The Breakup Songs : Final Verse

I don't think breaking up is easy, but Alhamdulillah, I went through it without too much difficulties. What happened between me and her, I don't think any normal guy could take it. I would really like to get it off my chest, but I couldn't do it. Not now. One fine day, perhaps, in the arms of my lovely wife :) Oh, in addition to what had been going on between me and her, I was the president of a society back then. (Lepas abis meeting abang call la balik. Tapi tak paham-paham. And the phone kept vibrating...). Exam was around the corner too when we broke up. Crazy, huh? I tried not to let my tragedy affect others though. I think I managed just that.

Why my instinct told me to keep my distance before kinda make sense now. If this happened when I was younger, perhaps I might not be able to handle it. Definitely not~

And it's not at all the end of the world. More like a new beginning to me. Now I am more certain with what I want in life, where I want to be and who I want to be with. I can restructure my life for my best interest, without considering my other half. You can also look at it as 'my second chance'. Perhaps, my 1st choice wasn't the best for me. (and of coz, I might not be the best choice for her too). So, both of us are allowed to choose again. Pray that I'll marry someone in 2010! (^_^)v

Before I was in the relationship, I've always wondered how it would feel to break up with the one you love. We got so many songs telling you about love and heartbreak, picking up and dropping off, the sweet and the bitter feelings. I wonder if I would enjoy these songs better after I broke up with someone. I got my answer now. Yes! Haha :p However, when I was with her, I hope it would never happen. Truth hurts, but I accepted it with an open heart.

For those who have been brokenhearted, I dedicate these songs to me, and you too. Be sad, but not for too long. Get back on your feet. Chin up, cheer up. Stand tall. Head held high. Wipe off the traces of your weeping. Take a deep breath. Open your eyes. Bismillaahi Ar-rahmaani Ar-rahiim. Continue walking. You are not yet at your final destination ;)

Trying not to break
But i'm so tired of this deceit
Every time I try to make myself
Get back up on my feet
All I ever think about is this
All the tiring time between
And how
Trying to put my trust in you
Just takes so much out of me

-Linkin Park, From The Inside-


You were everything I wanted
You were everything a girl could be
Then you left me brokenhearted
Now you don't mean a thing to me
-----------
Thought that everything was perfect
Isn't that how it's supposed to be?
Thought you thought that I was worth it
Now I think a little differently

-Plain White T's, Hate (Really Don't Like You)-


You took a hammer to these walls,
Dragged the memories down the hall,
Packed your bags and walked away.
There was nothing I could say.
And when you slammed the front door shut,
A lot of others opened up,
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me.

-Daughtry, Over You-


I'm holding on your rope
Got me ten feet off the ground
And I'm hearing what you say
But I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down
But wait...
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around and say..

That it's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

-One Republic feat. Timbaland, Apologize-


Sudah usai sudah
Cerita engkau dan aku
Ku anggap sebagai bingkisan kalbu

-Kangen Band, Tentang Aku, Kau dan Dia-

The Breakup Songs : Chorus

Yes, be aware that these are only MY words, from MY point of view, and I am a MALE human. Perhaps, I'm in the wrong. Well..I don't give a damn anyway :p Girls, if you don't like what I'm about to say, skip this entry. But I think this piece is good for you. So you better read it. Huhu.

Some advices.

• Girls, be confident with yourself. You're great, always great. He's in love with you~ Don't give a damn about those prickly little voices in your head. You're wonderful to him. He sincerely loves you! Don't doubt yourself. But of course, if you love him as much, improve yourself bit by bit. No rush ;) Try not to degrade though :p

• Girls, sulking is good. Big sulk once in a while is great. But big sulk once a month? That's pretty tiring. Once a week...Err..are you a black widow? Or do you want to be a widow? You'll kill him!~

• Girls, I know you're in love. A love soo deep you can't even see the bottom. But you don't have to text him every minute and call him everyday. There's a possibility that he would pity you, and then he'd be the one calling you instead (T_T) Lagi haru kalau tiap-tiap hari dating~ If he's filthy rich, don't give a damn lah~ huhu.

• Girls, trust him (Unless...he's a playboy :p). Love is a subtle thing, it's a conscience. Trust that he loves you, even when he's far away, even when you're not in touch for a month. Have a little jealousy. But mind you, ONLY A LITTLE. Never lose your self-confidence. And guys, trust her as much.

• Girls, never interfere with his business. I mean, real business, money-related business. Unless if you're really good at it lah. Especially when you include emotions and feelings in his business. Do you think he's heartless? Shame on you.

• Girls, be the great woman behind the great man. Even better, be the great woman beside the great man. Yes, you are the other half of him. You're suppose to make him complete, so that he can be a better person, a great person. Take him to the top, not drag him down to the bottom of the sea~ Same goes to the guys, be the great man of your wonderful woman ;)

• Girls, never try to test him. Never try to test him in the name of love. He usually knows it when you're testing him. Sometimes, he plays according to your rule. You happy. But keep in mind that he can always deliberately turns the tables around. End result? You not happy, huhu. Right back at you. Padan muka nak test sangat~ But seriously, don't test your partner. Hina dan keji.

• Girls, never ever make him do something in the name of love. If it's only for jokes or simply for fun, that's ok. But if it's for something serious, that's very low~it's like you're selling your love, girl. Again, hina dan keji.

• Girls, you're not the only one with problems, sadness, headache, heartache or whatever. He has feelings too. He needs to lean on to you as well. He needs to rest on your shoulder once in a while, and cry in your chest if he has to, embraced by your soft arms. Well, not as often as you girls do :p Still, consider that, k.

• Girls, take good care of yourself. Take good care of yourself. Take good care of yourself. Take good care of yourself. Take good care of yourself. You're living in a big bad world. Please, take good care of yourself.

• And Girls, as Che'Nelle (was it her?) said in Hitz.fm, I didn't remember the exact thing she said, but it's about being happy with yourself. Don't be sad and expect your other half to come and make you happy. Be happy, and when he comes into your life, he will add more happiness into your life. Double happy (^_^)
  

What I said above doesn't work for a jerk. A stupid jerk simply deserves a kick in the balls. Leave him! You deserve a better guy! That's all I have for now. Girls, no grudge on me, k. Peace (^_^)v Oh, anybody wanna add some more? Be my guest!

The Breakup Songs : Chapter 2

We started as strangers on cyber space - MIRC. That was...end of '99 or early 2000. Oh, we had these rules - No pictures, no phone calls, no meetings. Even with those rules, we became bestfriends ever since. Then on the 5th of February 2006, she confessed her feelings. I've never ever seen a picture of her, never heard her voice, and never met her in person, yet I accepted her wholeheartedly. Couldn't help it, she said

'I love u, dammit!'

Haha. But really, I liked her attitude. After that, we were happy.

But then she started to feel inconfident, thinking that my existence by her side was too good to be true, and that I deserved a better girl. She even claimed that she was fat and had a very dark skin, a very ugly person she is. Her favorite phrase was 'go for another girl'. Well, as for me, I've made my decision, and my decision was firm. It doesn't matter how she looks like, I'm all for her. I always wondered why it is so hard for her to accept that fact. This phase, I had to go through it at least once a month~

She broke the 1st promise by looking at my pictures in this blog. Then she broke the 2nd promise too. We broke the 3rd one together by agreeing to meet each other. I went to her house during Hari Raya. That's the first time I saw her face. Looking at her for the first time, I asked myself, 'WHY? She's lovely, has a pretty face and a beautiful body, so why is she so inconfident being with me?'

Well, we had our fun, enjoying each other's company, went out together a few times. She was nothing but sweet, pretty, adorable and so on and on and on (you don't wanna hear more of these :p)

The unpleasant thing is, at least once a month she would find something to argue about with me. And in the end, 'Go for another girl~'. Lack trust and lack self-confidence - two main ingredients for a pitiful relationship. I had to rebuild that trust, again and again, everytime we argued. Believe me, it was damn tiring.

Male or female, guys or girls, men or women, we all need someone that we can lean on to. You know, a shoulder to cry on. No matter how strong a person is, he needs to lean on someone once in a while. She's always leaning on me, wallowing in self pity. So I hardly had my chance to cry on her shoulder instead.

All those tiring moments, added with several big incidents, and you have a breakup ;)

The breakup songs : Chapter 1

[Background song while I'm writing this: Dan Sebenarnya, by Yuna, but disumbangkan by Zack (my roomate)]

After the SHE series (refer to archive July and August 2007), I haven't really talk about my breakup, have I? Hmmm...more than a year has passed since the day she let me go. Nothing much, it's just that I've been thinking a bit, about how I've been doing throughout this one year. Wiser, yes. Better, too ;)

BEFORE

I wasn't an introvert, but more like a 'close' person. I don't socialize much with girls, except with the friends I'm very familiar with. Not because I couldn't, but it's because I wouldn't. My instinct told me to keep my distance from the other gender. Why? I didn't really know why. It just felt safer that way.

I wasn't a really bad muslim. A lil bad perhaps, with some bad deeds here and there. What can I say~ Average human with flaws. Huhu :p

As a person, putting aside my action and reaction towards girls, I think I'm a pretty nice dude. The guys who really knew me back then would say I'm a decently nice guy :p

DURING

I started to open myself up a bit. I dunno, it just felt safer with her attached to me. My heart was with her, so other girls couldn't do anything to it. Hence, I started to get to know my female colleagues. No other agenda, simply for the sake of friendship, catching up a couple of years that I had missed.

I think I was a better muslim. Well, I did a couple of big mistakes, in which I very very much regretted later. But in terms of faith, I wouldn't know for sure coz it's His judgment, but I think I was closer to Him than before. Even after she did what she did, I still reach out for her. I loved her for the sake of Allah. That's how I always thought about us, though in the end I was not appreciated. Did I not try hard enough...? I wondered.

As a person...I think I got nicer as well. Now it's ok to be kind to everyone, regardless of their genders. I even got myself a nice lil' sis.

AFTER

I'm still being open. I did consider going back to the me before, but I think I am wise enough to handle my relationship with anyone now. A little insecure though, because I've taken my heart back from her and keep it with me. It's a little wobbly in my care :p Nonetheless, I manage to keep it safe to this very day.

Yes, a much better muslim. I learnt from my mistakes. I have a stronger faith, I'd say. But I really have to work on the practical part. Dah lama tak puasa sunat ni. Selalu subuh ala elephant plak tu~ tsk tsk tsk~

Still a nice person....though many may disagree :p

I'm holding back a little. Gotta be careful with what I do. Since this blog is read by many, let's not venture much into this part ;)

A bicycle to remember

FUHH~ last week was hectic and tiring~ I did one helluva thing. Another great, crazy, stupid and pain-heals-chicks-dig-scars-glory-lasts-forever adventure! Hold your jaw tightly, don't let it drop in awe of disbelief. Ehem ehem, drum roll please.................

On the 10th of March 2008, I cycled from Kuala Terengganu to Kuantan! Huhuhu :p

Kenapa, tak percaya? I'm not sure why I did such a crazy thing. The best reason I could think of until now are, to test my limit, to make memory and lastly and the most logical reason is to bring my bicycle to IIUM. Eh, tak logic ke? Haha. I leave the judgement to you. Oki doki, allow me to share the chronological story of my insane journey. This time, in both English and Bahasa Melayu ;)

[Reminder: Italicized words are either conversation or my thoughts]

A month before, I got my old bicycle fixed. A purple Lerun Mountain Bike with 21 speed. Codename: Storm.It has no absorber, no suspension whatsoever. Just a plain mountain bike. My ma bought it for me when I was in form 1 - early 1997, for Ringgit Malaysia 330. I haven't ridden it since late 2001!

The night before D-day. Ma, Pi nok balik dengan beskal esok. She didn't believe me at first. Yeah, who in a healthy mind would? Huhu. Surprisingly, she's OK with it. We joked around about it, along with my brother and my lil sis. But deep down I knew I was serious.

Here's the route I took:

KUALA TERENGGANU --> Kuala Ibai --> Chendering -->

Rusila --> Rhu Rendang --> MARANG --> Merchang -->

Rantau Abang --> Kuala Abang --> DUNGUN --> Paka -->

Kertih --> Kijal --> KEMAMAN -->

Cherating --> Gebeng --> Semambu --> KUANTAN!!

*The names in capitals are districts/daerah

1^ST HALF: Journey in Broad Daylight

6.20am - Bangun, mandi, solat Subuh, put on my gears - a pair of LEE COOPER jeans, a long sleeve t-shirt with a glow-in-the-dark word on its chest and a cap I cilok from my KakLong :p

7.20am - Tapau bekal - char kuey a.k.a kayu keramat, a tupperware of fried rice and a bottle of mineral water. I put them in a knapsack I cilok from an old friend :p

8.00am - Bersalam-salaman dengan ibu, abang dan adik. Put on my ASADI slippers.

8.05am - Off for the adventure!! Eh, tayar macam tak cukup angin je~ So I went to the nearest gas station to inflate both tyres.

8.20am - Officially off for the great (+crazy+stupid) adventure!

Paling jauh aku pernah pergi pun sampai sebelum Chendering je. Aku berbasikal mengikut arus. Maknanya aku berbasikal di sebelah kiri jalan. The things that scared me the most on that day were buses, lorries, trucks etc., u know, the things that can really lenyek you into unidentifiable pieces, especially when crossing narrow bridges. Dah la jalan kat Rusila-Marang tgh dinaiktaraf, jalan tak elok. Scary~ huhu

9.10am - Right after Rhu Rendang, I suddenly heard something. Pssss...pssss...pssss....

No way, are you friggin' kidding me? Biar betul, ke pasir bergesel kat tayar? Several seconds later, the front tyre got all flat. Sah...Oh, just great~ Tapi nasib baik dah dekat pekan Marang! I looked around for someone with a reliable face, I found a pakcik. Asked him the nearest bicycle shop. He wasn't sure, but he said to go near the primary school. Dragging my bike, I walked with a little hope and faith. Took me about 15 mins to realize that there isn't any bicycle shop there! Hujan dah start turun secara rintik-rintik...Ampeh pakcik~ Aku bertanya lagi kepada 2-3 orang mat rempit yang tgh lepak kat depan sebuah cyber cafe. Kat Rhu Rendang sana~ Jauh tu~ Hujan ni~ I thanked them and walked on. 2-3 saat kemudian, hujan turun lebat. Haha. Aku pasrah je. Aku terus berjalan. Tapi alhamdulillah, 15 saat kemudian, hujan kembali rintik-rintik (^_^). Aku jumpa kedai motor, tanya abang kat situ, dia bagi direction. Yeay! jumpa kedai beskal!

10.20am - Teruskan perjalanan!

My butts started to feel a little sore. Haha. The seat wasn't very comfy. I had 2 short rests to replenish my energy. Nothing much, just char kuey and mineral water. At this time, I was aiming to reach Kuala Abang. There's a beautiful beach there, a nice place for me to have my lunch - fried rice! The weather was perfect. No bright sun, a lil cloudy. Just nice.

Darn~...I thought I would reach Kuala Abang in no time, but it was such a long journey through Merchang. You know, the feeling that u think u're just one step away from your destination, but the road suddenly seems endless. I bore with it and smiled anyway, and kept pedalling of course :) A little headache. Coz of the rain, perhaps.

1.15pm - Reach Kuala Abang, had my lunch, and a long rest (^_^)v

2.00pm - Teruskan perjalanan!

I intended to stop by at my KakLong's house in Dungun. I texted her, saying that I might reach her house a little past 3. But no reply :(

3.15pm - Reached Dungun. Still no reply from my sis. Went to her house, her car's not there. Still working, I guessed. What to do~ Teruskan perjalanan!

Stopped a couple of times for char kueys (yeah, i brought a lot). huhu. Oh, along the way from KT to Kuantan, I stopped many times at Petronas for 100 plus and Tropicana lime+vanilla, my favorite!

Rupa-rupanya kat tepi jalan ada banyak bangkai. Ada bangkai tikus, bangkai kucing, bangkai ular, bangkai biawak, bangkai kambing, bangkai lembu, bangkai manusia. Ok, that's a bit too much. Setakat bangkai biawak je yang benar. Selebihnya gurauan :p

5.00pm - Stopped by at a mosque. Solat zohor dan asar, jama' taakhir. Then, teruskan perjalanan! Wait, wait. I brought a kain pelekat. Considering my sore butts, I tied up my kain pelekat to the seat, for extra padding. Oh, I should have wore pampers, you know, for extra padding :p

6.00pm - Reached Kertih. Paka and Kertih are where all those oil and gas plants are located. I lepak at a bus stop, ate some char kuey, had a short rest.

I called my other sister, she lives in Kertih, working there as an engineer. She designs oil plants.

Pi kat kertih ni, KakN kat tempat kijo lagi ko? Nok singgoh ni. My family speaks in kelantan dialect.
Ho, mari la. Dok jauh doh. 10 minit jah dari situ. Jupo kat keda make lepah bala polih
10 minit tu kalu naik keto
Dahtu Pi naik gapo?
Beskal.
Huh? Gilo apo??

6.45pm - Arrived at the restaurant.

Had a chat with my sis and her friend, asking me about my journey. She thought I was kidding :p But then she thought I was crazy. Well, she's cool with it nonetheless. I ordered mee goreng and hot lime. Tengah-tengah makan tu, hujan turun dengan sangat lebat! Hoho, lucky me! (^_^)

7.30pm - Hujan dah reda. I followed my sis to her house, a 10-minute cycle from the restaurant.

Ahhhh~ bed!~ pillows!~ fan!~ Shower!~ Heaven!~

A few times my sis offered to send me to Kuantan with her Neo, Satria Neo. Dokse, nak bawak beskal. I answered her firmly. I assured her that I'll be fine.

Well, I've made it this far.
I've already cycled more than 100km.
Being here now, it wasn't that far from KT..
I'm already halfway there, to Kuantan
Just about another 100km to go..
It's already night..
Hmmm...
I want to make memory.
God, let me do this.
I want to do this.
Period.

Sempat buat bet dengan seorang budak kecik yang sangat bencikan aku. Walaupun dia rendah, tapi dia pandang rendah gak kat aku. Mungkin masa tu dia sedang berdiri di atas kerusi...huh? (Huhuhu! padan muka kalah bet! nyeh nyeh~ :p)

2^ND HALF: INTO THE NIGHT

9.00pm - Teruskan perjalanan! But I stopped by at a nearest market. Aku beli apa? Haha. Lampu suluh dan pita selofan. Nak buat apa?? Err...headlight untuk basikal aku :p Aku salotep lampu suluh tu kat alang body basikal. Puan-puan di rumah, sila pastikan suis lampu suluh tidak terbalut sekali ;)

9.20pm - Teruskan perjalanan! Untuk perjalanan malam, aku mengayuh melawan arus.

Baru je aku masuk jalan besar...Eh?...hujan? Haha. Hujan renyai-renyai. The kinda rain that I love. It's soothing. I kept pedalling (^_^) As always, I looked up towards the street lights, watching the rain fall, illuminated by the lights. They sorta sparkled.

Alamak, lampu suluhku basah~ I immediately stopped by the roadside under a jejantas, pull out a plastic bag outta my bagpack and wrapped it around the torchlight. There you go~ Ok, teruskan perjalanan! lalalalalaa~

Right after I got out of Pekan Kertih...Damn...gelap giler...Oh this'll be one helluva adventure...

It didn't rain for long, only about 10-15 minutes.

Usually there are some street lamps at junctions. I switched off my torchlight then. Power saving :p But I still have 2 spare batteries in my bag. Ada la juga aku berhenti rehat 2-3 kali di Petronas, makan Tropicana :p My own sweet moment (^_^)

Cycling in the dark like that, it's pretty damn scary. Cuak gak. Cuak giler~ :p Memang zikrullah selalu di bibir :) Selalu menanti-nanti sekiranya ada lembaga putih di bibir jalan, atau di sebalik pohon-pohon besar yang bergeseran sesama mereka kerana ditiup angin, yang di antaranya juga kedengaran bunyi ranting-ranting kecil jatuh ke bumi disambut dedaun kering yang basah.

Ketika ada kenderaan lalu, lega sekejap. Ada lampu. Ada manusia lain. Selepas itu kembali semula dalam kesamaran, hanya ditemani cahaya lampu suluh yang cahayanya tak seberapa.

Bimbang juga sekiranya ada 'si lembaga putih' yang menerpa keluar secara tiba-tiba ketika kenderaan memintas. Mungkinkah aku akan hilang kawalan, termelencong ke arah lori yang sedang menerpa pantas? That wouldn't be a pretty sight~ haha

Aku selalu ingatkan diri. Apa-apa sahaja yang Allah duga aku, adalah perkara yang aku mampu hadapi. La yukallifullahu nafsan illa wus'aha. Sekiranya Allah tunjukkan alam lain kepadaku, maka aku pasti sanggup melihatnya tanpa ragu-ragu. Nothing will ever happen without His permission. If He permits it, then I shall face my fate. If I die tonight, then die I am.

Namun begitu aku selamat (^_^)v

11.30pm - Selamat tiba di bandar Kemaman.

Agak sunyi. It took me a moment to realize that I was in Bandar Kemaman. Usually there are lots of cars and people, hustling and bustling in that small city. But I cycled happily anyway. Ye la, jalan besar, kereta takde, lampu banyak, terang (^_^)v

Other than my butts, the back of my neck hurt too. I've been holding onto the handle for more than 10 hours now~ The right side of my neck hurt more, perhaps the result of using the computer mouse too often. huhu. Baca manga banyak sangat~ Both legs were quite tired. My knees were pretty worn out. My left knee starting to hurt a bit. Pain heals...

12.10am - Reached Cherating. Stop by at a restaurant. Ordered a hot milo.

Tengah-tengah minum milo tu, hujan lebat! Hoho, lucky me! (^_^)v

12.30am - Hujan dah berhenti, teruskan perjalanan!

I didn't remember the road in Cherating being sooo dark and sooo looong~ Seingat aku ada banyak kedai-kedai makan! Huuu~ But I kept pedalling anyway. Lalalalalaaa~ Ada bahu jalan yang tidak rata, aku hampir hilang kawalan. Cuak~ terus check tayar. Nasib baik OK. Ada mat-mat motor passed by me and gave a friendly wave. Huhu, takut gak kalau diorang tetiba tahan aku untuk diperkotak-katikkan :p

It's a cold night, but my body kept producing heat. Somehow I felt a little warm.

1.45am - Since I won't be seeing any restaurant after this, I had another stop at Restoran Sri Baging 2 near the end of Cherating. Cun jugak... I mean, pekerja kat situ. Yang perempuan la, bukan yang ada ciri-ciri kepondanan sket tu. Huhu, ada seorang awww kerja kat situ :p But I didn't care much about them. Eat my megi goreng, drink my fresh orange and watch a boring malay drama. Rest. My neck, my left knee and my butts ached some more. About 60km more to go i guess.. Just great~ huhu :p

2.10am - Gotta finish what I've started, teruskan perjalanan!

Baru je beberapa minit, hujan turun renyai-renyai. The road forked into two at the time. There's an exit to the left, into a highway which would lead to KL. It has an exit to Kuantan in between. Another path is the road people would normally use to go to Kuantan.

Huh? Lampu suluh ni macam dah loose je. Ciss, pita pelekat hilang daya lekatan disebabkan air hujan (saja buat ayat skema). I stopped by the roadside to fix it. Wrapped it up all over again. Dekat exit tu ada banyak lampu, sangat terang. And the rain was falling beautifully at the moment. God I love the scene of myself at that time! (^_^) Aku fikir pemandu-pemandu kereta yang melepasiku mesti ingat budak gila mana ni bawak basikal pagi-pagi buta~ :p

2.25am - Teruskan perjalanan!

This is when the real thrill began!! The road of Gebeng. I didn't choose the highway coz it is waaayyy too dark and i was sure there'd be less than 10 cars would go through there at sooo early morning. If anything happened, I'd be pretty much...dead meat. But this another road? Not a good option either. Cars, lorries, trucks, with narrow roads at some places. Big trees with lots of eerily silent darkness most of the times. But I have to keep moving forward.

Bateri ada 1 bar je lagi. So I switched off my handphone. Not wearing a watch, I couldn't keep track of my time anymore. There's only one thing in my head - IIUM Kuantan. I cycled.

The road of Gebeng, and from Gebeng to Semambu. God~~ it was a damn scary road~ I'm not gonna cycle there at night ever again!

Bila kita dalam ketakutan, dalam kesusahan, Tuhan akan sentiasa di sisi. Kenapa? Kita yang cuba mendekatkan diri denganNya, atau Dia yang dengan sifat pengasih dan penyayangNya datang dekat kepada kita?
I could only cling to Him.

What scared me the most?

Aku berbasikal melawan arus, hanya dengan bantuan torchlight dan sedikit tulisan di baju yang glow in the dark. Can the passing trucks see me? Everytime they put on the high beams, it made me felt so tiny. Aku tawakal je, harap-harap tak ada yang tiba-tiba melencong ke bahu jalan, ke arahku.

Ada jalan-jalan yang sangat sempit, tiada bahu jalan yang bertar, sekadar rumput. Jambatan lagi la sempit, takde bahu jalan pun~ Ada juga jalan yang sempit, berliku-liku pulak lagi. Dah la gelap! Tiba-tiba ada lori datang lagi~ Thank God I was safe and sound.

In the dark, if I caught a glimpse of something moving on the ground...Huh?! Ular ke tu?!...Alhamdulillah, no living snakes along the way~ huhu

Along that eerily silent dark road, with big trees and bushes on both sides. The wind blows sometimes and you hear branches scratching against one another, twigs falling to the wet ground. The worst part is, you are all by yourself. No one else. No cars. No trucks. Just you, pedalling alone by yourself into the night.

Oh, but then again, God is always with you. That's how I made it (^_^)

Dekat Semambu, dan dari Semambu ke Kuantan, jalan dah sangat OK. Jalan baru. Bahu jalan pun luas bertar. Now the problem is my body. The back of my neck was already numb. The muscle strained too much that it went numb, that's my best guess. Urat kat lutut kiri macam dah nak putus je...Kaki kanan sangat lenguh...Dan bontotku...adehhh...

Pain heals...Pain heals...Chicks dig scars...Glory lasts forever...I didn't decide to do this so that I can give up now...Lutfi Lukman, you did not decide to do this so that you can give up now...

Besides, I have a bet to win ;)

And I kept pedalling with all my might. I was no longer scared of the dark, the trees, I didn't even bother if any 'lembaga putih' appeared. So be it. I ignored all the pain. Biar la lepas ni tempang sebulan pun. So be it. What time was it? I didn't give a damn. Everything in and about me only focused on reaching IIUM Kuantan.

Yang kelakarnya, ada sekali tu dah nampak lampu-lampu jalan yang banyak! (*_*) Ingatkan dah nak sampai. Lega sedikit. Kayuh punya kayuh, ceh, dia gelap balik~ Long way to go~ Teruskan perjalanan!

Nampak bangunan, ada lampu (*_*) Ingatkan UIA. Ceh, kilang apa ntah. Siap kena salak dengan anjing lagi. Terus pecut! Haha

There weren't much cars anymore at that time, only trucks passed by one after another, with a few minutes interval. They must have thought that they were seeing ghost cycling. Lepas ni ada cerita. Eh korang tau tak? Jalan baru tu berhantu! Ada hantu naik basikal!

The road seemed neverending. I kept pedalling. Ada juga jalan-jalan yang membukit sedikit. God, give me strength...I kept pedalling. Di sepanjang jalan baru tu, it's like my body moved because my mind told them to move, regardless of whether my muscles were able to keep up with the movement or not. I don't really get it too. At this time, I cycled faster than I was most of the times, and I cycled consistently too, like I didn't know how to stop. The only part of me that I could feel was my head. The rests just moved by themselves. Pain? What's that?

After 2 hours of non-stop cycling, I finally could see the true light I've been searching for all night...!

4.30am - IIUM Kuantan, on my left. Persimpangan Berlian (or was it Cengkih? Haha, lupa! :p) was only about 100 metres away.

Aku stop kejap. Switched on my hp, text my ma, my sis, zali and budak kecik yang obviously kalah bet padan muka. Then, Teruskan perjalanan!

4.40am - Right in front of IIUM Kuantan. Should I go in? Makan aiskrim pun best gak ni...Yosh! Pegi 7-Eleven baru buka sebelah Restoran Rahmat! Cycled a bit more lalalalalaaa~ (^_^)

Waahhhh...bestnya!~...Mula-mula makan aiskrim Tropicana lime+vanilla flavor. Oh, hujan turun renyai-renyai~ lovely! Dah habis tu, masuk balik, beli Nestle Bliss yoghurt drink tropical flavor. Msg2 dengan my ma sket. She was kinda proud, but at the same time told me not to do such a thing ever again. Haha. I didn't promise her :p Dah habis tu, masuk balik lagi sekali, eh, ada aiskrim Tropicana baru... Tropicana Plus, with a slice of real mango. Rm 1.80. Terus try. Perghhh...sedap giler~ Sooo mango-ishly tasted like mango!

5.30am - Head back to UIA. Jumpa Pojan yang tengah on the way nak gi amik Kak Siti (PA Biotech Dept) kat terminal. Stop kat sebelah aku, buka tingkap, pastu tanya, ni Lutfi ke?

It's almost 6.00am when I reached the main gate of UIA. Ingat nak lalu je, Pak Guard bertegur sapa plak~ huhu.

Student ke?
A'ah, student..
Dari mana?
Err...Kuala Terengganu..
Hah?? Bawak basikal??
Err..a'ah...
Kamu bawak basikal malam-malam?
Err...a'ah..
Tak gelap ke?
(Aku tunjuk lampu suluh yg kulekatkan di basikal)
Kuala Terengganu...isk, jauh tu! Kamu bertolak pukul berapa?
Lapan.
Lapan malam?
Tak, Lapan pagi, semalam.
Berapa jam tu?
Err..lebih kurang 20 jam..tapi banyak berhenti.
20 jam?? Biasa ke bawak basikal jauh camni?
Tak pernah. Ni first time. Saja cari pasal :p

Dan ntah apa lagi la yang Pak Guard tu tanya. Bagus la, concern! (^_^) Dah habis bab basikal, masuk pulak bab politik! Ye la, baru lepas pilihanraya kan.. Ada la 20 minit aku tercegat kat situ borak dengan dia. Hahaha~

WowW...one hell of an adventure, one hell of a journey, one hell of a memory. I was so out of my mind~ Haha! Stupid, Crazy, but Great!

Thank you my Ma, my Sisters, my Family, my Frens, and Zali. Oh, also budak kecik yang kalah bet padan muka~ huhu (^_^)v

Guys, make memories! (>_^)

C.H.A.N.G.E

Oh, it's that season again. General Election~ the season when people increase their efforts to criticize others, but speak only the good things about themselves. Both with 200% exaggeration :p Well, you can think of it that way and hate it. Or, if you have a ripe-enough brain, u may raise up your open hand and feel that the wind is blowing hard. Is it a wind of change?

Naturally, humans are the agents of change, we have the power to change. You smile, you make someone happy. You frown, you make someone sad. Simply said, someone or something may change because you change.

The questions in mind. Should I change? This is good enough, why would I wanna change anything? Am I not comfort enough? If I make changes, will it be better FOR ME?

For those who are in the 'comfort zone', 'C.H.A.N.G.E' is one big word. They have already settled down with what they have, with what they were told they have. It is enough. They don't know, and they don't want to know about any other options that they actually have. They based their beliefs on the images right in front of their eyes, and the sounds that goes through their eardrums. I-don't-mind-not-using-my-mind kinda attitude.

I didn't get myself to register for election. Yes, my fault, my mistake, my carelessness, my bad, i admit. Anyhow, I would like to share an opinion, an option. It's a little late for me because I failed to register, but somehow I really feel like I want to see a colossal change in Malaysian politics. I am a little late in realizing things around me. This is the least I can do for a change.

I'll try to be neutral, not gonna exaggerately criticize or praise any party. Just a normal student's point of view.

Things doesn't look good these few years. Crime rate increased, kids are missing, people don't feel safe or secure anymore. Prices of goods increased. Oil price increased, and I heard it will be higher after election. We succumb to Singapore in a couple of issues, pity us. And our so-called 'imam' who proposed Islam Hadhari got his hand wrapped around a a non-muhrim woman's waist. Cool ey? Should I follow his footsteps? He's my leader after all :p

Hmm...You know, when a sponge got too saturated, it can hardly absorb any more water. Have they reached their limit? Is it because they have been in reign for so long that they fail to see their flaws and fix them. Or perhaps, the damages have been done, and those damages are irreparable. Can we, can Malaysia, move on further at this rate?

I have seen years of reign by Barisan Nasional. Yes, they are good, especially during the time of the legendary Tun Dr. Mahathir (Perhaps, he has sins, but there are too many things about him that deserves my respect). But today a thought crossed my mind. How far can Malaysia actually go? Now, it feels like we are deteriorating, inside and outside.

Not to be bias, but I kinda admire how PAS manage to take care of Kelantan with limited resources. I wonder what they can do if given proper resources. In 80's and 90's, in the hands of Barisan Nasional, Terengganu received oil royalty worth 600 million per annum. But funny, it remains as one of the poorest states. When PAS took over in 1999, the royalty was ridiculously cancelled. PAS governed the state with limited resources. Nonetheless, they managed. Therefore, I would like to see what will happen to Malaysia in the hands of PAS. Can PAS take us further?

We are the agents of change. We have the power to change. Should we change? There are risks involved. Fear. Why are we so afraid to take risks and change? Should we take those risks? I'd say yes, unless you are already comfort enough and you are pretty sure you'd be at least as comfort as you are now in years to come. To me, it's not about PAS or BN or DAP or KeAdilan. I simply want one who can take us further, physically and spiritually. I want to be safe and secure, no matter when and where, even at the darkest corner of a road. I want more money, but I want to spend less on everyday needs! Dignity, I want it the most. And yes, I want to be a better muslim. I think Malaysia needs a new breath of life. Fresh Malaysia, reborn again, in good hands.

Pak lah said this is not the time to experiment things. Somehow, I cannot agree with him on that. Sometimes, if you want to be better, it is not enough to simply improvise or fix things. Another option? Change everything. Start anew.

Sigh...

I wish I could just throw away my handphone, so that nobody could reach me. But I just couldn't do so. Why? Because there are important people who need to be in touch with me~ darn.

It was very peaceful during my practical training at Institut Kepelbagaian Biologi (Biodiversity Institute), in Lanchang, Pahang. Coz we could hardly get any phone signal there.

But why don't I want anybody to reach me?

Well, some of them simply want to fill up their time and they think bugging me would be the most productive thing to do. Oh, I hate one-way communication. They are having fun, but I'm not.

Nevertheless, there are a few people that I actually enjoy texting with. And I could go on and on and on...

But the problem is, it'll get us closer to each other. The last thing I need now is to be concerned about another person, a girl especially. I wanna be carefree for now. God, please let me stay single for another year~

Stay away from me. Let me be by myself. Don't get yourself tangled up with me. Coz I have chosen not to break another heart, not to hurt another soul.

Pergi main jauh-jauh.

rock climbing

PAIN HEALS.
CHICKS DIG SCARS.
GLORY LASTS FOREVER!

Keanu Reeves said that in his movie, The Replacements. One of the coolest things I've ever heard! It seems befitting with my latest adventure (^_^) Hoho, last weekend I went ROCK CLIMBING at Batu Caves! The Adventure & Recreational Club (ARC) collaborated with Science Students Society (SCIENCESS) to organize this 2-days program. Being a normal student I am, I got time~ muahaha.

We arrived with the determination to conquer!!

Briefing by the 'Otai' Abg Man. He's been climbing rocks for more than 10 years!
He taught us about the history, the equipments used, the communication etc. The hows, the dos and the don'ts!
The basic knot we need to learn was called 'double figure of 8, follow through with stopper'. Long ey?

BBQ! lalalalalaaa~


Eyarghhhhh!! Let's do this!!
What we did (for beginners) was called 'top roping'. They already anchored the ropes at certain heights for us. Different 'roads' have different height of anchors. For top roping, 2 people involves at the same time. The person who climbs is called 'climber', and the one holding the other end of the rope on the ground is called 'belayer'. Mind you, you have to climb with your own strength and skills! The ropes are only for safety reason, so that if you got off balanced, slipped or whatever, you won't fall down to the ground and die wastefully :p This is a very safe sport. All the equipments were tested and certified~


Dedicated rock climbers :p

Everybody was looking up at the climbers~

Hoho, that's me conquering my first road!

Reached the anchor, Peace!

Resting~

Halfway on my 2nd Road, a lil tougher this time~ I got off balance once

Yeah! Reached the anchor! No mountain is too high~ hehe

Pain heals, chicks dig scars, glory lasts forever!
My 3rd road. A lot tougher than the previous two, damn tough for me - a beginner! Plus, having climbed two roads already, I was quite worn out even before I started climbing, my hands were a bit shaky. About 2-3 metres from the top, I got off balance 5-6 times, hanging only by the rope. I almost gave up. Zero energy. Cuts and scratches on my hands and feet. I saw a lil blood on the stone I stepped on. I recalled the Goo Goo Dolls' Iris - "Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive". If I had given up, I would be regretting it now for sure. It's just isn't me to end up that way. So I gathered every ounce of my God-knows-from-where last strength and force myself to the top! (*Remember, the top here means the anchor) Thank you my belayer, Don, for being patient and supportive! ;)

That's Don at the very left, followed by Abg Man, our instructor. The rests are unknown fellow climbers :p

The ROCK CLIMBERS.
We ROCK!!

After that, muscle pain all over my body for a couple of days!~ Cuts on my hands, arms and feet. helped a bit in adding more pain :p Every movement hurts. I could barely lift my arms. I even had a hard time scrubbing my body over shower :p But hey, remember what I said? Huhu. Glory lasts forever!~ (^_^)v

Lalalalalaaa~ good goody goody~

Has it been very long since the last update? Sorry, too hooked up with dotA. Oh, for the jahil ones, dotA is a game extended from the infamous Warcraft III, but this one is played on LAN. For the jahilier ones, LAN is Local Area Network :p

Oh, btw, good news! Somehow I got A for my final year project. HAHAHA. That's not a laugh of happiness. It's just funny, coz I submitted 4 days late. Oh, another good news! This one is far better than getting A for FYP :p I've moved to a new room and we have wireless broadband in my room! Lalalalalaaa~ Blogging from my room? You bet I am!! Heaven~ muahaha. I chat, I surf, and guez what, I did some personality quiz :p Here are some of the results! (Achtung! For entertainment only, do not believe~ especially the good ones ) Alternative medicine guru, can u believe that? hohoho

Personality Test

The Protector You live your life with integrity, originality, vision, and creativity. Independent and stubborn, you rarely stray from your vision - no matter what it is. You are an excellent listener, with almost infinite patience. You have complex, deep feelings, and you take great care to express them. In love, you truly see relationships as an opportunity to connect and grow. You enjoy relationships as long as they are improving and changing. You can't stand stagnation. At work, you stay motivated and happy... as long as you are working toward a dream you support. You would make a great photographer, alternative medicine guru, or teacher. How you see yourself: Hardworking, ethical, and helpful When other people don't get you, they see you as: Manipulative, weak, and unstable

What Your Handwriting Says About You

You are sometimes a very energetic person, but you are sometimes quite lethargic. You're moody, prone to ups and downs, and you don't have a lot of endurance. You range from very outgoing to very shy. You are a shapeshifter who is very versatile. You adapt well, and you look at things from many angles. You are balanced and grounded. You know how to get along well with others. You need a lot of space in your life, and it's easy for you to feel stifled. You avoid commitment and responsibility whenever you can. You are somewhat traditional, but you are also open to change. You listen to your head and your heart. You are a poor communicator. No one really knows exactly what you're getting at.

Your Personality is Very Rare (ENTP)

Your personality type is optimistic, curious, enthusiastic, and open. Only about 4% of all people have your personality, including 3% of all women and 5% of all men. You are Extroverted, Intuitive, Thinking, and Perceiving.

How Rare Is Your Personality?

I did another one entitled "What Kind Of Candy Are You?". But I'd rather not post the result here coz it sounds too good :p

I am student

I've submitted my thesis, 4 days after the due date yeyy! Yepyep, I'm the only one who submitted late. Funny, during that one week, I watched lots of movies, I read manga, went to KL, went on a field trip with the juniors, clean my room (haha), eat out a lot, and God knows what else I've been doing but my thesis! But in the end, I'm still satisfied with my finally submitted thesis (^_^)

Life has been different, I guess. I simply wanna enjoy life as a plain, normal, average student. Below average, sometimes :p Ever since the 2nd year of my student life, there were things on my shoulder, things in my mind, things in my hands. It got heavier in my 3rd year, and during my 4th year, God, it's heavy. Study for a science degree, having a not-so-understanding girlfriend, and at the same time being someone everyone are depending on, God, it's heavy.

People have high expectations from you. You have to know lotsa things, you have to talk a lot, you have to know everything, you have to care about everything, keep track of things. You have to squeeze your brain constantly, to think, think and keep thinking. You have to think for other people's sake, never yours. You have to finish your assignments as well, write your reports, and study for quizzes and exams, you cannot fail!

You have to know people, you have to keep people together, you have to solve other people's fights. You even have to wear a more-than-proper attire, people are looking at you, watching you. Lutfi, wear shoes! You have to set a good example.

You have to have time, even when there is none. Sacrifice a lil bit of these, and a lil bit of those, and a lil bit of these and those. You have a mother, living alone at home. And you were saying to yourself, shouldn't you be putting a smile on her face instead of everybody else's face? Dilemma, here and there and everywhere. You have a girlfriend, Oh, no, now you don't have her anymore. Perhaps, you were too busy back then? REGARDLESS OF EVERYTHING MENTIONED ABOVE, YOU HAVE TO SMILE SINCERELY.

But believe me, it was in my 4th year that I truly felt blessed. I had great nakama (it's japanese, it means comrades, companions) and I had wonderful friends. I still have them all! I got to know my juniors. I'm closer to my seniors. I had tonnes of joyous moments. I had great experiences. I grew up, more than I could imagine. My 4th year was heavy, yes, but no regret whatsoever, not a slight of regret.

Now, time has passed. I'm no longer attached to all those have-tos. The baton had been passed to someone far greater than I was. I have faith in him (^_^) Hence, I am rest assured and can really enjoy my normal 'student' life now (even though I'll be graduating a few weeks from now :p). It's just as great as last year, but whole lot lighter. No exams, no girlfriend and no one is expecting anything from me.

I'm not a student anymore. But it just feels sooo good to act like an average student. As light as a feather, I feel like floating whereever I go, and in whatever I do. I'm going home more often. I don't have to think as much about other people, for other people. I can act stupid, like a know-nothing brat. Not that many people know me now. And I'm not treated like a somebody anymore. I'm the same as everyone else yeyy! I wear what I feel like wearing. Hey, I wear jeans and t-shirt to functions, and wait for the free food after the programmes, like any other students! I don't have to give speeches! Lalalalalaaa~ No more dealing with VIPs or having to enjoy refreshments with them instead of with my friends! Most importantly, I HAVE MORE TIME FOR MYSELF! Huahaha~ carefree~ life is indeed great, and it's getting even better everyday! (^_^)V

undeserving

My thesis is less than 20% complete while most of my friends already submitted their drafts to respective supervisors. Who am I kidding? So help me God~ Err..but God doesn't help the people who's not putting any effort! I don't think I'm on his list-to-be-helped yet. Ok, then. God, please enlighten me a little so that I would put my best effort! Somehow I feel a lil better now(^_^) Chayo chayo lutfi!

Ok, putting my thesis issue aside, I'd like to talk about something else!

My sister once told me that she didn't deserve a brother like me. And I said to her How do you know if anybody deserves anything? How do you justify that? And how do you know I don't deserve a sister like you? We don't know all that, but I'm here, so accept and enjoy.

Yeah, I was the one saying that, but now I'm having the same problem. People are being nice to me lately. Too nice and kind that I felt undeserving. Zali suddenly bought me a BigMac a few days ago. Nyum2! An acquaintance bought me those nice karipap peramu that I really love. An old companion gave me a Hush Puppies shirt! Lovely! (^_^). A friend just gave me home made Tom Yam for dinner tonite, damn delicious I wanna cry~. Not to mention all those birthday presents I received previously from my closest friends. My sis has been giving me too many stuffs, I lost count :p

Is it karma or is it sorta like good things that happen before something bad takes place? Well, it couldn't be karma. Ask anyone (but my sis), they'd say I am everything, except kind. Someone has been telling me that I'm a pain in the ass, and that I'm also cruel and stingy. I agree :p Plus, at this moment, being kind would bring troubles. My wish needs me to be cruel :)

All in all, if it isn't karma...Then, something really bad may happen to me after this. I better be prepared (^_^)


P/s: if you wanna give a comment, make me look as bad as possible ;)

minit-minit terakhir

My final year project presentation went ok last Friday :) I was a bit (actually, very) sleepy that morning , though. I had to pull an all-nighter preparing the presentation slides. Yep, no sleep~ Now, now, don't mistakenly think that I'm a hardworking student. I just had to stay up all night coz I started preparing the slides just that Thursday morning. Haha, the funny thing is, I only managed to complete a single slide all day long.

When I have a personal academic thing to do like exams, presentations, quizzes and so on, I tend to be doing something else, unnecessary things, wasting my times etc. Such as?...chatting with friends, munching some snacks, 'lepak-lepak', 'jalan-jalan', reading manga, watch a movie, sorting files on my computer, looking at old pictures, listening to songs, anything. As long as my mind says 'i still have time~', the progress would be near 0%. Or it really is 0%...?

SO, I ended up really concentrating on doing my slides at midnight! Was it at 12am? No, no, choosing the slide design took me another hour, if not more, huhu. There were a couple of mistakes in the slides, but having it done in one night, I'm more than satisfied. The marks I got didn't matter (^_^)

Yes, I admit, I'm a lazy bum :p But somehow, i think the intense pressure just excites me. It's like all sorts of hormones (except estrogen :p) are pumping out at the time. It's like taking drugs, making me high or something :p And all the neurons in the brain are charging each other up. It's stimulating, I think my brain works better under pressure. I have better focus, better creative ideas.

*sigh* I couldn't even comprehend myself. Why can't I just do my works earlier like everyone else? Why do I like to procrastinate? Why do I like to waste my time, especially at critical times like that?! Always doing things at the very last minute. It's obviously insane~ Not to mention risky! I have to change somehow, or I may end up having a heart attack~ God forbid!

--------------------------------------------------------------------

On another occasion,

My ex-future wife (yes,that's how serious I was), I wished her birthday, though it's a bit late. I'd like us to continue as friends, but I don't think she's up for it. We agreed to be friends a couple of times before, and then we spoilt it again and again, arguing. The shattered pieces of trust can never be found again, I guess.

Wishlist 2008

Resolution seems too concrete. Not doing it would give me a guilty feeling. So, I consider them as wishes :) Another thing is, my head is all filled up with my final year project labworks, presentation and thesis writing. Therefore, I only manage to think of these for now~

1. I hope I can stay single and available
2. I wanna exercise more often.
3. I wanna have loads more fun!
4. I don't wanna miss the time for Subuh prayer anymore and I'll try not to sleep after subuh
5. By the end of 2008, I'll have at least RM5000 in my account.
6. I wanna buy a bicycle, or maybe I should just repair the old one :p
7. Try to recite al-Quran at least 2 pages daily.
8. I want to go to Merapoh and meet Iqah, Wanie and Kira. Oh, I miss them tenderly~
9. I want to visit my foster family at Sabak Bernam.
10. At least confirm my place at a foreign University.
11. I wanna read more books (novels not included~)
12. I wanna visit a foreign Asian country.
13. Ice skating, paintball, go-kart, white water rafting...what else??
14. Wanna buy something special for ma & my kak long (if i got my paycheck lah~). Hmm..what would it be...
15. I wanna master things at the lab, like everything is at my fingertip.
16. I wanna learn using adobe photoshop and flash and anything alike.
17. Should I buy a new handphone? Hmm...dunno yet~

Alone

Being alone isn't all that dreadful. I think I kinda enjoy the loneliness. It's quiet. I'm free, independent. I can do whatever I want, when I feel like doing it. It doesn't mean I don't enjoy being with my family and friends. I am absolutely happy spending time with them, feels good everytime they talk to me, relief for every smile they gave to me, glad for all the arguments we had. But there were times, and there will always be times, when they were not around, and there i was, left alone. I'm enjoying it nevertheless.

Usually when I saw people eating alone, I pity them, thinking that they have no family and friends. It didn't occur to me that he (or she) was having his peaceful moment, sipping his cup of coffee. I feel guilty for ever having those thoughts.

Alone in my room, alone at the cafe, alone in the car, alone in the lab. Eating alone, walking alone, driving alone, working alone, studying alone, sleeping alone, watching movies alone, having fun by myself. They are not all that bad. It could be as enjoyable as doing it with your friends. But you can't view or judge it from the same perspective. Ice cream and pudding. They are different, but both are yummy, aren't they?

To me, being alone isn't loneliness. Even when i'm all alone, I have em all in my heart, my family, my friends. So, basically I'm not really by myself, and I don't actually feel lonely at all. What exactly is it, then? My sister gave a nice phrase for it. It's called having my own sweet moments :)

For many reasons, I'm looking forward to do my masters degree abroad, preferably in europe. One of them is to have lots of my own sweet moments! Living independently, trying to view life from my own personal perspective. Taking care of myself, by my own two hands. Making decisions, and execute them by myself. Grab my keys and take a walk whenever I feel like it. I could just sit down in a cafe, sipping my cup of coffee, reading my newspaper, and care about nothing else but me and my coffee. My own sweet moments :)

Recently

Wah~ it's so good to be free! No longer being a public figure, I can do what I want, wear what I want, and care less about other things but myself!

I'm still struggling with my Final Year Project (FYP). But I don't hate being in the lab :)

I feel sleepy and tired earlier at night. But i'm still staying up late. Why oh why~

I dine out a lot recently and my money is depleting~ but I'm eating good food with good friends :)

I had a nice long breakfast with my sis :)

I applied for lab demonstrator, but that won't happen till I finish my FYP and pay up all my pending compounds~ stupid UIA~ (for giving stupid compounds)

I recently started gathering ideas for my dream house (^_^)

Me and Zali discovered an incredibly nice hot karipap in Kuantan (specifically at Peramu, go grab it guys!) And we love the satar at Peramu too~ nyum nyum~

I went 'jalan-jalan' to Pekan last weekend, the so-called 'Bandar Diraja'. Err, Royal City? Royal Town? Heck, I don't know. Anyway, listen to my advice, don't bother to go there~

My room and my desk are still as they have always been. Hmm...I won't say they're in a mess. Just a bit untidy :p

The room has 4 compartments and we have our own lamps. I always stay up late, most of the times till 2am. And Pojan (my roomate) is starting to get on my nerve by asking me to turn off MY light every night. For God's sake, go buy one of those eye patches or blindfold your damn eyes! I'm using MY computer and I need MY light! (sori pojan :p)

I always missed the time for Subuh prayer. Gotta find a way to fix that! An alarm clock? Huh, my handphone just doesn't cut it~ Gotta instil the determination to wake up every night before I sleep! Or should I just sleep earlier? (Oh it's so difficult to go to bed early~)

I've been listening a lot to Daughtry (Over You), Colbie Caillat (Bubbly), Plain White T's (Hey There Delilah), Letto (Sebelum Cahaya), Fool's Garden (Lemon Tree, acoustic version), Aqualung (Strange & Beautiful).

New manga i've read are MxO and Kekkaishi. Highly recommended!

Movies I've watched recently are Enchanted, Stardust, Stranger Than Fiction, Smokin' Aces, Because I said so, City of God, My Wife is 18 and Wicker Park (for the 2nd time).

When I go online, I would be browsing my blog, my friends' blogs. I'd be checking my Friendster account and also my e-mails. I have 3 e-mail accounts - gmail, yahoo mail and hotmail. Oh one more, I'll be reading One Piece on MSN group.

It rains everyday recently, and I'm loving it! But...i don't think my nose would agree with me. i have resdung (something close to sinusitis). So, I tend to get runny nose, or sometimes my nostrils just got blocked with God-knows-what and I couldn't breathe through em!

It's been pretty cold due to the rain. I'm wearing my beloved sweater almost everyday. Najihah gave it to me as my birthday present last year. It warms up my body, as well as my heart :)

Kak N (my elder sis) bought a Ball Phyton as her new pet! Not cheap. RM400 wooo~ She wanna buy one for me as my birthday present but I don't really have the commitment to take care of it. So I said no :p

My FYP supervisor is going to further his study (PhD) in UK, so we held a farewell BBQ party for him. Guess what we wrote on the cake... - "BOLEH BLAH!"

The farther I want to be, the closer I get. And resisting is one thing I'm not good at. Still, resisting and denying I am. I'm restraining myself from falling in love~ So help me God.

Birthday presents from my sister

I got another wristwatch from my Kak Long! I'm still trying to get used to having a watch. Err, two watches, actually :p I'm still asking my friends the time even though i'm wearing a watch. Silly lutfi~

Anyway, I got pretty unusual gifts this year. Things that I least expected. Least expected? No, no, no...I would have never expected anything as such, especially from my sister. Not Najihah, but another one, who I always adore as much.

Since she went to Germany for a week before that, I only wished that she would come back home safely. I wanted nothing more. Simply her, alive, safe, and happy. Yet, she gave me great gifts a week after, nothing anyone of you readers could ever think of.

First of all, she gave me a beautiful bouquet of fresh roses and daisies! Red and pink roses, orange daisies :p Yeah, it sounds weird coz I'm a guy, a straight guy~ Nevertheless, it was the very first time I ever got flowers as a personal gift. It was a new feeling, and the feeling was indeed beautiful (^_^)



The next day (or was it two days after?), I got a message from her:

You are cordially invited to spend two day and one night at Swiss-Garden Resort & Spa. Invite a friend. Free breakfast for two. Happy birthday, bro! (Well, i don't remember the exact, but it's something like that. ok. Oh, forgetful lutfi~)

My heart stopped a beat. She were never able to surprise me, but she suddenly surprised me twice in one week. Just what on earth did she learn in Germany, I wonder. In shock, I only replied,"What?!!" Haha, my mind just stopped working for a moment. Couldn't think of any good reply~ Maybe it's because the heart missed a beat, so the oxygen transfer to the brain got disrupted :p Darn, I should've asked her,"ARE YOU INSANE?!"

Hell yeah I was damn surprised! And she's totally out of her mind!! (My dear readers,if you agree with me, please raise up your hand). That was one expensive birthday present, dammit! Sorry, harsh words. Extremely happy and at the same time feeling undeserved :p I reminisced back into the past, since the day I vowed to be her brother, trying to figure out which part of me deserved such a present.

I never got any answer, but I knew that she was sincere. I accepted her sincerity and went there with a joyous heart, planning to make it the most memorable birthday present! For me, and for her as well ;) Oh btw, I invited Razali along :)

I went swimming in the pool. I even went to spa! huhu~ It was an amazing two-day vacation! Mainly because my friends and my sister came and enjoyed the moments along with me and zali :) It might have been a bit dull without them. We took lots and lots of pictures! Now, I shall let the pictures speak the words.

Me, my sis, and our friends.
The room was called Junior Suite and how much did it worth?
RM650 per night!
My sis got a special promotion though :p
But it's still expensive!

This is me at the lobby

This band will be performing life at Swiss-Garden tomorrow nite~

Hey, u like my pants? It's soo...err...beachy? huhu. Not bitchy ok~

That's the culprit! She's responsible for this! Haha :p Thanks, dear sis! You're wonderful!

Big breakfast! Worth RM40 for each person! Oh dim sum~

Razali and his spa fever~

Razali was savouring his moments.

What's with this face? Oh, spa!~

Don't tell me this is stupid. I know!

My dear sister (^.^)

One big happy family (^_^)

Two black widows...Careful guys~

Err...two little monkeys? (Huhu. No offence, ann.)

Lotsa fun! Yeyy!

Nostalgic

To the spa~


Samsara Spa

The last picture before we head back home

Thank you, my sister. You've painted lots of beautiful pictures in my memories. Here's to you, Ati. Love you lots!

- Your dorky brother.