After the SHE series (refer to archive July and August 2007), I haven't really talk about my breakup, have I? Hmmm...more than a year has passed since the day she let me go. Nothing much, it's just that I've been thinking a bit, about how I've been doing throughout this one year. Wiser, yes. Better, too ;)
BEFORE
I wasn't an introvert, but more like a 'close' person. I don't socialize much with girls, except with the friends I'm very familiar with. Not because I couldn't, but it's because I wouldn't. My instinct told me to keep my distance from the other gender. Why? I didn't really know why. It just felt safer that way.
I wasn't a really bad muslim. A lil bad perhaps, with some bad deeds here and there. What can I say~ Average human with flaws. Huhu :p
As a person, putting aside my action and reaction towards girls, I think I'm a pretty nice dude. The guys who really knew me back then would say I'm a decently nice guy :p
DURING
I started to open myself up a bit. I dunno, it just felt safer with her attached to me. My heart was with her, so other girls couldn't do anything to it. Hence, I started to get to know my female colleagues. No other agenda, simply for the sake of friendship, catching up a couple of years that I had missed.
I think I was a better muslim. Well, I did a couple of big mistakes, in which I very very much regretted later. But in terms of faith, I wouldn't know for sure coz it's His judgment, but I think I was closer to Him than before. Even after she did what she did, I still reach out for her. I loved her for the sake of Allah. That's how I always thought about us, though in the end I was not appreciated. Did I not try hard enough...? I wondered.
As a person...I think I got nicer as well. Now it's ok to be kind to everyone, regardless of their genders. I even got myself a nice lil' sis.
AFTER
I'm still being open. I did consider going back to the me before, but I think I am wise enough to handle my relationship with anyone now. A little insecure though, because I've taken my heart back from her and keep it with me. It's a little wobbly in my care :p Nonetheless, I manage to keep it safe to this very day.
Yes, a much better muslim. I learnt from my mistakes. I have a stronger faith, I'd say. But I really have to work on the practical part. Dah lama tak puasa sunat ni. Selalu subuh ala elephant plak tu~ tsk tsk tsk~
Still a nice person....though many may disagree :p
I'm holding back a little. Gotta be careful with what I do. Since this blog is read by many, let's not venture much into this part ;)
6 comments:
I even got myself a nice lil sis...
You make me sounds like a a nice lil teddy bear, or a nice lil kitty... Haha
How are you holding up, there, my man? Did you miss my cakes? Ngehehe... :)
Hmm...dh start series baru. X sabar nk bc next chapter.hehehe
Insecure eh? Mengada :p
**hidayahaziz**
I'm pretty gud! I always am ;) Of coz, make me some of those cheese cakes and chocolate cakes!
**sz**
Hey, I didn't lie. It really was insecure~ huhu. Don't expect too much. This one is a lil more straightforward. Not much melancholy, playing with words etc. Just a simple straightforward story. Enjoy ;)
ugh, u should just stick with ati lah bro, that hidayahaziz only came up because i was using my wordpress open id.
ati, ok?
i didn't call u lutfi, :p
**hidayahaziz**
ati, it's the policy of this blog, addressing em with the name shown up there. And as far as I remember, u never call me anything in the real world~ not lutfi, nor bro~ ada ke...takde kan? huhu
ark, guilty. :P
let's not venture into that now, shall we? :)
(tgh buat cupcakes, org order 30, makcik kayo...!)
Take care, oni-san!
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