Reality Check 1.0

(A few years back I had a dream to have at least RM100k in my account before the age of 30. But now it's more than that. I'd like to share something that I realized about 8 years ago. Something that I have forgotten. 8 years ago I dreamed of having financial freedom. I hope I will never forget this ever again.)

It's not everything, but almost everything needs it. It can be good or evil, depending on the heart of the person holding it. Like a knife, a kind one would use it to peel an apple for a sick friend, but a lost soul would use it to rip a life. Don't get overdosed. Like a drug used to heal, it may also kill. Don't get addicted. Some are willing to shed blood over it. Even love can be broken or strengthened by it.

We are the ones who deem it valuable. Because human are instinctively possessive. Yet we are also civilized. Thus it exists. If we are savage beasts then we can just take other people's belongings (Yeah, like the Zionis). To put it in a simple way, I have something you want, but you may not have anything I want. It exists so that everyone has something that anyone wants. At least that's how it started. Now that greed has taken over, it's everything and anything. It is wealth. Specifically, money.

Whether we like it or not, we are in a system. Or to be exact, we are in a race. Like the rat running on the wheel, or the donkey chasing a carrot. It's a pointless pursuit. If you have watched The Matrix, yeah, it's kinda similar to that. We are being programmed. It's STUDY HARD-GET GOOD GRADES-GET A GOOD JOB-AND GET RICH WORKING system. Our kids and grandkids will keep repeating this cycle. And guess what, we and our descendants will never get rich. You are running and chasing with all your might in your entire life yet in the end at the age of 60 you'd still be asking yourself, "What went wrong?" Well, you didn't do anything wrong. You did everything the system needs you to do. You just didn't do something right, that is to get out of the system!

Ever since 8 years ago I'm trying not to fall into this system. But there's no way out. I'm in a comfort zone it's hard to leave. I'm afraid to take the risk. Afraid that if I get out and chase for something lucrative but uncertain, I might lose everything. So here I am waiting for my paycheck every end of month. It's pathetic! I admire a friend who holds a degree in Biotech Engineering but end up becoming a contractor and building his own company. He's facing hard times now but I'm sure he'll prevail and succeed. He'll be out of these lies and fake promises, unlike us.

The Diary of A Constant Boyfriend 1

Being a boyfriend, or being a husband, which one is more difficult?

I've always wanted to be married. The feeling sprouted in me ever since I started learning to love someone. That would be year 2005 when I was in my third year of university when this kinda feeling started to grow and evolve. Yeah, it evolves. Because the feeling is somehow different with every girl that I dated. It gets better, sweeter, stronger and wilder.

I've dated two girls before my current girlfriend, and I swear to God I was serious with both of them. If my family said, "Lutfi, get married", I would not hesitate for even one second to go and ask for her hand. Sadly in these days and age, especially in Malaysia, no matter how much love you have for a girl, marrying her is no easy feat. My family, her family, tradition, money, and everything else that matters to my family and hers. It's no longer about me and her, it's everybody's business including uncles and aunties.

It's just hard when you're bound by morals and religion, and by religion here I only mean being a good son and be nice to your parents. In fact Islam encourages marriage as soon as you want to, and as soon as you are ready to be married. I'm not sure what happen to that part of Islam in Malaysia today. In university, you have to wait till you graduate. Then after you finish your study you have to have a good job. It's all about the money. Why? Because the bride's parents are demanding mahar (bride price) by the certificates that their daughter has, whether she has a diploma or a degree or even higher certs! Ridiculous~ Why else? Because both families are going to celebrate it big. And even after you graduated and have a high-paying job, your parents have to give their approval on your choice of wife. My previous relationships crumbled while waiting for all those extra things to fall into place. Exactly why? Because I'm a good son.

No matter how wishful my heart was, marriage didn't happen for me the first time, neither the second time. Perhaps it was my fault? Was i too weak of a man to just go and grab the woman that I love regardless of heaven or hell? I never meant to hurt any fragile heart. Every word and every promise, I said it all with sincerity. Every move was always with love, and never with lies. My only intention was to love and be married to her, and live happily ever after! And even now with current (and hopefully my last!) girlfriend, even when I have graduated, have a good job, have enough money, I still have to wait for something else to fall into place! Should I just elope with my girlfriend to Thailand and get married there?!

I don't know how you can measure love, but I feel as if the love gets deeper and deeper with every girlfriend that I have. Even though the seriousness is the same, but the feeling is different. The way I loved my second ex was different than the way I had loved my first ex. And the way I love my current girlfriend is different than the way I loved my second and first exes. Like I said, the feeling evolves...

Strawberry & Chocolate

Bright, sweet in its own way, beautiful, idolized by many. When I look at that bowl of bright red strawberries above, it gives me the feeling of joy, happiness, and love, making me feel bright and cheerful.

I am far from a strawberry kinda person. I'm actually more like an apple person. Strawberry wows you everytime. We always get excited when we see strawberries, like, "Woooooowwwwww, strawberries~" But apples? Apples are common things in everyday life. Yeah, still good to eat, but common. And pretty cheap as well.

But hey, an apple a day keeps the doctors away, right?

On second thought, I think I am more of a chocolate person. A bit of a dark chocolate. Like how most people enjoy chocolates, dark chocolate, on the other hand, is more of an acquired taste. Let's say I was sitting in a restaurant eating out with a bunch of friends. And let's say you don't know me. You walked in that restaurant, had your dinner, and walked out of there and never even noticed my existence. Or, let's say one of us was the new guy/girl in some kind of a group, doesn't matter in class, at work, or a charity work outside. You wouldn't notice me, not after some time. Even if you noticed me the first, you'll only noticed me as this annoying guy who gave off bad first impression.

However, after several talking to each other and bumping into each other or hanging out together, you would started thinking that this guy isn't that bad after all. In fact, he's a pretty good guy. An acquired taste. Get what I mean?

My strawberry too didn't like her chocolate the first time she met him. It took her a while to notice that strawberry and chocolate taste heavenly together.

Dream of My Country

I've always dreamed of Malaysia to change. For the better, of course. Some would say, "Hey, we are a rich country, and we have lots of developments et cetera et cetera et cetera, we should be grateful that Malaysia is a peaceful country. Don't be an ungrateful and forgetful Malaysian."

For you, maybe. Perhaps you have good food, nice shelter, live in the city, never been robbed.

To me, how many of us are actually rich? There are still many poor citizens who can hardly get a decent meal each day. I'm not sure how true this is, but it is said that in the time of Caliph Umar Abdul Aziz, not one person was poor enough to be entitled for the zakat money. And his sovereignty wasn't even remotely as small as Malaysia. Living in the world today makes me wonder how on earth was that even possible?! I don't know how he made that happened, but looking at the rate Malaysia is going, such a thing won't happen anytime soon. And the way the media keep telling us again and again that we are doing great, I pity my poor countrymen who barely make ends meet each day.

I'm from Terengganu, east coast of the peninsular. For those who don't know, the state of Terengganu was entitled for 5% oil royalty per year, and that amounts to RM 600 million in the old days and about RM 1 billion today, if I didn't get my fact wrong. Yet, among 13 states we have in Malaysia, Terengganu is still one of the poorest states. How does that make any sense? I definitely don't see where all the money flowed to. Development? None worth mentioning. On top of that, I cannot comprehend why that there are still poor and needy people in this state. It just makes me feels sad.

Malaysia is a peaceful country? We are not at war, granted, but how safe is it to be walking alone at night? My mother once decided to come and live in Kuala Lumpur. She already bought a land to build a house. After too many news of murders and robberies, she totally cancelled it. And why do you think they have security guards for apartments and neighborhood watch in your neighborhood? It's so that you can sleep better at night.

I'm not being ungrateful, and I don't forget people's kindness. If you should earn 100 and I only gave you 50, how grateful would you be to me? Unless you are not aware that you should be getting 100. And why are we comparing our country with the countries that are at war, and countries that have no natural resources? It's like hey, at least you didn't get the last place. You got 2nd last, so please be grateful. Given the resources and geographical stability that we have, Malaysia is supposed to be at the peak of the world. Yet we are only at the middle. What is wrong?

Inspired

You've shown me love that will never end in vain

with your love for me running in my vein

this snow will be gone as the spring sun shines

the moon will glow and the stars will shine

sipping coffee by my windowpane

I'll be sitting by my windowpane

you'll come back to me by plane or by train

blow me kisses from Italy or Spain

like rainbow shines after a pouring rain.

Pets

What do you have at home? Or some might ask, who do you have at home?

Pets, I mean. The former refers pets as animals, and the latter, as one of us - creatures that are lovely and fluffy. Fluffy may not be the right word, but heck, it sounds good so don't complain. Regardless, what kind of a pet-person your are isn't any of my concern here. Sorry for wasting your time reading up to this point. Please continue to the next paragraph, it should be more worth reading. At least I hope so.

Ehem. Cats, dogs, hamsters, fishes, birds, iguanas, equines, penguins, crocodiles, polar bears, apples, apple pies...yummy~ Those are some of the examples of pets and you might prefer one of them as your dear friend at home which also known as pet...well, aside from apple...and apple pies too...or perhaps polar bears and crocodiles wouldn't be good pets as well. Penguins? Okay, stop. I'm currently famish, and sleep-deprived too, on top of that. I'm sorry. But I'm gonna keep going!

Back to the topic, ehem! Ehem! Ehem! I'm really coughing here and I just feel like writing me coughing here. I hope it's not of any inconvenience to you. Alright, where were we? Yes, pets. Hmm...pets. Right! Ehem, my ideal pets would be the ones in pictures below

Photo taken from ants.breezily.co.uk (errr...without permission. Google's to blame :P)

Photo taken from Wikipedia

Yup, ants and spiders! Not exactly a tarantula, any spider is intriguing to me. The picture of a tarantula on a palm is just more captivating, that's all. Or so I thought. Anyway, I love these guys and I definitely prefer them over cats or dogs etc. I especially love looking at them eating. I've beein doing that ever since I was a kid. Creepy? Nah, I turned out just fine. A happy, normal, lovely, fluffy, dopey adult just like everyone else. This blog layout got bright red strawberries, you see. Solid proof of my sane mind and sweet heart. Wait, am I talking like a girl? Don't be concerned, I'm an absolutely straight guy who has a special beautiful girlfriend and no special boyfriend whatsoever, ever! Ehem, let's get serious.

We all have ants and spiders crawling around us. By around I mean like 100 meter radius, not 1 meter. Don't be stupid, please. Okay, you're not stupid. I'm the silly one overthinking such a thing. So we all have ants and spiders crawling around us, right? Sometimes I feed them, usually with other insects. Have I ever written here how I hate mosquitoes? God, I hate them! But they love me so much! Such unrequited love~ too one-sided and hell I'm telling you it's not gonna work! So sometimes I was forced to catch them alive and throw them to the spiderweb. Haha. Then the spider will come and bite them and wrap them with the silk, and suck them dry~ Such joyous moment! The ants don't really like mosquitoes, though. I wonder why...too skinny? Not much nutrient? Or simply coz it tastes awful?

Like how some people feeling tranquility gazing upon the fishes in the aquarium tank, I think I do feel the same by watching ants marching, especially when they are carrying food! I hope my kids will share this same feeling (^_^) The ants are working very hard. Heave-ho! Heave-ho! It's always been a dream to observe how they live inside their nest underground. Wonder If I would be able to give them names. That would be awesome! I want an antfarm! I want an antfarm!

But to have an antfarm in the house, I doubt my beautiful future wife would agree to that. She loves cats. Well, ants do feed on cats, maybe that's why... Is that the reason, dear?

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P/s: With regard to my previous entry on Friendship, I just met this one buddy of mine after more than a year. Apart from having a wonderful wife now, he's the same as ever. Same as ever (^_^)

Friendship: Part 2

Being a kid is carefree. You don’t have many things stuck in your mind at the same time. Commitment? Trust? Those words wouldn't be in your dictionary. Only ‘like’ and ‘don’t like’ are there. Every day is a new day. Yesterday we were friends, today we fight, but tomorrow we’ll be friends again.

As we grow older, our trust issue gets bigger and bigger, full of doubt and assumptions. And the commitments piling up one after another, keeping our mind occupied. Emotions always have the best of us, playing the same trick on us again and again, yet we never saw it coming, we never learned. Because being nice is hard. Because being sincere is hard. Because not being selfish is even more difficult.

We walk, we crawl, we climb, we run, and we fly. You tag along with others, or others follow you. We are always with somebody; Parents when we were babies. Friends at schools. A lover as we grow older. Wife or husband. Kids. Grandkids.

We started walking with our parents. They hold our hands. As we were able to walk faster, we let go of their hands so that we could reach out to our new found friends. Yet those hands of friendship kept changing. Some left us, and some were left by us. Very few of them will remain all the way to our death bed. Then comes love, one thing that makes or breaks other relationships, depending on how we embrace it. The love blooms into the most beautiful flower, bearing fruits of children. The cycle goes on and on.

Being a kid was carefree.

In becoming adults, the weights are all on us. More often than not, we are not able to carry them all at once. Amidst the confusion, some friends will leave us, or some will be left behind, intentionally or not. I think it is a normal development. There's no use of holding any resentment. Not being there when you cry is not an act of betrayal. Not being able to celebrate your joy is not treacherous. Whether we like it or not, along this reality, responsibilities will change. Commitments will be different. Priorities will take different routes.

Friends are friends. Once a friend, always will be. They are like A to Z. Some letters are used very often, some are not. X and Z may not play much role, but they are still parts of the A to Z that we learned and remember. When X or Z showed up once in a while, they never fail to fascinate us. Am I talking nonsense? Nevermind :P

To me, best of friends are the ones with me on the day I die, even if they were not there with me on the days I cry. Because I understand. Because you are my friend.

Friendship: Part 1

Several times I heard friends sighed on their friendships with their friends. Some due to backstabbing. Some because their friends weren’t there when they needed them. Some just crumbled inevitably by time.

There was one laughable memory when I was in standard 2. I had this really best friend. He’s a Chinese but he was so Malay by his speech. Freakishly fluent. On top of that, he totally looked malay himself. But really, he’s Chinese. So this best friend of mine had an ‘enemy’. And this ‘enemy' was also in the same class as us. As a best friend, you’re not supposed to be a friend to the ‘enemy’ of your best friend! Or so, people say. Well I sort of crossed that line. But as far as I remember, I didn’t try to befriend the ‘enemy’. I just didn’t reject his friendship when he came to me.

It was against my principle. Not that I have any principle at that time, since I was just a little Lutfi. Well you can say it’s a subconscious thing. Being true to the truth, not affected by the lies or the words of the crowds, especially ones with unfounded hatred. In simple words, I just don’t pick sides. Not without a concrete reason. Not back then, and not today. If you ask me to hate someone simply because you hate him, sorry I could not go with that flow.

So I was casted out by my best friend for being a little friendly with the so-called enemy. He totally ignored me. Seemed like I kind of backstabbed him? Though that was entirely not the case from where I stood. I never regretted my action. I did not do wrong.

That situation stayed stagnant for a few weeks, until one day we had this dental check-up at school. During class, I was called back to see the dentist again. So they thought they need to pull out one of my teeth. Darn it. I came back to class with a pale face, and with bloody cottons stuffed in my numb mouth.

The teacher was teaching. As I sat down on my chair, I heard a familiar voice calling my name in whisper. I turned around, and finally for the first time after weeks of not-talking, "Are you ok? Does it hurt?" my best friend asked.

I was down with fever the next day (Wonder where the dentist got her degree, her work got no elegance in it at all. I was such a cute kid, not some troll monster for crying out loud! Huh!). The good news is, after that day, me and my best friend became best buddies once again. But not for long. I jumped into another class the next year. I hardly ever saw him after that. Guess who became his best friend after that? The 'enemy'.

Kids. Haha. Funny, huh?

Peek-a-Boo

I've been wanting to write regularly, like at least once a week. I thought changing the layout of this blog would bring me closer to doing that. A fresh start, people say. But apparently, it all comes down to the heart's desire and security.

Having people reading this journal seems to give me some sort of insecurity. Then you might say i am stupid to write things here where everybody can access, and I might better off buy an actual diary which I can keep under my pillow. To the latter, my respond would be I have a bad handwriting. Honestly. And of course, there would be no 'backspace' button.

It's just a few hearts that I wish not to accidentally hurt. Or also perhaps, things that I hope not be known by some. Yet I do not wish to filter my visitors. It's been more than half a year, I guess the time itself filtered a lot of unwanted things for me.

I like writing things down here. It just feels different. When I write, I always imagine my kids reading them. Every line is a perfect line, so i think. I pour my heart in every sentence for them. That's why I take my time when I write something.

And when the heart is insecure, the desire cannot be fulfilled.

It's in good hands now. So I would like to try to write again.

A New Air

It tastes like strawberry, whatever it is.

It was all dark and gloomy before. I guess now it's the best time to change, to move on to the greener field on the other side and see my world from a brighter view. Well, in this case it's not a field and it's not green. They are red strawberries :P Doesn't matter. My point is, for the very first time, this blog has a bright and vibrant template! Looking at it makes me feels bubbly~ (^_^)

Regardless of everything in the past and what awaits me in the future. Regardless of what's troubling me today. I will shine brightly.

Change has never been my enemy. In fact, it's always welcomed. Trying, changing, and trying to change. Those are some of the fun things in life (^_^)

I Owe You But You Don't Own Me

Women are objects. True?
Not? Then, men are objects. True?

How about I put it this way - You can own a non-blood-related person without having to marry them. Yeah, since we are objects, we can be tossed around, we can be bought and we can be traded. We can be owned with just money and effort. Hey, how about I pay you $10000 for you to be my property? Or even better, hey you poor lil orphan girl uncle will love you and take good care of you, but when you turn 18 10 years from now you must marry this kind and loving uncle of yours who is then almost reaches 50.

Is that how things are? I owe you so you own me? Sick.

What rights do we have to claim a person as our personal property?

And what rights do we have to stop her from leaving our side? No matter how much love we have poured onto her, no matter how much effort we put in for her, no matter how much money and time we have spent for her, what rights do we have??

Sometimes people talk about rights and justice on behalf of others, even when they only know half the story. Hey u killed a kind-hearted and pious person, that's bad, sinful and totally immoral!~ (I don't care how it happened and I don't care what your reason was, you are deemed guilty!) You see, we like to judge and prejudge, and make assumptions too, on top of that. And of course, if the dead guy looks like a nice person on the surface, he is without a doubt the victim.

Alright, those above are extreme analogies. But what about in delicate issues such as love..?

How much does a heart worth? How much do you have to pay to own a person's heart? I don't think you can. It can't be bought, nor can it be traded. We can try putting in our very best effort, but a heart resonates with another heart when it feels like it. God knows how. You can't force a heart to move with money and effort. You can't force love.

Hey, I did all those things for you, you are supposed to give me your heart in return.

Yeah I probably should...but my heart doesn't resonates for yours...Do I still have to give you my heart..? Do I just ignore what it wants and give it to you anyway? For what you have done for me on your own accord and personal expectation, do I sell my own happiness?

Happiness

1st of January officially marked the 3rd effort in reaching for something I would like to call happiness. That one thing that sparkles like a diamond. And like a diamond it is, price had to be paid. No African blood was spilled, but hearts were hurt, and the cuts were deep. I hope they will all heal...

I wish I have the remedy. There is no magical potion to heal a broken heart. Is there?

I never meant to hurt you, or you, or you, and you. And especially you. My heart never felt so wretched, never so guilty.

I failed miserably in my 1st effort. Looking back now, I was just a kid trying to get a hold of that priceless diamond. Maybe it was not my time to have it yet. Came the 2nd gave me hope, with a warm and cozy feeling too. Flowers bloomed at the tip of my touch. The sky was always blue everytime i looked up above.

Under the bright blue sky, it was already sparkling in my hand, that sweet diamond. Love and be loved. This is it, I thought. And that's when reality snatched it away from me and stabbed me in the heart. I walked this earth with a knife in my chest. With love and lust I eased my pain. With hope and faith I sealed my wound. She will save me. Her hands will pull the knife off my chest and stop the love from bleeding out. Like an innocent child, I waited for her to save me. Sincerely. Devotedly.


.........



I saw a pair of hands.

Yet, they were not hers.

God, is this how it supposed to be...?

Love of My Life

Still can't write anything serious. *sigh~*

I have a few entries I wrote a couple of years ago. Unfortunately, they are in my old desktop PC which hasn't been operating for more than a year now. I love my PC. Sacrificed a lot to get it. Took only a meal a day for one whole semester, and drank only plain water. The flat screen monitor alone worth RM400+ back then. It's not LCD screen, though. Got free (but old) casing from a friend, saved about 100 ringgit. Doesn't look so bad, apart from one side of the panel wasn't there so it's pretty much bare on one side. Well, that makes it even cooler, literally and technically. Hoho. Gamers started using AMD processor back then. So I followed suit. I was quite a gamer. All in all, I spent about RM2000+ on her. Totally worth every cent! She's the love of my life~ Sometimes I spent all night being together with her. Dunno what I'd do without her~ She's my everything back then.

Oh, but now I have a lappy. So much for true love, huh?

Catching Up With Myself

Ahh, it's good to be writing again~ it's like meeting up with your long lost buddies. It'll take you a while to catch up, but it just feels great to be talking to them again. I don't read much. Novels, especially, nah ah ah. Some says you can't write if you don't read. I don't entirely deny that. Still, it doesn't make me wanna read novels. Haha. You can write if you don't read, but you can write way better if you read.

I want to write something serious. But I'm too sleepy and tired. I don't know why I'm tired. I'm just tired. I am physically tired. I'm not tired of anybody, so please don't try to impose any speculation ayte~ huhu

Wish I have 48 hours a day!! So that I could still work for 8 long hours yet I would still have 40 hours left to rest, play and do everything else. Stop procrastinating, I say that to myself all the time. Yet I always end up procrastinating in trying to stop procrastinating.

Please, I need a PA to sort everything out~ Well, big shots always have PAs and secretaries, don't they? I might just be one too, someday.

No Title

Sadness brings out the darkest side of you. The dark sides which a shattered heart could not contain. This heart of mine is always blanketed with a soft purple velvet. I am better now. Better than yesterday, at least. I am surrounded by mature and wise friends. Thanks guys!

Hearts twisted. Tears wasted. Souls...died. I am sorry that a few persons have to hurt for the path I chose. Yet our bodies keep walking this earth, searching for salvation and guidance, trying to mend our hearts with every bit of consolation. From friends, families, and even strangers, whomever lends their ears and shoulders.

My heart too was torn, but it never said I'm wrong. Lovers cried, but things never felt this right. I had my doubt, I drowned deep in thoughts. Words spoken and my eyes are open. What's done is done and I never wish for it to be undone. This is not a dream, nobody is lying. They are not lies. The fact is, this is life.

I may not be in my best state of mind to tell this, but don't lose to those bad whisperers...

Breathing Out The Guilt

I've been sighing a lot these past few days. *sigh~* Okay, that's me sighing, again. *sigh~* And again. *sigh~* Darn it. *sigh~* Arghhh!

It is beyond my senses...Beyond my control. That cold air of guilty feeling flows in together with my every breath...diffuses into my heart...dispersed to every inch of my body by the rythm of my heartbeat...

I just got to breathe it out...I have to breathe it out. But I can't breathe it all out...I can never breathe it all out. It already resides in me...In my blood. The feeling flows with the blood...leaving remnants of guilt wherever the blood penetrates...

What do I do now..? Time will heal us all, I know. Guess all I can do is keep trying to breathe it out...bit by bit...till time heal us all...

Writing Again

It's been a while. A long while. Almost 4 months. I'm not a full time writer. Not even a part-timer. It's all up to mood and feelings, I guess. My english is getting worse. Or perhaps, I'm not getting anywhere while everybody else around me keep improving. Writing is pretty essential. Well, can't help it if I don't feel like doing it, right?

I've always felt like writing. A lot happened in this 4 months. Things that got me wondering and pondering, and floating, even. But when I sat myself down in front of this screen, I'd be busy doing something else. Reading manga and facebooking, mostly. And YMing too.

Until recently, a pivotal event in my life happened. *Sigh~* Guess it's time to start writing again.

The I.E.L.T.S Incidents: Part 4

Yep, there's more. Huhu.

I finally arrived at a friend's place, a flat house in Taman Melati. My cold weren't as bad as before. Just some runny nose left. Quite irritating, though. But I'm pretty much used to it since cold and me, we're like best of buddies. It always comes knocking at my door for no apparent reason. Must be because of my sinusitis. I don't drink ice much lately. It's bad for my sinus.

Anyway, after dinner that night, there's this small food stall at the parking lot of the flat house. So my friend was offering me this ice blended fruit drink sold there. It's only a ringgit. Or was it 1.50?...Well, it's his treat. So...Jom! I was wondering how an ice blended could be so cheap. "Pop Es Blender...Patut la pun...muahaha" I was laughing out loud as I read the label on the sachet :p I did have a little doubt whether it's safe to drink, but I ordered one anyway (without considering my big exam the next day :p) - mango flavored. Truth be told, it really didn't taste much more than a ringgit. Haha. I couldn't finish it all. It tasted like Wall's Mango Tango which is to me, yuckkk~ But hey, it's ice blended. Any flavor goes~ I still finished more than half.

The next morning, I woke up with an uneasy felling. Felt like something was wrong somewhere. I shook my head. "Oh, crap...headache." I was having a cold the day before, granted, but was it es blender or was it the polluted air of KL city that made it worse?

Nevertheless, it's just a slight headache. I ignored it, got myself ready, and head out to the exam venue...

The I.E.L.T.S Incidents: Part 3

Sink or swim. Don't be too judgmental.

I approached the driver, "abang nak gi KL ke?" He's a Chinese, or perhaps a Sabahan or Sarawakian. The other 2 were a Chinese and a Malay. Then I told them my bus left me and I need to chase the bus and all. The driver was a bit reluctant at first and was asking his buddies whether they should let me in.

While putting on my puppy eyes :p I was shouting in my mind "Duh, what, are you afraid of me? You guys are tough and look like freaking gangsters~ I'm the one who should be afraid of you!!"

They finally let me ride with them. Yeyy! But things like they might stab me in the car then throw me on the roadside did cross my mind. Haha. The Malay sat with me at the back. There's a cross hanging on the backmirror.

So, off we went, chasing the stupid SANI. But here's another funny thing. I need to call the ticket counter so that they could inform the bus driver about me. Luckily I got the bus ticket with me in my pocket. There were phone numbers on the back.

I flipped open my cellphone and looked at the screen. "Crap, one bar left...adeh, main sms byk sgt dlm bas td ni~" I dialled the number anyway. A lady picked up, and I told her about what happened. That fucking lady actually snapped and scolded me! Ampeh betul. In fact she was luring me into an argument. She was saying how I should have told the bus driver before I got off the bus to the toilet or to buy a drink. I mean, does anybody really do that? The bus stopped at an R&R, for God's sake! Most of the passengers got off the bus including the bus driver! Bodoh betul. Stupid SANI.

"One bar left..." I reminded myself as I quickly toned down my voice and brought her back to reality. "Cik, saya bukan nak gaduh. Saya nak selesaikan masalah ni je. Boleh tak cik call driver tu, minta dia tunggu kat mana-mana?" After a pause, a bit nicely she said I better call the driver and deal with the driver myself. So she gave me the driver's number. I have nothing to jot down the numbers, and the battery was giving warnings. "No choice, had to memorize, and memorize it fast." A few seconds after I got the numbers, "Hello, Hello..." No answers. I looked at the screen. Blank~ "Oh, crap...Adehh, ape nak buat ni..."

Oh, what the heck..."Err...bang..." While showing my blank cellphone "Bateri abis." And the guy went "Huh?"

"Err...Bateri abis...Nak call driver bas..."

Then he went "Adoi, isk...credit abang tinggal brape ni..." while he was checking the balance. "3 ringgit 80 sen je ni..."

I put on my puppy eyes again. Haha. After a pause, he gave me his cellphone. Yeyy! I dialled the numbers and prayed that my memory didn't fail me. It got through, and yes, it's the driver alright! He agreed to wait for me at Tol Karak. Relief~

Along the way, all of them started criticizing buses and bus drivers, joking on how they would scold the bus driver after we reach the bus. And that Malay dude was telling how his pregnant wife and a few others were left at R&R Tapah. I was thinking these guys weren't so bad after all. And they were actually armies. Or was it police? Well, something like that.

We finally caught up with stupid SANI. Those guys were so kind that they waited for me to make sure it was the right bus. But the thing about scolding the bus driver, that never happened. Haha. Nevertheless, my point is, don't prejudge.

I finally caught my ride to IELTS. Wanna hear the best part? Huhu. The bus driver said he knew I wasn't on the bus. He honked lotsa times for me. Since I didn't show up, he just left me.

Stupid SANI.

The I.E.L.T.S Incidents: Part 2

"...stupid SANI"

Then I looked around to see if there's anything useful to solve this problem of mine. There's an Indian guy in his 30's walking to his Proton Arena. "Oh, this might work..." So I asked the guy whether he wanted to go to KL. Unfortunately, he just wanted to take something from his car. I looked around some more. There were lotsa cars, but I didn't see anybody near those cars.

Suddenly, something struck my mind. "Barley! My hot barley!" I quickly walked back to where I sat before. "Oh, Dear God, it's still there! Thank God! Thank you (^_^)". *I love u, hot barley~* I sat down and start sipping again. It's still hot~ Yeay!

It's about 3 pm. Sweat started coming down as I kept sipping the hot barley, whilst my brain was working on all the possible solutions on that fateful sunny day. I wondered whether I was sweating due to the hot barley in the heat of the sun or it's because of the adrenalin rush. Regardless, there's only one solution - Gotta hitch a ride. I finished my hot barley in a few minutes. Then went off to a gazebo near the carpark and wait for almost 10 minutes. There's no other SANI bus around. In fact, there were no other buses except for a Masterskills College bus.

I looked around again, searching for a possible free ride. Most of them were with families. And the cars were full. Some got in their cars and drove away before I got to them. Pathetic. Haha. Hey, if it's a movie, I would have gotten a ride from a hot chick~ True? Like hell that's gonna happen for real~

My eyes caught these 3 crook-looking guys heading to a Proton Saga...Yes, 3 guys, not 3 hot chicks. And they looked like ex-cons who just got out of jails, with those army haircuts. Well, this is reality. "Oh, what the heck..." as I walked towards them.