We started as strangers on cyber space - MIRC. That was...end of '99 or early 2000. Oh, we had these rules - No pictures, no phone calls, no meetings. Even with those rules, we became bestfriends ever since. Then on the 5th of February 2006, she confessed her feelings. I've never ever seen a picture of her, never heard her voice, and never met her in person, yet I accepted her wholeheartedly. Couldn't help it, she said
But then she started to feel inconfident, thinking that my existence by her side was too good to be true, and that I deserved a better girl. She even claimed that she was fat and had a very dark skin, a very ugly person she is. Her favorite phrase was 'go for another girl'. Well, as for me, I've made my decision, and my decision was firm. It doesn't matter how she looks like, I'm all for her. I always wondered why it is so hard for her to accept that fact. This phase, I had to go through it at least once a month~
She broke the 1st promise by looking at my pictures in this blog. Then she broke the 2nd promise too. We broke the 3rd one together by agreeing to meet each other. I went to her house during Hari Raya. That's the first time I saw her face. Looking at her for the first time, I asked myself, 'WHY? She's lovely, has a pretty face and a beautiful body, so why is she so inconfident being with me?'
Well, we had our fun, enjoying each other's company, went out together a few times. She was nothing but sweet, pretty, adorable and so on and on and on (you don't wanna hear more of these :p)
The unpleasant thing is, at least once a month she would find something to argue about with me. And in the end, 'Go for another girl~'. Lack trust and lack self-confidence - two main ingredients for a pitiful relationship. I had to rebuild that trust, again and again, everytime we argued. Believe me, it was damn tiring.
Male or female, guys or girls, men or women, we all need someone that we can lean on to. You know, a shoulder to cry on. No matter how strong a person is, he needs to lean on someone once in a while. She's always leaning on me, wallowing in self pity. So I hardly had my chance to cry on her shoulder instead.
All those tiring moments, added with several big incidents, and you have a breakup ;)
'I love u, dammit!'
Haha. But really, I liked her attitude. After that, we were happy.
But then she started to feel inconfident, thinking that my existence by her side was too good to be true, and that I deserved a better girl. She even claimed that she was fat and had a very dark skin, a very ugly person she is. Her favorite phrase was 'go for another girl'. Well, as for me, I've made my decision, and my decision was firm. It doesn't matter how she looks like, I'm all for her. I always wondered why it is so hard for her to accept that fact. This phase, I had to go through it at least once a month~
She broke the 1st promise by looking at my pictures in this blog. Then she broke the 2nd promise too. We broke the 3rd one together by agreeing to meet each other. I went to her house during Hari Raya. That's the first time I saw her face. Looking at her for the first time, I asked myself, 'WHY? She's lovely, has a pretty face and a beautiful body, so why is she so inconfident being with me?'
Well, we had our fun, enjoying each other's company, went out together a few times. She was nothing but sweet, pretty, adorable and so on and on and on (you don't wanna hear more of these :p)
The unpleasant thing is, at least once a month she would find something to argue about with me. And in the end, 'Go for another girl~'. Lack trust and lack self-confidence - two main ingredients for a pitiful relationship. I had to rebuild that trust, again and again, everytime we argued. Believe me, it was damn tiring.
Male or female, guys or girls, men or women, we all need someone that we can lean on to. You know, a shoulder to cry on. No matter how strong a person is, he needs to lean on someone once in a while. She's always leaning on me, wallowing in self pity. So I hardly had my chance to cry on her shoulder instead.
All those tiring moments, added with several big incidents, and you have a breakup ;)
4 comments:
It's hard to be in a relationship when you don't believe in yourself. I guess I can identify with her in that sense. "You have to love yourself first before you can love others." Easier said than done, when you have a self-wallowing complex -__-;;
But hey, we all learnt something from our past relationships, don't we? Let's hope we'll get better at it as we go along the way :D
Oh my...you must be her...
Idaman. Impian.
Too good to be true.
Self-pity. That's like, my middle name? I think he expects a lotsa improvement.and it aint his fault. I'm terribly flawed.
*still singing to Creep by Radiohead
**juhjuh**
Thank you. Well, I learnt lotsa things, indeed. I got a lot better too ;)
"You have to love yourself first before you can love others and then be loved"
I think if you don't believe in yourself, you're not ready to be in any relationship. No, no, not yet.
**neem**
Yeah , read that wonderful piece of yours about Idaman and Impian :) *sigh*, *sigh*, and another *sigh* coz there are similarities with what I've been through. It reminded me of her~
Konfiden sket, neem. You're a fine lady (not to mention , seksi). Be proud ;)
Sedih...sedih...isk isk isk
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