you can't write if you don't read. I don't entirely deny that. Still, it doesn't make me wanna read novels. Haha. You can write if you don't read, but you can write way better if you read.

I want to write something serious. But I'm too sleepy and tired. I don't know why I'm tired. I'm just tired. I am physically tired. I'm not tired of anybody, so please don't try to impose any speculation ayte~ huhu

Wish I have 48 hours a day!! So that I could still work for 8 long hours yet I would still have 40 hours left to rest, play and do everything else. Stop procrastinating, I say that to myself all the time. Yet I always end up procrastinating in trying to stop procrastinating.

Please, I need a PA to sort everything out~ Well, big shots always have PAs and secretaries, don't they? I might just be one too, someday.

No Title

Sadness brings out the darkest side of you. The dark sides which a shattered heart could not contain. This heart of mine is always blanketed with a soft purple velvet. I am better now. Better than yesterday, at least. I am surrounded by mature and wise friends. Thanks guys!

Hearts twisted. Tears wasted. Souls...died. I am sorry that a few persons have to hurt for the path I chose. Yet our bodies keep walking this earth, searching for salvation and guidance, trying to mend our hearts with every bit of consolation. From friends, families, and even strangers, whomever lends their ears and shoulders.

My heart too was torn, but it never said I'm wrong. Lovers cried, but things never felt this right. I had my doubt, I drowned deep in thoughts. Words spoken and my eyes are open. What's done is done and I never wish for it to be undone. This is not a dream, nobody is lying. They are not lies. The fact is, this is life.

I may not be in my best state of mind to tell this, but don't lose to those bad whisperers...