Security

Why do we get married? Because of love? If my life is all the same after marriage, isn't it pointless to get married? It doesn't make any difference, except for my status - married, instead of single.

Do guys want security? Hmm...a girl asked me to marry her, yet I couldn't find security in the future she's giving me. I might be in another part of the world for the next few years. And she might choose to be in another part of the world for the next few years. Her family is in another part of the world. And my family is in another part of the world. And she'll be working in yet another part of the world. I couldn't find the connection. I couldn't find the things that connects her to me. Simply love? I couldn't find the things that can be changed or improved through our marriage.

I am a muslim. To me, the love between 2 persons actually does not involves only that 2 persons. When we are married to someone, we are married to her family, her relatives, her friends, and even her pet. We are married to her whole life. I know, we can't please everybody. But do consider the important people in her life. Love is nothing without blessings.

I have a 60-year-old mother. And I'm the last son in the family. All 4 of my brothers were married. To be honest, not all went well. Therefore in things such as this, I tend to think about my mother. I seek her blessing more than everything else. You can't have me if you don't have her.

Leaning Against The Wall

I think it's about time for me to think about having somebody in my life.

But hmm...sometimes you think she's pretty or nice or gorgeous or beautiful or so damn fine-looking or super damn cute. But when you take your thought a bit far ahead, all those positive attractions are only one small portion of a larger issue. Coz far ahead, she won't be just a girl anymore. She'll be your wife and a mother to your cute kids. A daughter-in-law to your mother and a new member of your family.

I just want somebody who could be there next to me as my lovely wedded wife. Who could be the mother to my kids. A new daughter to my mother. And a loved sister in my family. Wife. Hmm.. I wonder what the word really means these days. Is being married enough to be called a wife or a husband? People today have so many other priorities. Who really cares about being a wife or a husband to somebody anymore anyway? Let's just live, get married, fuck each other once in a while, have kids and just get old and die. Yeay~

Wanna be my wife? Anybody? Nah, perhaps my life is better off on its own. What's the point of having someone who's not even there the moment you need to lean on her chest? In the end, I have to rely on myself and console my own heart. Just lean against that empty wall that will always stand there and never leave me.

Can't blame anybody tho. We can't have everything that we want. Everybody have their own life to think about. Their own future. And we too have our own future. We can't simply beg the person to have us in their future. And neither could we force them to be in our future. It'd be selfish. So many diverged paths in our lives. A lot of decisions have to be made every now and then. And I may or may not be able to follow on the path that you take.

My Heart, Again

When I talked about this, I was actually referring to the heart of my mother. And the ones before me were my brothers and sister. Marriage is one problematic issue. Let's leave it at that, for the moment.

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Did we choose to be given this life? No, not that I remember. But we make crucial choices everyday, for our hearts to keep on beating.

And if you have a big heart, the choices you make would be for the hearts around you, for them to keep on beating with the rhythm of joy, even in the expense of your own heart. But it doesn't matter. Coz your heart is big. They can slice and dice and take all they want. There's always a small chunk left for you to use, to warm yourself up after everything. And you are always happy with just that.

What seems to be the problem, then?

There's this one situation where no matter how big your heart is, you still cannot take care of everyone's heart. "Damn, how should I deal with this? A heart will inevitably get hurt," you might say. A crucial choice has to be made. A heart will get hurt. No any other way.

But there's no right or wrong in this. It's nobody's fault. It comes uninvited, and sometimes never goes away. To the lucky chosen one, it's a dream come true. But if the choice made is not in another one's favour, he or she would wish that everything is just a bad dream.

Friends Test!

Another quick one! I put this up on my Friendster page. huhu. Nobody scored A. I mean, above 80% correct. Huhu. Hmm...the 1st one who got 100% correct, I might treat him/her something reaaaaly gooood~ Ikut la nak caye ke tak. I never lie ;) Sorang sekali try je. Tarikh tutup sehingga next entry. Gud luck~ (^_^)

Question #1

What is my full name?

A. Muhammad Lutfi Bin Lukman

B. Ahmad Lutfi Bin Lukman

C. Mohd. Lutfi Bin Lukman

D. Muhd. Lutfi Bin Lukman

Question #2

When is my birthday?

A. 23rd September 1984

B. 20th November 1984

C. 21st November 1984

D. 23rd November 1984

Question #3

What is my hobby?

A. Listening to songs

B. Watching anime

C. Reading manga

D. Outdoor activities

Question #4

Which one is my favorite ice-cream?

A. Paddle pop Rainbow

B. Cornetto with Kit Kat

C. Magnum

D. Tropicana

Question #5

What is my favorite food

A. Spaghetti

B. Pizza

C. Satay

D. Nasi Briyani

Question #6

Which one is the most important?

A. My handphone

B. My computer

C. My wallet

D. My wristwatch

Question #7

What is my highest aim, in 10 years from now?

A. Financial freedom

B. Become a distinguished professor in a biotechnology field

C. Have 4 children with a lovely wife (^_^)

D. Build a house for my mother

Question #8

How many sisters do I have now?

A. 6

B. 5

C. 4

D. 3

Question #9

Why am I still not married?

A. I don\'t have enough money for the marriage process

B. I want to take my mum to vacation first

C. I don\'t have anyone that I like yet

D. I want to, but I already got rejected 8 times!

Question #10

Who is my favorite manga character?

A. Monkey D. Luffy from One Piece

B. Kurosaki Ichigo from Bleach

C. Himura Kenshin from Rurouni Kenshin

D. Hatake Kakashi from Naruto

Question #11

Which creature do I like the most?

A. Cats

B. Hamsters

C. Fishes

D. Spiders

Question #12

What is my favorite color?

A. Black

B. Orange

C. Green

D. Purple

Question #13

Which car do I like better?

A. Mercedes CLK

B. BMW 5 Series

C. Volkswagen New Beetle

D. Mitsubishi Evo VIII

Question #14

What is bad about me?

A. Stingy

B. Cruel

C. Forgetful

D. Clumsy

Question #15

What year do I want to get married?

A. 2010

B. 2011

C. 2012

D. 2013

Lalutan :p

Darn...when I have soooo much to say, to write, that's the time my notebook goes kaput! Well, it's not exactly the notebook. It's the adapter. But my laptop can't stay alive for long without the adapter!~ Luckily it's still within warranty period. But it's already been 2 weeks since I requested for a new one~ *sigh* If u ask me what my 'nyawa' is, it's always been my PC. Huhu :p

Ok, a short one. Yesterday I tagged along with my ma to textile shop. She wanna buy some cloths for raya and for my sis's wedding. I enjoy arts, so it's not such a boring thing to do. Haha. But the price? Scary~ And it got me thinking..."Luckily i'm not married yet..." Haha

Hmm...apa lagi ek. Oh, I really like the song by Katy Perry, Thinking of You. Though it has nothing to do with my life, mind you! hehe. And what's the song by The Fabulous Cats...Akasia? Something like that. Us Against The World by Christina Milian. I like plenty of songs, it's just that these catches my attention a bit more than others. Not that they mean anything to me. It's the lyrics, the songs arrangements, and the soul that they bind with the songs.

K, dats all. Roger and out! Bateri dah nak abis~ Tapi sekali sekala melalut pun best gak. I should do this sometimes. Haha

Oh, one more addition! That same night, S.H.E's concert was on MTV. Yeah, I'm a fan. I'm sure many of you don't know what kinda group that is. Huhu. Anyway, how I wish I have someone who can help me understand their songs better. And also Jay Chou's. That's a lot more complicated. My Chinese is getting very rusty~ Any amoi want to volunteer? :p