Becoming & Being Better

I like Islam. Not coz it's my religion. I don't know. I just feel comfortable with it. Well, I'm not really a pious muslim. I'm just a so-so guy with a civic mind. But for some reason, Islam is one thing that I hold dearly. Mind you, I'm not a fanatic~ Before I go further, lets see where I'm standing now...

• I do not miss solah wajib.
• I do solah sunah rawatib (before or after solah wajib) occasionally, when I feel like it. I skip it most of the times.
  
• In my almost 24 years of life, I only perform solah sunah tahajud a few times. That's because we have qiamullail program. I don't think I have ever done it by myself.
• I pay zakat now.
  
• I fast (puasa). Never purposely miss it ever since standard 3.
• I still don't have that intention to collect lots n lots n tonnes of pahala during Ramadhan. Except for fasting and tarawih. I think everything else goes pretty much the same. Lailatul-qadr? still the same... *sigh*
  
• I do perform solah sunah tarawih, but sometimes I'm not so up to it. Tired and lazy~ But I do it anyway, up to 8 rakaah only. huhu.
  
• Solah sunah tarawih 20 rakaah? Not more than 3 times each year. This year? only twice~
• I like to recite the Quran, it makes me feel good. But I seldom go through the meanings.
• I do not want to kill anyone, disobey my parents, zina, steal anything or do any other big sins. Nauzubillah.
• I have a civic mind, but I'm not very pious. I wish I could avoid the smaller sins. But sometimes I purposely do it. But guilty feelings would stick around afterwards. But I do it again anyway :p
• Knowledge regarding Islam? I don't think I have much.

Well, I am a good person. Yes I do think that I am a good person. *tak malu. huhu.* But I do not think that I am a good-enough muslim. Do good deeds. Yep, I could do some. Avoid the bad ones. Nope, can't avoid all. That's where I'm standing now.

It's almost the end of Ramadhan. Am I better than I was last year? Yes. Am I worse than last year? Yes, too. Some part of me became better yet another part became worse. This year I eat moderately for buka puasa. Last year was always 'berhenti selepas kenyang'. I don't recite al-Quran this year as much as I did the years before. Well that's just two simple examples. There are other changes. The thing is, how can I say I'm a better person? or a better muslim?

Regardless of everything, I don't feel really really bad. *A little bad, yeah* Coz I do have the intention of being a better muslim. It's not an easy path. It may take some time. Years, maybe. Or decades. At this rate now, to be honest with myself, sins are not always avoidable. Sometimes things just happen. And sometimes it happens too fast it can't be undone anymore. And sometimes you are putting fun as your priority in life. Sometimes u got lost for a moment, or for a while. I consider that as a detour.

I would always do good deeds. But I also don't have doubt of doing something sinful someday. When you're alone, you tend to get lost easier. Perhaps when I have my own wife and kids to take care of, I won't get lost anymore. Nevertheless, no matter how lost I might be, I know that I would find my way back to the path, the path in becoming a better muslim. With a prayer that He would always be guiding me.

DEAR BLOG, DEAR YOU, DEAR READERS, SELAMAT HARI RAYA. MAAF ZAHIR BATIN. Forgive me if I ever put a cut on your soft, fragile heart. For it was never intended. Wallahu a'lam.

Bits of Mind

Lately, lotsa things just popped up in my mind every now and then. Always felt like writing them all down. The feeling, the mood was there. But since I'm super busy these couple of weeks, I didn't have time to blog. Funny, now that I have a lil time to write something, there's nothing in my mind. Blank. And I don't even have the feeling to write. Urghhh!! I'm such a forgetful guy, and am not so good at recollecting memories. Huhu :p Here's a portion that I managed to crack out of my forgetful mind. God knows there's a lot more~ but here's a tiny bit.

• Dear JPJ, can't you see all those black smoke coming out from the exhaust pipe~ or all you care is nothing but the road tax??
• You who like to litter, I despise you.
• Hey environmentalists, get your asses into politics and economies, you'll have all the sources needed to change the world. Seriously.

• Pakcik-pakcik dan abang-abang, Imam suruh rapatkan saf, bukan besarkan kuda-kuda mu itu~
• If u're a bloody smoker, and you eat kari, please don't come to the mosque~ Please.

• Which one is the hardest? Getting, keeping or letting go? To me, now, letting go is the easiest part. Keeping is the hardest. Oh, dilemma~
• Simpati? Ada. Sayang? Sangat. Cinta? Tiada.

This is a lousy post. I know. Haha. Still, it means something to me. Anyway, this blog is already 3 years old. I wish to write an anniversary entry and make some changes. Then again. I don't have much time. I could hardly catch my breath. See you in a while. After raya, maybe? Huhu.

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I remembered a few more :p

• I hate wars. Star Wars not included tho. Why do we have wars~ It is never inevitable, and always avoidable. And those people who deliberately spark the wars and make profit out of it? Intelligent creature they are. Despicable scum they are too.
• A big sigh everytime people make Islam a difficult religion. Many times have I seen people couldn't seem to have a 'perfect' niah for their solah. Some had their takbiratul ihram only like 10 times before they were truly satisfied. And each time with an aggressive expression of sorta like trying to catch a bird flying right in front of them. *Terganggu khusyuk aku* And that made me wondered...adakah Islam itu agama yang mudah bagi mereka...? Coz niah is the fundamental beginning of everything. If it's already that difficult...then... *sigh*
• If you have any intention of spitting on the street or on the sidewalk or any place where people passes through, you better suck it back in. Don't give me another reason to despise someone. I don't wanna be stepping on your filthy saliva.
• I'm missing a few people - 2 seniors and a schoolmate. And I'm missing a couple of birthday boys and birthday gals too. Guez I'm just too slow to catch up with em. Gosh! Forgot to send a kad raya to my sis~ huhu. Err...sory sis? :p
• I can't keep it at the moment, but I might wanna have it later when I'm ready to keep it. I'm thinking that it would be better off without me now. For its sake, I wanna let it go. But it's small hand is already grasping my finger. *sigh* Guess letting go isn't that easy either...
  

My Convocation

Perhentian Island

Everybody has been updating their blogs like 10 times since last month. And I just have the time to write a new entry today. I thought I'd be having lots of leisure times with this new job. Apparently not. Huhu :p Still, it's fun to be doing what I like to do, though I have to sacrifce a couple of other things that I like to do. Well,there will be times for catching up later, such as today (^_^)v And I even went to Perhentian Island last weekend yeyy!

A lil scandal for a scandalous blog. Huhu :p

It's a lil bit late to mention this, but I had my convocation last 2 weeks, on the 24th of August. Was it super fun? Hmm...so-so, i guess. Well, I've graduated in February, and have been working ever since. I even changed to a new job. So to me it's kinda like 'just a convocation'; nothing serious, nothing grand. What mattered to me then was meeting with my old friends. Yeah, I was expecting a big gathering, catching up with em, getting to know their families. Unfortunately, not much of those happened. All of us got separated right after we got out of the hall and everybody was busy with their family, including me :p Some of them went back early. *sigh* huh~

Nevertheless, some of us managed to gather together and snap some awesome pictures! Although not everyone's in it, but it should be enough for reminiscing later (^_^) As long as the memories remain somewhere~ Huhu. I don't have a camera. These are some of the pics that I could grab from my friends in friendster. There should be more though. But they don't have any reason to upload Lutfi's pics in their photo albums, rite? Huhu.

The sky is yours~

My classmates~ Aku rasa budak yang tak pakai robe tu tak grad lagi kut...she's still in skola rendah~ huhu :p

Yeah, throw some more! Cepat~ Lepas ni dah nak hujan~

My batch~ Luv em all!

Ade ke patut diorang cakap aku macam budak tadika...

Ehem.

My ex. Oops, Ex-image consultant only lah~


Post-convo dinner at Saisaki Buffet.

Muka aku yang cina dah semakin jepun sebab makan sushi banyak sangat~ huhu

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Did you see what I was wearing? Huhuhu. Brand new suit~ and a new haircut too. I mean I just cut my hair short. It was pretty long before. Oh, I would probably shave my head again after raya :p Anyway, despite my not-so-handsome-looking face, the suit made me look pretty damn good, doesn't it? Haha. Mind you, I didn't buy em solely for the sake of convocation. I've always wanted a new suit. I'd be using em a lot after this! Hey, I'm in a professional field~ Gotta have such attire ;)

As always, I suck at shopping clothes. Major suck. Oh, did you notice the green shirt I was wearing inside? I bought that a few months ago in this entry. For the blazer, I bought em on my way to KL. Me and my ma stopped by at East Coast Mall, Kuantan. We went into Parkson and headed straight to G2000 section. Coz I got an info that they're giving lotsa discount on blazers! *Tenkiu McLa!* Huhu. No image consultants too this time. No Arshana, no Ati, no Mun no Ann. My ma was with me, but she didn't know much about suits. *Oh help me God~*. I flipped through the blazers hanging there. No salesgirl was there at the moment.

"Damn, why are there so many to choose from yet they all look the same?! I hate convo~"

I called Arshana. No reply~ "Crap, sape lagi aku bleh contact ni..."

"Razali! Hoho, Zali metrosexual sket. Yeyy!"

I called Zali. No reply~ "Tak guna, Zali. Ko gi mana~ Huuu~" *almost cried..huhu :p *

Then the salesgirl came out from the storage room. Luckily she was very helpful! (^_^) Telling me the differences and asking me to try this and this and that. Then Zali called. "Yeyy! Saviour!" As expected, he knows everything bout mens' clothing! - The buttons, the shape, the cut, the collar, the latest design, the in-thing! - I'm telling you he knows everything about it! Like a fashion guru~ huhu.

I also tried the pants. I spent about 2 hours there and called Zali like 5 times asking for guidance! Muahaha :p And who do you think made the final decision? My mom? Me? Guess again~ It's the salesgirl. Hahaha. Yep, she said this blazer fit me better over that one and that one coz bla bla bla. I don't mind, coz she's pretty cute and seemed like to know what she's saying. I will follow you~ Huhu. I almost bought a pair of black pants there too. Tried 4-5 pair of pants, then retried them again and again coz I'm sooo damn unsure bout how a good pair of pants supposed to be. When I was about to buy the one that I thought was the best, she said "Err..isn't the waist a little too big..?" Unfortunately they don't have a smaller size. Huhu. So afterwards, I text Zali,

"Jom kita kuar shopping esok! (^_^)"

Bought a new pair of black pants and a sleek tie with Zali at Midvalley on the next day! And Zali was also the one who helped me collect my convo robe the week before. Tenkiu very much Zali! I owe u big time!~ huhu. But I have to iron the robe the night before convo and it was super irritating! Mmg sumpah seranah la time gosok jubah tu. I hate convo~ Huhu.

P/s: To the juniors who are going to have your convocation next year. If you want to get what I wanted to have on your convocation day, do make plans with your friends! Oh, I don't mean the suit lah! Hahaha. I mean the big gathering with your friends and their families~ know the flow of programme on that day and plan earlier with all your friends on when to meet and where to meet and what to do. Let your family be friends with your friends' families. Not to mention you can take lotsa pics that way with everyone in it. So your convo wud be more happening! And guys, we're science students, so make some noise! Huhu (^_^) Hey, kitorang je yang baling mortar board tu tau!~ huhuhu. Oh, sweet memories~ ONE MORE THING!! AKU BERJAYA BUAT 'PEACE' KAT ATAS PENTAS SELEPAS AMIK SCROLL!! I don't have the pic, but it should be in the video. MUAHAHA~ Oh, I luv being a science graduate from Kulliyyah of Science IIUM! Coz we are wacky! (^_^)v