The I.E.L.T.S Incidents: Part 4

Yep, there's more. Huhu.

I finally arrived at a friend's place, a flat house in Taman Melati. My cold weren't as bad as before. Just some runny nose left. Quite irritating, though. But I'm pretty much used to it since cold and me, we're like best of buddies. It always comes knocking at my door for no apparent reason. Must be because of my sinusitis. I don't drink ice much lately. It's bad for my sinus.

Anyway, after dinner that night, there's this small food stall at the parking lot of the flat house. So my friend was offering me this ice blended fruit drink sold there. It's only a ringgit. Or was it 1.50?...Well, it's his treat. So...Jom! I was wondering how an ice blended could be so cheap. "Pop Es Blender...Patut la pun...muahaha" I was laughing out loud as I read the label on the sachet :p I did have a little doubt whether it's safe to drink, but I ordered one anyway (without considering my big exam the next day :p) - mango flavored. Truth be told, it really didn't taste much more than a ringgit. Haha. I couldn't finish it all. It tasted like Wall's Mango Tango which is to me, yuckkk~ But hey, it's ice blended. Any flavor goes~ I still finished more than half.

The next morning, I woke up with an uneasy felling. Felt like something was wrong somewhere. I shook my head. "Oh, crap...headache." I was having a cold the day before, granted, but was it es blender or was it the polluted air of KL city that made it worse?

Nevertheless, it's just a slight headache. I ignored it, got myself ready, and head out to the exam venue...

The I.E.L.T.S Incidents: Part 3

Sink or swim. Don't be too judgmental.

I approached the driver, "abang nak gi KL ke?" He's a Chinese, or perhaps a Sabahan or Sarawakian. The other 2 were a Chinese and a Malay. Then I told them my bus left me and I need to chase the bus and all. The driver was a bit reluctant at first and was asking his buddies whether they should let me in.

While putting on my puppy eyes :p I was shouting in my mind "Duh, what, are you afraid of me? You guys are tough and look like freaking gangsters~ I'm the one who should be afraid of you!!"

They finally let me ride with them. Yeyy! But things like they might stab me in the car then throw me on the roadside did cross my mind. Haha. The Malay sat with me at the back. There's a cross hanging on the backmirror.

So, off we went, chasing the stupid SANI. But here's another funny thing. I need to call the ticket counter so that they could inform the bus driver about me. Luckily I got the bus ticket with me in my pocket. There were phone numbers on the back.

I flipped open my cellphone and looked at the screen. "Crap, one bar left...adeh, main sms byk sgt dlm bas td ni~" I dialled the number anyway. A lady picked up, and I told her about what happened. That fucking lady actually snapped and scolded me! Ampeh betul. In fact she was luring me into an argument. She was saying how I should have told the bus driver before I got off the bus to the toilet or to buy a drink. I mean, does anybody really do that? The bus stopped at an R&R, for God's sake! Most of the passengers got off the bus including the bus driver! Bodoh betul. Stupid SANI.

"One bar left..." I reminded myself as I quickly toned down my voice and brought her back to reality. "Cik, saya bukan nak gaduh. Saya nak selesaikan masalah ni je. Boleh tak cik call driver tu, minta dia tunggu kat mana-mana?" After a pause, a bit nicely she said I better call the driver and deal with the driver myself. So she gave me the driver's number. I have nothing to jot down the numbers, and the battery was giving warnings. "No choice, had to memorize, and memorize it fast." A few seconds after I got the numbers, "Hello, Hello..." No answers. I looked at the screen. Blank~ "Oh, crap...Adehh, ape nak buat ni..."

Oh, what the heck..."Err...bang..." While showing my blank cellphone "Bateri abis." And the guy went "Huh?"

"Err...Bateri abis...Nak call driver bas..."

Then he went "Adoi, isk...credit abang tinggal brape ni..." while he was checking the balance. "3 ringgit 80 sen je ni..."

I put on my puppy eyes again. Haha. After a pause, he gave me his cellphone. Yeyy! I dialled the numbers and prayed that my memory didn't fail me. It got through, and yes, it's the driver alright! He agreed to wait for me at Tol Karak. Relief~

Along the way, all of them started criticizing buses and bus drivers, joking on how they would scold the bus driver after we reach the bus. And that Malay dude was telling how his pregnant wife and a few others were left at R&R Tapah. I was thinking these guys weren't so bad after all. And they were actually armies. Or was it police? Well, something like that.

We finally caught up with stupid SANI. Those guys were so kind that they waited for me to make sure it was the right bus. But the thing about scolding the bus driver, that never happened. Haha. Nevertheless, my point is, don't prejudge.

I finally caught my ride to IELTS. Wanna hear the best part? Huhu. The bus driver said he knew I wasn't on the bus. He honked lotsa times for me. Since I didn't show up, he just left me.

Stupid SANI.

The I.E.L.T.S Incidents: Part 2

"...stupid SANI"

Then I looked around to see if there's anything useful to solve this problem of mine. There's an Indian guy in his 30's walking to his Proton Arena. "Oh, this might work..." So I asked the guy whether he wanted to go to KL. Unfortunately, he just wanted to take something from his car. I looked around some more. There were lotsa cars, but I didn't see anybody near those cars.

Suddenly, something struck my mind. "Barley! My hot barley!" I quickly walked back to where I sat before. "Oh, Dear God, it's still there! Thank God! Thank you (^_^)". *I love u, hot barley~* I sat down and start sipping again. It's still hot~ Yeay!

It's about 3 pm. Sweat started coming down as I kept sipping the hot barley, whilst my brain was working on all the possible solutions on that fateful sunny day. I wondered whether I was sweating due to the hot barley in the heat of the sun or it's because of the adrenalin rush. Regardless, there's only one solution - Gotta hitch a ride. I finished my hot barley in a few minutes. Then went off to a gazebo near the carpark and wait for almost 10 minutes. There's no other SANI bus around. In fact, there were no other buses except for a Masterskills College bus.

I looked around again, searching for a possible free ride. Most of them were with families. And the cars were full. Some got in their cars and drove away before I got to them. Pathetic. Haha. Hey, if it's a movie, I would have gotten a ride from a hot chick~ True? Like hell that's gonna happen for real~

My eyes caught these 3 crook-looking guys heading to a Proton Saga...Yes, 3 guys, not 3 hot chicks. And they looked like ex-cons who just got out of jails, with those army haircuts. Well, this is reality. "Oh, what the heck..." as I walked towards them.

The I.E.L.T.S Incidents: Part 1

Going back home from work today and there was 'Trouble Is A friend' by Lenka on the radio. It really made my day thus I am very happy. So I decided to write tonight (^_^)

Nonetheless, I'm not writing simply for the sake of writing. It's actually a story worth telling my kids.

I took the IELTS exam on June 13th. That would be on Saturday. So I took a morning bus from Kuala Terengganu to KL on the day before. The bus stopped at Chendor (before Cherating). Answered the nature call, then the Divine call, then the tummy call. More like the taste bud call. coz I only ate a bread and the all-time favorite, Tropicana :p

After an hour or so, the bus stopped again at R&R Temerloh. I wondered why, it's only been about an hour... But oh, what the heck, I wasn't feeling well. Minor sore throat with a slight fever. So I didn't give much thought on such trivial question. The nature called again. Dammit. The parking space for buses was quite far from the toilet and the shop lots. Still, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. Gotta answer the call~ huhu :p

A big relief. And hey, the bus was still there. Good. Now to ease my sore throat. Hmm...hot barley sounded really good at that time. So I ordered one, found a seat, sit down, and start sipping with a hope that the heat would kill away all the bacteria in my throat. Haha. Just after a few sips, I noticed something peculiar, or rather... frightening. There were many people there, but somehow, it was too quiet! "Where are other passengers from my bus?!"

A shockwave raced through my veins. I stood up, left my dear hot barley Oh, hot barley I love you, farewell~ and stepped out a bit. "Oh, thank God the bus is still there! Must be my imagination~ huhu"

Lalalalalaa~ I went back to my sweet barley~ After only a couple of indulging sips, my eye caught a glimpse of a big red thingy from afar, moving slowly. I quickly turned. "Hey, that looks familiar...Oh crap, it's moving." While keeping my macho intact, I stood up once again I love you, hot barley. Goodbye~ and start walking. Slowly...slowly...a bit faster...faster...then a lot faster. I seriously thought the bus would stop and wait for me. Apparently, it didn't. Haha. Who am I kidding~ "Oh well, there goes my ride to IELTS. Stupid SANI..."

Drained~

Couldn't get myself into this virtual world for the last couple of weeks. Last week I had to forked out rm260 for this new wireless-N modem~ the old modem got faulty on one dreadful stormy night. Huhu. But not even one drop of my manly tear wasted for that old *&%#@ modem. It always tested my patience. Cian dia selalu kena sumpah seranah. Huhu. Thank God it's broken :) and I had to buy a new one :( and this new one is wireless! (^_^)

The week before, I attended a 2-day seminar at Lake Kenyir Resort. Woohooo!~ And on the weekend I went to Kuantan to pay a visit to my big brother. He was leaving for Aussie that week.

And the week before that, I was totally drained by this! --->

I had to arrange almost everything - the food, the chairs, the cards, the decorations. We didn't have 'pelamin' for 'bersanding'. But we did have what you may call a background where the bride and the groom would sit there and lepak-lepak while entertaining the guests. And 90% of that background thingy was prepared by me. Yep, u read it right, ME. Well, don't expect anything too grandeur~ haha. But it wasn't shabby either. Done in the midst of chaos, it's pretty good, I'd say. Huhu :p

But these are the only decent pictures I have with me now. Have to wait for the pics from the professional photographer. Early next month, perhaps.

White satin, outer-layered with organza, and with white and red LED lightings in between em. But the lights weren't turned on when this pic was taken. Oh, come by to my house. The thing is still standing firm. Penat buat sehh, so biar je kat situ sampai bila2~ huhu

Zoom in a bit (^_^)

I need a break~ huhu

Security

Why do we get married? Because of love? If my life is all the same after marriage, isn't it pointless to get married? It doesn't make any difference, except for my status - married, instead of single.

Do guys want security? Hmm...a girl asked me to marry her, yet I couldn't find security in the future she's giving me. I might be in another part of the world for the next few years. And she might choose to be in another part of the world for the next few years. Her family is in another part of the world. And my family is in another part of the world. And she'll be working in yet another part of the world. I couldn't find the connection. I couldn't find the things that connects her to me. Simply love? I couldn't find the things that can be changed or improved through our marriage.

I am a muslim. To me, the love between 2 persons actually does not involves only that 2 persons. When we are married to someone, we are married to her family, her relatives, her friends, and even her pet. We are married to her whole life. I know, we can't please everybody. But do consider the important people in her life. Love is nothing without blessings.

I have a 60-year-old mother. And I'm the last son in the family. All 4 of my brothers were married. To be honest, not all went well. Therefore in things such as this, I tend to think about my mother. I seek her blessing more than everything else. You can't have me if you don't have her.

Leaning Against The Wall

I think it's about time for me to think about having somebody in my life.

But hmm...sometimes you think she's pretty or nice or gorgeous or beautiful or so damn fine-looking or super damn cute. But when you take your thought a bit far ahead, all those positive attractions are only one small portion of a larger issue. Coz far ahead, she won't be just a girl anymore. She'll be your wife and a mother to your cute kids. A daughter-in-law to your mother and a new member of your family.

I just want somebody who could be there next to me as my lovely wedded wife. Who could be the mother to my kids. A new daughter to my mother. And a loved sister in my family. Wife. Hmm.. I wonder what the word really means these days. Is being married enough to be called a wife or a husband? People today have so many other priorities. Who really cares about being a wife or a husband to somebody anymore anyway? Let's just live, get married, fuck each other once in a while, have kids and just get old and die. Yeay~

Wanna be my wife? Anybody? Nah, perhaps my life is better off on its own. What's the point of having someone who's not even there the moment you need to lean on her chest? In the end, I have to rely on myself and console my own heart. Just lean against that empty wall that will always stand there and never leave me.

Can't blame anybody tho. We can't have everything that we want. Everybody have their own life to think about. Their own future. And we too have our own future. We can't simply beg the person to have us in their future. And neither could we force them to be in our future. It'd be selfish. So many diverged paths in our lives. A lot of decisions have to be made every now and then. And I may or may not be able to follow on the path that you take.

My Heart, Again

When I talked about this, I was actually referring to the heart of my mother. And the ones before me were my brothers and sister. Marriage is one problematic issue. Let's leave it at that, for the moment.

******************************

Did we choose to be given this life? No, not that I remember. But we make crucial choices everyday, for our hearts to keep on beating.

And if you have a big heart, the choices you make would be for the hearts around you, for them to keep on beating with the rhythm of joy, even in the expense of your own heart. But it doesn't matter. Coz your heart is big. They can slice and dice and take all they want. There's always a small chunk left for you to use, to warm yourself up after everything. And you are always happy with just that.

What seems to be the problem, then?

There's this one situation where no matter how big your heart is, you still cannot take care of everyone's heart. "Damn, how should I deal with this? A heart will inevitably get hurt," you might say. A crucial choice has to be made. A heart will get hurt. No any other way.

But there's no right or wrong in this. It's nobody's fault. It comes uninvited, and sometimes never goes away. To the lucky chosen one, it's a dream come true. But if the choice made is not in another one's favour, he or she would wish that everything is just a bad dream.

Friends Test!

Another quick one! I put this up on my Friendster page. huhu. Nobody scored A. I mean, above 80% correct. Huhu. Hmm...the 1st one who got 100% correct, I might treat him/her something reaaaaly gooood~ Ikut la nak caye ke tak. I never lie ;) Sorang sekali try je. Tarikh tutup sehingga next entry. Gud luck~ (^_^)

Question #1

What is my full name?

A. Muhammad Lutfi Bin Lukman

B. Ahmad Lutfi Bin Lukman

C. Mohd. Lutfi Bin Lukman

D. Muhd. Lutfi Bin Lukman

Question #2

When is my birthday?

A. 23rd September 1984

B. 20th November 1984

C. 21st November 1984

D. 23rd November 1984

Question #3

What is my hobby?

A. Listening to songs

B. Watching anime

C. Reading manga

D. Outdoor activities

Question #4

Which one is my favorite ice-cream?

A. Paddle pop Rainbow

B. Cornetto with Kit Kat

C. Magnum

D. Tropicana

Question #5

What is my favorite food

A. Spaghetti

B. Pizza

C. Satay

D. Nasi Briyani

Question #6

Which one is the most important?

A. My handphone

B. My computer

C. My wallet

D. My wristwatch

Question #7

What is my highest aim, in 10 years from now?

A. Financial freedom

B. Become a distinguished professor in a biotechnology field

C. Have 4 children with a lovely wife (^_^)

D. Build a house for my mother

Question #8

How many sisters do I have now?

A. 6

B. 5

C. 4

D. 3

Question #9

Why am I still not married?

A. I don\'t have enough money for the marriage process

B. I want to take my mum to vacation first

C. I don\'t have anyone that I like yet

D. I want to, but I already got rejected 8 times!

Question #10

Who is my favorite manga character?

A. Monkey D. Luffy from One Piece

B. Kurosaki Ichigo from Bleach

C. Himura Kenshin from Rurouni Kenshin

D. Hatake Kakashi from Naruto

Question #11

Which creature do I like the most?

A. Cats

B. Hamsters

C. Fishes

D. Spiders

Question #12

What is my favorite color?

A. Black

B. Orange

C. Green

D. Purple

Question #13

Which car do I like better?

A. Mercedes CLK

B. BMW 5 Series

C. Volkswagen New Beetle

D. Mitsubishi Evo VIII

Question #14

What is bad about me?

A. Stingy

B. Cruel

C. Forgetful

D. Clumsy

Question #15

What year do I want to get married?

A. 2010

B. 2011

C. 2012

D. 2013

Lalutan :p

Darn...when I have soooo much to say, to write, that's the time my notebook goes kaput! Well, it's not exactly the notebook. It's the adapter. But my laptop can't stay alive for long without the adapter!~ Luckily it's still within warranty period. But it's already been 2 weeks since I requested for a new one~ *sigh* If u ask me what my 'nyawa' is, it's always been my PC. Huhu :p

Ok, a short one. Yesterday I tagged along with my ma to textile shop. She wanna buy some cloths for raya and for my sis's wedding. I enjoy arts, so it's not such a boring thing to do. Haha. But the price? Scary~ And it got me thinking..."Luckily i'm not married yet..." Haha

Hmm...apa lagi ek. Oh, I really like the song by Katy Perry, Thinking of You. Though it has nothing to do with my life, mind you! hehe. And what's the song by The Fabulous Cats...Akasia? Something like that. Us Against The World by Christina Milian. I like plenty of songs, it's just that these catches my attention a bit more than others. Not that they mean anything to me. It's the lyrics, the songs arrangements, and the soul that they bind with the songs.

K, dats all. Roger and out! Bateri dah nak abis~ Tapi sekali sekala melalut pun best gak. I should do this sometimes. Haha

Oh, one more addition! That same night, S.H.E's concert was on MTV. Yeah, I'm a fan. I'm sure many of you don't know what kinda group that is. Huhu. Anyway, how I wish I have someone who can help me understand their songs better. And also Jay Chou's. That's a lot more complicated. My Chinese is getting very rusty~ Any amoi want to volunteer? :p

Earth Hour - Frustration in Terengganu!

I am utterly disappointed with Terengganu! Ampeh betul.

But I am proud with myself and my family! At exactly 8.30pm tonight, we switch off all the lights in our house in support of THE EARTH HOUR 2009! (^_^)v

I thought all the lights in Terengganu were switched off. And I was extremely excited going out to see the sign of unity in the state of Terengganu so-called Darul Iman. Even my 62-year old mom was excited and tagged along with me. And all we got to see was disappointment and frustration! Terang benderang, siap ada lampu kelip-kelip lagi! Damn ignorant people~

Hey, even my Indonesian neighbour switched off their lights tau! Tolong la. Malu la siket!~ You call yourself Malaysians?? Huh. I am sooo not proud with myself being an Orang Teganu right now.

And dear state government, you wanna get votes and support from the youth? Keep on dreaming. You lots will never get it!

Arggghhhh!!!! Sucks!

My Heart

I suddenly have a lot to say, and to remind myself of.

Ada sekeping hati ni yang susah sangat nak jaga. But no matter what, I have to take very very good care of it. That heart over my own heart. Will my heart crumble and rebel too one day? I pray that I will always have the strength, more than the ones before me.

But it takes a big heart to take care of another heart. And the bigger your heart is, the more hearts it can take care of. The question is, do you really want that? Coz a big heart is very heavy to carry. Very heavy.

A Story for My Grandson.

Too much thoughts in the past entries. Haha. I should have some facts in this blog too. Perhaps I should write something for my grandson to read about his grandpa later :p

So dear grandson,

Grandpa was sooo occupied with work this week! And as always, things just wouldn't run smoothly for me. There's always a hole or a tree or a puddle of mud in my way. Haha. But at the end of the week, I can still sit in front of this notebook of mine and said to myself, "So things didn't end up so bad after all..."

I had to present a project today, partly my project. I had to show the final presentation slides to my boss yesterday, and the draft the day before. After all, the project is under her supervision. And it's a project comprises 3 sub-projects. Quite a headache to combine and relate everything to each other. Some of the stuffs were beyond my expertise~ huhu.

I'm sure I was given 1-month notice about the presentation. But whether this is a last-minute work, I'm not sure anymore. Coz I don't think I had much time in the weeks before since I'm also involved in the newsletter for the company. Had to cover up events from January to March, wrote articles about em. U know, like a journalist. Haha. Oh, that's definitely a last-minute work. January to March, that was the time I had. There were like 6-7 important events from January til March. Luckily I have a new assistant now to help me with this stuff. Huhu. And there were also a couple of admin stuffs I needed to cater.

However, I'd like to emphasize here that those are additional workloads. My main tasks in this company are to handle 2 practicals and to do research. And I have 2 ongoing research here, and one of em ain't progressing much *sigh~*. I also have to help other colleagues with their research once in a while. It's good to be helpful tho. Oh, one of the practicals was giving me headache in the past couple of weeks. I had to arrange field trip for our clients. Luckily everything worked out in the end. After a couple of pening times, that is. huhu

Anyway, back to my presentation. My notebook was faulty last 2 days. i just got it back in the late afternoon today. Luckily I have most of the important stuffs in my thumbdrive. And luckily I just got my new PC from the company! But the problem was, I couldn't do my work at home~ so I had to finish everything at work. Oh btw! I think this was the first time I didn't stay up all night preparing slides! It was always last-minute work in the past. Haha.

Then last night we got a call. A close relative just passed away. Close by blood, but I'm sure me and him, we didn't know each other. But my ma insisted to go. But she did ask me whether I had the strength to go. I agreed with a heavy heart. It was almost 2 hours away~ and I was thinking about reading a bit on my next-day presentation. I was glad that sincerity came knocking along the way. Yeah, visiting a deceased relative couldn't be a bad thing, I thought. I drove my car happily all the way. We arrived back at home after midnight. But I was glad I agreed to go.

I wouldn't call it a bad presentation. But the project that I presented really raised up some issues. I received lotsa questions and comments, both constructive and destructive :p I didn't get to answer most of the comments due to time constraint. Plus, I respect the elderly. Huhu. I have a question raised up in my head tho, if big shots like MARDI or MPOB or LGM cancelled a research, does it mean that the research is worthless or have no future? I think not.To me, there must be ways to make things work. In research, if you start today, you can't get the results tomorrow. Get what I mean? And this is a place where knowledge is gathered, it is not a corporate company. It's a place where research may be less useful, but it is never useless. But someday, the insignificant one might fit in the puzzle somewhere...

So grandson, you wanna be like your grandpa? (^_^)v

P/s: Sorry if you can't figure out the kinda 'company' I'm working in. Haha.

You Can't Have It All

I am not trying to impose a negative vibe into your veins. I am merely stating a truth that hurts. Out of 100 things that you want to have (or do) in life, perhaps only 50 would end up as yours. If you try hard, you might get 60. If you try harder, does 70 sounds satisfactory? Even harder, maybe 80, or 90. But know this, no matter how hard you try, the most you could get is 99. Never a hundred. Mind you, I am not talking about exam or game scores. Haha.

Even if you did get 99. That 1 last thing in your list might be the one thing that you want the most. Yes, the 100th thing that you just cannot grab might actually be the 1st in your long list.

We all have minds and hearts of our own, feelings and thoughts. We all have dreams and wishes too. We are attracted to something everyday. And perhaps once in your lifetime, you are attracted to someone? What if it's that one thing that you just cannot have? Would it hurt a lot when the truth hits you? I bet it would hurt. A lot, if you can't accept the fact that you can't have it all.

But sometimes you just don't know when to stop hoping and wishing. And as you go along, you keep hurting yourself in many ways. You might get disappointed with life. God is not fair, you may think.

But I think God is fair because nobody can have everything. If you can have everything that you want, the world would be in chaos. Some things are not meant to be yours. It belongs to somebody else. Truth hurts, it usually does. However, if those things are not meant to be yours, something else are definitely waiting for you. So don't stop there, keep looking.

Maybe the 100th thing that you can't have really is the 100th thing in your list, and so it doesn't matters much if you don't have it. And nobody says you can't have the 1st and the most important thing in your list. You won't know till you try and grab it with all your strength. I'm sure my future wife would tell you the same thing :p Perhaps, it is made for you, meant for you. In fact, that's the fun part of being alive and free, the fun part of being human. So enjoy the process. If in the end you find out that it is not for you, what can I say, you just can't have it all.

Blessing In Disguise

Things turned out rather unexpectedly for me, in many occasions. Makes me think that blessings always wear masks. Ugly masks. We seldom try to look behind the mask. Try to take it off and there lies a fair and beautiful blessing. Always.

Things don't always go the way you want them to be. Life can be like ABC, but it's usually like A TO Z. There are 24 more letters in between. F word is always around. There's a big L too. There's also the always-perplexing X. Even if you ask Y, sometimes there's just no answer. B who? B where? B what? Only U can decide. Or U can choose to end up as an S. All I know, this is a beautiful world, there's a lot to C. M not gonna let things stop at the big L. Sometimes you wonder if it's the N and you should stop there. No, there's more. Don't stop till you reach Z, where you can rest and sleep peacefully with a big smile on your face.

Bagai matahari selepas hujan
Memancar cahaya meniti gerimis
Melakar pelangi di awangan

Have faith, coz the light will come out eventually. And rain isn't such a bad thing. Enjoy every moment, even when it's raining. Don't hate it. Coz the rainbow wouldn't be there if the rain didn't fall first. Go out, and dance in the rain.

I Hate Falling In Love

It makes you suffocate,
It makes you lose control over yourself,
It makes your chest hurt inside,
It makes you feel miserable,
When you miss her.

It makes you spend your wealth on her,
It makes you spend your time for her,
It makes you spend your energy on her.
The worst part is,
You do it all gladly with all your heart.

But even worse,
It makes you open up your heart,
It makes you express your long suppressed emotions,
It makes you be you,
It brings out the best in you.
It gets you higher,
And at the same time makes you high.
You can't hide yourself anymore, everybody could see the real you now,
Especially her.

Regardless of everything,
I am indeed falling.
And I am falling deep...
Deeper and deeper each day.
And it's all her fault.
I hate her. I hate her. I hate her.

I own my feelings,
Or my feelings own me?
Dear feelings, have mercy on your master.

Interval

I'm 24 years old this year.
It's the age when you start to feel like getting married.
For a mixture of vague and hazy reasons, you just can't.
Are you in the same situation?

---------------------------------------------------------

I shall not be updating Scandals in Lutfi's Life for a while.
I want to be more honest, and more revealing.
I'm not ready.
I am truly sorry.

In the meantime.
I shall be working on another blog.
Something less personal.
Something for the whole.
Revamp Malaysia

------------------------------------

I would always try to avoid trouble.
But if a trouble comes to me,
I would turn it into happiness.
And girls are indeed...troublesome.

When I come back.
I promise you more scandals.
They are so scandalous that you'll be craving for more.
Haha.

XOXO Luts
5th of November 2008

Tag Yang Dibenci

No offence for the title :p But I really hate tags, coz it forces something out of me. Not a right way of communication. But since I've been tagged, here goes anyway~ But please don't tag me anymore. Pleaaasssse~ I really mean it. *sob sob*

THIS ONE'S FROM MOON

7 fakta tentang saya:

1) Not yet 24 years old. Almost 19. Huhu. Still young and immature.
2) Small devious eyes
3) Jahat
4) Keji
5) Selekeh
6) Suka kutuk orang
7) Tak gentleman langsung
*No.2-7 are what my friends wud say about me*

7 perkara menakutkan saya.

1) Hellfire
2) Azab kubur
3) Sins
4) Killing someone, or an innocent creature
5) Hurting someone, or innocent creatures
6) Making a mistake dat involves other people, and it can't be undone
7) Ghost

7 lagu buat masa sekarang

1) What About Now - Daughtry
2) I'm Yours - Jason Mraz
3) Give You The World - The D.E.Y
4) Mantera Beradu - Malique feat. M. Nasir
5) 7 Things - Miley Cyrus
6) Kekasih Yang Tak Dianggap - Kertas
7) Situasi - Bunkface
*I love listening to Yuna's song. Damn her voice is so angelic*

7 perkara yang saya selalu sebut

1) Huhu
2) Arkkk
3) Muahaha
4) Lalalalalaa~
5) Crap
6) Cisss
7) Celake

7 perkara amat bernilai

1) Family
2) Friends
3) Hadiah orang bagi
4) Money~
5) The car that I'm using now
6) My PC
7) My wallet and everything in it

7 'pertama kali' dalam hidup saya

1) Arghh~ mana nak ingat~
2) Arghh~ mana nak ingat~
3) Arghh~ mana nak ingat~
4) Arghh~ mana nak ingat~
5) Arghh~ mana nak ingat~
6) Arghh~ mana nak ingat~
7) Arghh~ mana nak ingat~

7 blog yang dipilih untuk tag

1) Blog Afdlin Shauki
2) Blog Mahathir
3) Blog Anwar
4) Blog Lim Kit Siang
5) Blog Raja Petra
6) Blog Hot fm
7) Blog Era fm
Muahahahahahaha


THIS ONE'S FROM JAS

What were you doing 5 years ago?
2003...MCIIUM

What were the 5 things on your to do list today?
1. go to work
2. work
3. have fun at work
4. lepak at my workplace
5. Bermain tenet
*I don't have a to-do-list lah~*

What are 5 snacks that you enjoy?
1. kerepek
2. keropok
3. koko krunch + milk
4. cornflakes + milk
5. aiskim!

What are 5 things that you would do if you a billionaire?
1. I'll turn myself into a multi-billionaire
2. Nak buat beberapa fund/tabung yayasan
3. My dreamhouse!
4. Wanna have a themed restaurant/cafe
5. Wanna travel the world and go places

What are 5 jobs you’ve had?
1. ajar tusyen
2. data-entry
3. research assistant
4. prebet sapu
5. jual dadih

Tag 5 other Blogger….?
1. mahathir
2. anwar ibrahim
3. afdlin shauki
4. lim kit siang
5. raja petra
*muahahahaha*

Bloggy Persona Scandal

I've been using the same template for more than a year now. It's time to move on and change to a new one. I'm thinking of upgrading a couple of things as well while I'm at it. Add some gadgets, taggy, ads, things like that. The problem is, I couldn't find a perfect skin even after searching in various websites. This skin is for temporary. Or do you think it's good enough to replace the old one? Hmm...Black + red...looks pretty scandalous, isn't it? Huhu :p Just a coincidence lah. I was actually looking for something fresh and light, and perhaps something blue. Failed to find a nice one~ *sigh* By the way dear readers, if you have some courtesy, do help me with the polls on your left. I can't seem to make up my mind~ haha.

Anyway, I really like the old template, I just felt connected. But there are things in life that we just need to let go when the time comes. Sad, but true. But after you move on, another happiness awaits, in sya Allah (^_^)

Becoming & Being Better

I like Islam. Not coz it's my religion. I don't know. I just feel comfortable with it. Well, I'm not really a pious muslim. I'm just a so-so guy with a civic mind. But for some reason, Islam is one thing that I hold dearly. Mind you, I'm not a fanatic~ Before I go further, lets see where I'm standing now...

• I do not miss solah wajib.
• I do solah sunah rawatib (before or after solah wajib) occasionally, when I feel like it. I skip it most of the times.
  
• In my almost 24 years of life, I only perform solah sunah tahajud a few times. That's because we have qiamullail program. I don't think I have ever done it by myself.
• I pay zakat now.
  
• I fast (puasa). Never purposely miss it ever since standard 3.
• I still don't have that intention to collect lots n lots n tonnes of pahala during Ramadhan. Except for fasting and tarawih. I think everything else goes pretty much the same. Lailatul-qadr? still the same... *sigh*
  
• I do perform solah sunah tarawih, but sometimes I'm not so up to it. Tired and lazy~ But I do it anyway, up to 8 rakaah only. huhu.
  
• Solah sunah tarawih 20 rakaah? Not more than 3 times each year. This year? only twice~
• I like to recite the Quran, it makes me feel good. But I seldom go through the meanings.
• I do not want to kill anyone, disobey my parents, zina, steal anything or do any other big sins. Nauzubillah.
• I have a civic mind, but I'm not very pious. I wish I could avoid the smaller sins. But sometimes I purposely do it. But guilty feelings would stick around afterwards. But I do it again anyway :p
• Knowledge regarding Islam? I don't think I have much.

Well, I am a good person. Yes I do think that I am a good person. *tak malu. huhu.* But I do not think that I am a good-enough muslim. Do good deeds. Yep, I could do some. Avoid the bad ones. Nope, can't avoid all. That's where I'm standing now.

It's almost the end of Ramadhan. Am I better than I was last year? Yes. Am I worse than last year? Yes, too. Some part of me became better yet another part became worse. This year I eat moderately for buka puasa. Last year was always 'berhenti selepas kenyang'. I don't recite al-Quran this year as much as I did the years before. Well that's just two simple examples. There are other changes. The thing is, how can I say I'm a better person? or a better muslim?

Regardless of everything, I don't feel really really bad. *A little bad, yeah* Coz I do have the intention of being a better muslim. It's not an easy path. It may take some time. Years, maybe. Or decades. At this rate now, to be honest with myself, sins are not always avoidable. Sometimes things just happen. And sometimes it happens too fast it can't be undone anymore. And sometimes you are putting fun as your priority in life. Sometimes u got lost for a moment, or for a while. I consider that as a detour.

I would always do good deeds. But I also don't have doubt of doing something sinful someday. When you're alone, you tend to get lost easier. Perhaps when I have my own wife and kids to take care of, I won't get lost anymore. Nevertheless, no matter how lost I might be, I know that I would find my way back to the path, the path in becoming a better muslim. With a prayer that He would always be guiding me.

DEAR BLOG, DEAR YOU, DEAR READERS, SELAMAT HARI RAYA. MAAF ZAHIR BATIN. Forgive me if I ever put a cut on your soft, fragile heart. For it was never intended. Wallahu a'lam.