Birthday presents from my sister

I got another wristwatch from my Kak Long! I'm still trying to get used to having a watch. Err, two watches, actually :p I'm still asking my friends the time even though i'm wearing a watch. Silly lutfi~

Anyway, I got pretty unusual gifts this year. Things that I least expected. Least expected? No, no, no...I would have never expected anything as such, especially from my sister. Not Najihah, but another one, who I always adore as much.

Since she went to Germany for a week before that, I only wished that she would come back home safely. I wanted nothing more. Simply her, alive, safe, and happy. Yet, she gave me great gifts a week after, nothing anyone of you readers could ever think of.

First of all, she gave me a beautiful bouquet of fresh roses and daisies! Red and pink roses, orange daisies :p Yeah, it sounds weird coz I'm a guy, a straight guy~ Nevertheless, it was the very first time I ever got flowers as a personal gift. It was a new feeling, and the feeling was indeed beautiful (^_^)



The next day (or was it two days after?), I got a message from her:

You are cordially invited to spend two day and one night at Swiss-Garden Resort & Spa. Invite a friend. Free breakfast for two. Happy birthday, bro! (Well, i don't remember the exact, but it's something like that. ok. Oh, forgetful lutfi~)

My heart stopped a beat. She were never able to surprise me, but she suddenly surprised me twice in one week. Just what on earth did she learn in Germany, I wonder. In shock, I only replied,"What?!!" Haha, my mind just stopped working for a moment. Couldn't think of any good reply~ Maybe it's because the heart missed a beat, so the oxygen transfer to the brain got disrupted :p Darn, I should've asked her,"ARE YOU INSANE?!"

Hell yeah I was damn surprised! And she's totally out of her mind!! (My dear readers,if you agree with me, please raise up your hand). That was one expensive birthday present, dammit! Sorry, harsh words. Extremely happy and at the same time feeling undeserved :p I reminisced back into the past, since the day I vowed to be her brother, trying to figure out which part of me deserved such a present.

I never got any answer, but I knew that she was sincere. I accepted her sincerity and went there with a joyous heart, planning to make it the most memorable birthday present! For me, and for her as well ;) Oh btw, I invited Razali along :)

I went swimming in the pool. I even went to spa! huhu~ It was an amazing two-day vacation! Mainly because my friends and my sister came and enjoyed the moments along with me and zali :) It might have been a bit dull without them. We took lots and lots of pictures! Now, I shall let the pictures speak the words.

Me, my sis, and our friends.
The room was called Junior Suite and how much did it worth?
RM650 per night!
My sis got a special promotion though :p
But it's still expensive!

This is me at the lobby

This band will be performing life at Swiss-Garden tomorrow nite~

Hey, u like my pants? It's soo...err...beachy? huhu. Not bitchy ok~

That's the culprit! She's responsible for this! Haha :p Thanks, dear sis! You're wonderful!

Big breakfast! Worth RM40 for each person! Oh dim sum~

Razali and his spa fever~

Razali was savouring his moments.

What's with this face? Oh, spa!~

Don't tell me this is stupid. I know!

My dear sister (^.^)

One big happy family (^_^)

Two black widows...Careful guys~

Err...two little monkeys? (Huhu. No offence, ann.)

Lotsa fun! Yeyy!

Nostalgic

To the spa~


Samsara Spa

The last picture before we head back home

Thank you, my sister. You've painted lots of beautiful pictures in my memories. Here's to you, Ati. Love you lots!

- Your dorky brother.

November 21st

My life changed a lot since last year. Having a special girlfriend (at that time) made me feel secured. I wasn't afraid anymore. I started to open myself up more and more. Having a high position in the Science Students' Society, that needed me to open myself up whole lot more. Having these two big things in my life, I couldn't contain my true self anymore. So here I am now, 'truly loved' by some, and 'truly loved and slightly hated at the same time' by most :p

22nd November 2007, 5.52pm. I suddenly got a call from a colleague, Kak Sofie.

"Lutfi, the car broke down. The engine won't start. We're at Taman Bandar. Help!"

Well, the call wasn't that short, I even called her back after that, but that's the gist of it :p So Fauzan and I tried to find a 'jumper', u know, a pair of cables used to start a car engine using the battery of another car. We managed to borrow it from a security guard. Haha. I was on the phone with my Kak Long when we reach there, so I just let Fauzan do the work. After I hung up and turned to them..."Happy Birthday!!!" Kak Sofie, Nurul, Ann, Arshana, Mun, Sitot, Isma, and of course, Fauzan. Err..my batch only have 3 guys including me :p I got a brand new watch, an innocent-looking champaigne-colored tie and the yummiest sweetest chocolates! lalalalalaa~ Thank you very very much!! Oh, don't forget that delicious cake! TQ!

Surprised, surprised. I honestly didn't know how to react. I did not sure which feeling should I be feeling. Happy? Touched? Overjoyed? Or perhaps, scared? I honestly did not sure. I was kinda numb for a while. It wasn't that unexpected, but I was dumbfounded nevertheless. I was happy and touched, but i think I was scared as well. Scared of what...? I had no idea.

My birthday is on the 21st of November. My sisters wished me. My mother wished me as well. My bestfriend called me from Germany. I truthfully didn't expect to be celebrated, wished, or even remembered on my birthday other than by my mother and my sisters. To be frank, I actually tried to avoid it. A week before my birthday, I changed my date of birth in my friendster account. I agreed to switch my simcard with my sister who was going to Germany for a week. Razali wished me in the morning of 21st. Luckily he was already on his way to KL, I told him not to tell anyone else. I went to the lab and did my work on my final year project (FYP) like every other day. I tried to talk normally with my friends at the lab, in my heart hoping that they wouldn't remember. I usually asked them the day's date, to label my samples. But that day and the day after, I avoided asking them. I avoided going out with them, thinking that the less they see me, the less chance they will remember my birthday. And they certainly fooled me, acting like it was just another ordinary frustrating day of doing FYP. Haha. I didn't know what was it that I was so afraid of, and why I thought and acted that way. After the day ended, it was a big relief. Thank God they didn't remember!

The 22nd was just like the day before. Only that my FYP co-supervisor called wishing me happy birthday. He asked me whether everyone else knew, and I immediately answered YES, NO NEED TO REMIND THEM. I thought I was already 'safe'. Well, that late afternoon, my friends proved me wrong.

I kept thinking what was it that I was so scared of, why I was afraid for them to remember my birthday. Yes, if they remembered my birthday, then I have to remember theirs, and I'm soo not good in remembering anything~ Yep, If they gave me any present, then I would have to give them something on their birthday too~ Or perhaps, I would pity them if their prank on me didn't work, oh that would be sad~

I finally found my answer. Surprisingly, none of the above really matters.

Funny, I was actually afraid to be loved. I was afraid to know that I am loved by the people around me. I was afraid to realize that I am loved by my friends THAT much. And what truly scared me the most was that I do not know whether I am loving them as much as they love me, and whether I have been treating them as nice as how they treat me. But now I know one thing for sure. They are family. And I absolutely love them as much as they love me, if not more. And each of them has a special place in my heart, always. Thank you Allah for leading me to them. Sofie, Arshana, Azhane, Munirah, Siti Fatimah, Isma, Nurul, and Fauzan, this piece is for u guys. Love y'all so much!

Death

For those who are a bit sensitive, or easily get scared, I warn you, don't read this. Especially Ann, Do not read.

Yes, it is sensitive to some people. Why do people avoid thinking about it? It may happen a hundred years later. It may happen tomorrow. It can even be this second right now while you are reading this line. What is it? It's death. Just so you know, death is inevitable. Oh, you already knew? :p Yepyep, sooner or later, we all gonna die. Now don't say that I'm telling you lies, coz that is one solid fact you can't deny.

Allah saved me so many times. My friends helped me a lot. Sometimes i thought it's weird for me to still be able to breathe this beautiful life. But most of the times, God knows how grateful I am. I have my loved ones, my family and my friends. I hold a few dearly in my heart, wishing that I could meet one of them again when I'm ready :)

When I was in primary school, I played a lot with a chinese friend of mine. One time, we went playing on a small hill. All the trees had been cleared up for construction. And there was this wall of rocks, or should I say, a cliff? (My vocab sucks, forgive me~) It was quite high, and I was just a little boy back then.

"Yun Ming, let's climb to the top!" I said to my friend. Speaking in chinese, of course.

Perhaps he's smarter than me, he refused :p So, I climbed it myself, confidently~ huhu. It was exciting!...at first lah~ after that...haha..just when I'm about to reach the top, I could not find any other rock that I could grab on. I couldn't go further up. I looked down...

Crap, was it this high before?! If I fall down, it's either dead or a few broken bones for sure.. Wait, where's Yun ming? He's not down there! Now where the hell did he go when I need him?! Oh, my mum's gonna be so pissed off if anything happen to me...Hmm...would she be sad if I die right here today? I might be in the newspaper tomorrow..."a boy fall down from a cliff while playing with his friend"...hmm...They might interview Yun Ming...and perhaps my mother too...I could imagine her crying...

I still couldn't move an inch. God, I was scared, I really was. The warm sweat started to feel cold. My palms was getting sweaty too. I couldn't hold much longer. God, please help me. Please help me, God. Then suddenly, I saw a hand! I looked up. Yun Ming! I've never been so glad to see him :p He grabbed my hand and pulled me up to safe. Haha, actually he took another totally 100% safe path to go up there, unlike stupid little lutfi.

Throughout nearly 23 years of my life, I had faced several dangerous situation. Hoho. The world is such a dangerous place. So many incidents with my bicycle. Motorcycle accident, once. Haha, that one was scary. A little faster then i might get drug under a truck. There were two incidents in which another inch might have caused me to go blind. Oh, the bus accident was a wonderful experience :) Just several weeks ago I was sooo close to get struck by lightning that I could hear the sound of electrical charges ripping the air at my right ear. A friend of mine walking on my left side already "jatuh terduduk", flabbergasted, shocked by what he just saw. Nevertheless, everytime I managed to get through those situations, it made me feel more alive. It made me remember Him. I like to do crazy stuffs too. I'm not afraid of a few cuts and bruises. But don't worry, I would never do anything reckless. Never ever. I do take risks, but nothing more than I can take ;)

I was lucky for countless times. Alhamdulillah. I do think about death sometimes, especially when I was in a life-threatening situation, and it actually made feel calm. Nauzubillah, I don't want anything bad that would end my beautiful life. But when my time really comes, be it 100 years later, be it tomorrow, be it now, I hope I can accept my fate. I hope I won't have any regret. I hope I won't regret on things that I haven't accomplished. What I hope the most is for my friends and families, for them to keep on living their beautiful lives. I hope they won't have any regrets or grudges on me. Like how they keep me in their hearts, let the unspoken words buried in their hearts too. Coz what done is done. what gone is gone. There'll be no turning back of time.

-Dying is the hardest part of living- Lutfi, November 5th, 2007

a layman's view on Islam : Akhlaq

Akhlaq in a layman's term would be moral conduct.

As far as I know, the Prophet (peace be upon him) was 'sent down' to improve our akhlaq. How?

With Islam :)

For a layman like me, it's very simple. Be good, be sincere, be kind, be very kind, be thoughtful, be generous, be tolerant, be modest, be patient, be clean, be acceptable, be responsible, be pleasant, be nice, be friendly, be lovable, respect others and so on so forth. Even a small ant need to be respected, as long as it doesn't disturb us. That to me, is what akhlaq is about.

You never missed your congregational solah, you even pray additional solah, you always wear robe, looking like a pious muslim, you fast in Ramadhan, you recite Quranic verses with beautiful voice, u performed Hajj (pilgrimage), BUT, you drive your car dangerously, you litter, you neglect your responsibilties, you torture a mosquito, you look down on others, you never smile, you act annoyingly, you act selfishly, you think only for your own good! Now where is the akhlaq nurtured through your ibadah?

This world wasn't made for you alone. There are other humans, there are other creatures. If you're only focusing on your direct ibadah towards Allah (solah, fasting, reciting Quran etc.), how islamic do you think you are when you ignore everything else, and everyone else around you are HATING you?

Ibadah supposed to nurture good akhlaq. But some muslims are too focus on ibadah that they forgot to be kind, give a smile to others or lend a helping hand. Being a pious muslim and a successful person, he/she looks down on laymen. And so i ask, where is the beautiful of Islam in the eyes of a layman? Seeing us like that, with a bad akhlaq, would the non-muslims be interested to embrace Islam?

Islam is moderate. Therefore, perform your ibadah, and at the same time, be good, be sincere, be kind, be very kind, be thoughtful, be generous, be tolerant, be modest, be patient, be clean, be acceptable, be responsible, be pleasant, be nice, be friendly, be lovable, respect others and so on so forth.

Be a wonderful muslim, for yourself, and to the people around you. (^_^)

a layman's view on Islam : Ibadah

Ibadah in a layman's term would be acts of worship towards Allah s.w.t. It can be divided into two, I don't know about the actual terms in english, but let me just call them 'special' and 'general'.

Special ibadah are the direct act of worships towards Allah and with proper guidelines on how to go about it. They are also obligatory. For example, solah (pray), fasting, performing hajj (pilgrimage) and paying zakah.

General ibadah are anything that we do, for good cause, through a good process, because of Allah s.w.t. With the right intention, sleeping could also be an ibadah :)

Some muslims felt burden with ibadah. It's true that as muslims, we have to perform solah 5 times a day and fasting in Ramadhan and so on. But it's not difficult at all. Ibadah in Islam is actually very simple! Most of the difficult things are in fact added by cultures, and by fanatic muslims, thinking that by adding this and that, adding new regulations will make ibadah better and Allah will love them more. Huh~

Nevertheless, it is wrong to do so. Hence, in order to know what is right, and what is wrong, it is best to refer to knowledgable muslims (ulama') who essentially refer to al-Quran and hadith, and have proofs (a.k.a 'dalil' - Quranic verses or hadith) for it. Performing ibadah simply based on traditions have to stop. We must seek for true knowledge!

I was born in a muslim family, and my parents were born in a muslim family. So were my grandparents. What I'm trying to say is, I was taught about Islam by traditions. Even at school, I was only taught about what ibadah must I do and they did give me the proofs. Then they taught me how to do it, the steps in doing those ibadah. But the thing is, they never gave me the proofs of doing those steps. Are those steps, the right steps, the same as what the prophet and his companions did 1400+ years ago? That is the main question!

For example, in Subuh (dawn) prayer, is 'qunut' recitation is compulsory? sunnah? Or is it another addition? Find your own answer :) Then, wiping your face after solah (after salam) is actually an addition. Another one, yes, we have to have the intention (niah/niat) of performing ibadah, but we don't really have to read it out word by word in ARABIC! The intention can simply be in our heart/mind and it can be in whatever language we are familiar with!

Another example is fasting. Fasting is not as difficult as it seems. We just have to restrain ourselves from eating, drinking, and having sexual intercourse (for married couples), only from dawn to dusk (Subuh till Maghrib). That's it. Going scuba diving, dripping eye-mo in your eyes, picking your nose etc. do not make your fasting void. Other thing that voids your fast is having a period (female only), and another one is....nifas (bleeding after giving birth. I dunno the exact word in english :p)

Why are we Malay muslims like to make things harder for the mualaf (people who newly embraces Islam)? Things are sooo easy, yet we make it difficult, and exclusive. Islam is for all, not just for Malays or Arabs. Cheongsam (a type of chinese attire) is not Islamic? Says who?!! How islamic is 'Baju Melayu'?!

Mentioned above are only a few examples. There are lots of other misinterpretations in ibadah and in Islam. The reason that makes ibadah difficult is ourselves. We never tried to seek for knowledge, we simply accepted what have been passed down to us by our traditions, by our ancestors. Therefore, seek for knowledge, true knowledge. BUT, DON'T GO ASTRAY!

Why don't we treat the non-muslims nicer? Why at some places the non-muslims aren't allowed to enter the mosque? How are they going to get closer to Islam? Are we looking down at them just because they're not muslims? Are we that high above them? For God's sake, we are humans and so are they. With all the misunderstandings, misconceptions and misinterpretations, not only the non-muslims will be driven away, even the young muslims may drift further from Islam.

A layman's view on Islam 2

People are afraid of Islam because it is known as a religion with lots of NOs, CANNOTs, DON'Ts and SHOULDN'Ts and so on. Actually, things are not that complicated lah~ Islam only prohibited bad things and the sources that will lead to bad things, such as alcohols, drugs, gamblings, adulteries etc. Think. How many problems and issues have we heard, that are caused by those things?

To me, Islam is the simplest yet the most concise religion. It's logical and rational, in line with scientific facts. It is complete and comprehensive in its simplicity :) Do good deeds and avoid bad actions, it's that simple. In fact, that's what we need to make this world a better place! Kan? Kan?

Even the muslims themselves are afraid of many things in Islam. But the truth is, they feel so because they do not understand how simple Islam is. Some are too attached with traditions rather than the true islamic practices. Tradition is one of the things that taints Islam. it's the tradition that adds up many NOs, CANNOTs, DON'Ts and SHOULDN'Ts and so on. So please, let's all refer back to al-Quran and as-sunnah. Seek for the true knowledge of Islam.

Allah will never burden us beyond our capacity. Everything we are asked to do are all within our capability, and they are all rational. In fact, He simplified things for us and provided us with the best solutions that will make our lives easier and better. Even the solah (prayer) can be combined and shortened during travelling ;) When you yourself think that something in Islam cannot be comprehended by your logical mind, please go and find out about it. Do not simply follow blindly. But be careful, some ulama' or pious-looking muslims are Islam by traditions. They'll only tell you what their father or grandfather told them previously, which might be tainted by traditions. Therefore, ask for proofs, ask for quranic verses, ask for hadith, ask for logical reasons, then recheck whether the proofs given are true and authentic (sahih).

In Islam, we are not blamed for our mistakes that are done unpurposely, for things that we forgot, and for the things that we are forced to do by other people. We are not blamed for the things that we do not know of. But of course, we must avoid ambiguous things. And if there are confusions on what's the right thing to do in an islamic situation, we are asked to choose the less burdening solution. We are asked to be moderate and balanced.

Someone told me before, religion is like driving a car. Islam is a good car, the best car. Then, there's also rules and regulations, traffic lights, guidelines when you're on the road. Like many other things, even soccer, Islam is tainted by fanatics, by hypocrites, by rabid 'blind' followers, and also by people who think that they are soooo above others. Hence, you really can't blame the car if the driver himself is a reckless moron!

So, drive your BMW 7 series or Jaguar XKR or whatever, follow the road signs, respect other drivers, smile to them, drive to your destination safely. May Allah bless us all (^_^)v

A layman's view on Islam

Don't be mistaken, i am not a member of any Christian church. I am a Muslim. My religion is Islam. And yes, I'm loving it. What I mean by 'layman' is that I am a Muslim with a below-average knowledge regarding Islam.

Regardless of my lack of knowledge, I am looking at something beautiful.

Perhaps, the term 'layman' is not suitable to represent myself, because 'layman' technically means average, and my knowledge on Islam is actually considered as below average. But i'm using it anyway. I'll be writing a few entries about my simple views on Islam, perhaps without any proof (dalil/nas/quranic verses/hadith) to back my words up, because I don't memorize many verses of al-Quran, I rarely read tafsir, I don't memorize many hadith, i don't study much on usul fiqh. That's why this is a layman's view. Nevertheless, please, do correct me if I am wrong, for I am but a learner.

I am learning every minute, every hour and every day. It feels like waiting, looking at a blooming bakawali flower. It's a type of flower that I have at my house. With green bud at early stage, budding out of a big, ugly green leaf, it slowly grows...yellowish...white...growing bit by bit within several days, and finally fully blooms at midnight. Fully blooms into a big white flower, with bright, pure-looking petals. Simply beautiful. That, is how I would describe my journey in discovering Islam.

Lutfi Yang bermata kecik dan merah

In the last entry, I mentioned about having messages for everyone. On second thought, I don't feel like writing about it. Ini bukan blog jiwang. You guys live and experience your life on your own, and decide later what's best for you and your very own self. As for me, I've already made my own decision for this borrowed-life that i'm living :)

Ok, back to the normal life~ I got conjunctivitis last friday. Am I spelling it right? Huhu, never bothered to search for it :p I'm not sure whether it is caused by bacteria or virus. Simply said, it's a disease that attack your eyes and makes it red, of course, with a little pain. Hoho yeah, sore and bloody red eyes. Makes you weep unstoppably. Hey,the women love to cry, why doesn't it attack only them? (no hard feeling, girls :p)

Lalalalalaa~ I went to see a doc at Terengganu. She told me to stay at home for a week, afraid that other students would be infected. But I came back to UIA the day after (lalalalalaa~). She gave me chloramphenicol eye-drop and erythromycines pills, an eye-mo and some 'gatal' pills (itch-relieving pills). Darn. I hate medicine. Even more, I hate the instructions of how and when I should be taking them. How many times per day. How many tablets each time. Before makan or after makan. Oh, I haven't makan yet so I can't swallow those pills. Then after makan, i forgot everything~

The eye-drop, i had to drip it in my eyes 4 times per day, 2-3 drops each. Being an organized person (haha), I just had to calculate this carefully :p After a deep thinking...Oh, I got it...I must divide 24 hours by 4 times! After a complicated calculation, yes I finally got the answer, it's 6-hour interval! Yeyy, I'm a genius! Hence I decided, every 12 O'clock and every 6 o'clock every day and night! But after 2 days, oh the heck with the intervals. Ikut suka hati je letak lalalalalalaaa~

A piece of advice, if your eyes got infected, don't rub em, just relax. Don't strain your eyes. And if you think by washing your eyes you could wash away the virus/bacteria, just imagine those virus/bacteria are laughing at you with their hands showing the 'L' sign. If you do all those things, all you'll get is more pain, and perhaps internal bleeding in your eyes. So for God's sake, just go see the doctors ASAP!

she : epilogue

Not too long ago, a friend said to me,"The first love is always the sweetest, true?"

Then he added,"But it usually doesn't work, does it?" Followed by a question,"Why?"

I thought for a second, then I answered,"First love usually blooms when we're still young. Perhaps we're not mature enough to recognize it, to handle it, to understand it."

*****************************************

I've metaphorically written about the journey of my first love. 5 episodes of it. Yes, of course, it's embarrassing. I have several reasons. And I don't mind being looked down, criticized, hated, laughed or whatever. After all, i am a mere human.

The first reason. Hoho. i won't restate the very main reason of me writing this blog. Nyeh nyeh :p If you want to know, you can read the very first entry of this blog. But I know you won't bother, so just forget about the first reason, k! ;)

Secondly, those episodes and this blog itself are for myself. I want myself to understand better of what i've been through. May it be a good reminder for myself. This blog, it is my life journal, it is my insight, it is part of my memories, it exists because i'm exist (with God's will of course).

Thirdly, I want her to understand how I really feel, and how I really felt about her. Since she never really listened to what i've been saying to her for one whole year and a month. I thought, perhaps, I could convey my feelings through writings, as a third person. But I guess she just hates me even more. Silly me. Haha. Silly me..

The fourth reason, is for my friends. It's always good to let them know, to let them know that i'm fine.

There is another reason, the fifth reason. I have messages for all of you - all the readers. But that would be in the next entry :p I'm so sleepy right now~~

she : episode 5

We walked and walked. A short walk, but it felt so long, and so lonely.

It was difficult. Her hands kept slipping from mine. Her repetitive questions of inconfidence kept on flowing out from her mouth. I told her this,"Grab my hand tight." But she never did. Oh God, what should I do?

Until one time,the 3rd of March 2007. We got really lost. At a turn even I do not know of. It wasn't even our path. There, she said to me,"Let go of my hand. Go for other girl."

And the trust i rebuilt out of the broken pieces, this time, shattered irreparably.

Tired. Drained. Exhausted. Simply, numb. I just couldn't feel her anymore. So I answered like I always did,"Yes, dear."

she : episode 4

Yes, she came back. She felt bad. I stayed calm. Took a deep breath. I remembered the 5th of February.

If you reach out
I will hold your hand
If you hold my hand
I will embrace you
If you embrace me
I will give you my all

I still love her. So i forgave. I build up my trust again, and gave it to her, once again. I held her hand and she walked beside me, trying to be like how we used to be. But she always tried to slow down her pace. Walking together, but somehow I just felt alone. And of course, those questions never ceased to stop. "Do you really wanna walk with me?" And as always, my answers never pleased her inquiries.

She : Episode 3

One year. More than a year actually. 5th of February 2006 till 3rd of March 2007. Yep, we've been walking together that long. It was great. But the journey was tough in the end. Cuts and cries. Hurtful. But she kept asking,"Do you really wanna walk with me?" and so on so forth. and I kept answering,"Yes, dear." and so on so forth.

I was always holding her hand. But somehow, she slipped away. Again and again. I began to wonder,"Am I the only one reaching out my hand? Why am I not feeling hers holding mine anymore?"

Then, i couldn't find her beside me. I looked around, eagerly, anxiously, with thousand kinds of feelings racing in. And there she was, far away, in the embrace of another person. My hand had never felt so empty, but yet so heavy.

Trust? Broken.

After 3 days, she came back to me. Crying.

She : Episode 2

5th of February 2006. Yes, she found the key, unlocked the door, guided me out. I was glad. I met a lot of people who i used to only see from afar, unreachable through the small window of my beautiful house. And so I trusted her, wholeheartedly.

We seemed enjoyed walking together, but she kept asking me,"Do u really want to walk with me? Why don't you walk with her? or her? or her? or her? or her? or her? They're much better than i am. Are you sure u wanna walk with me? Really? Go for other girl. They're much much better. You don't want to walk with me. Are you sure? You can go to other girl. I'm not good enough for you. Really. Go for other girl. Go for another girl. I know you don't want to walk with me. Go."......"Do your really wanna walk with me? Are you sure?"

And my answer was always,"Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes, dear. I want to walk with you. I am certain. Only you. Just you. I do not want other girl. You, you, you, you, you, you. No other but you. Just you."......"I really want to walk with you."

And we kept walking, hand in hand. She talked a lot, and i listened joyfully. I talked sometimes, but she never really listened.

She stumbled, and i held her hand, helped her up. When i was down on my knees, she held my hand and got me back on my feet.But the questions never ceased to popped out from her mouth. And I too never stopped giving the same answers...

She : Episode 1

I had a few rough days since the 3rd of March, emotionally. Once in a while. my 'old acquaintance' would sent me looong messages, asking whys and explaining whats. Although the request to let go was her own. Was it my fault to agree? *sigh*

3rd of March 2007. I thought we're done. But even till now, it was never over....how should i put it..hmm, it's like continual rain. I really like rain, but not this kinda rain for sure. It comes, goes, comes again, goes away again. Toying with you, makes you miserable, in a sad way.

Reading

I went home last weekend. It's always good to be home. At home, I'm just a son and a brother. Simply those 2 tasks. The most natural tasks in the world, even without a father :)

I discovered something about myself last weekend, at home. I always said to myself that I can't read books and I don't like to read them. Then and there, I came across 'I'm A Muslim', a book written by an NST journalist named Dina Zaman. I was at page 100+, more than half of the book, when i noticed that 3 hours had passed.

"Hmm, I actually enjoy reading...Ohoo, now I get it, it's not that I don't like reading, I've read some great books - Rich Dad Poor Dad, Rich Dad Poor Dad for Teenagers, Copycat in Me, Millionaires in Me, I even bought 'Guide to Investing' worth RM68. Not to mention all those biotechnology textbooks, and a few motivational books (eh ade ke?..tak ingat pun, tapi ada kut) - The thing is, I only don't like to read novels!"

I know it sounds stupid, living for almost 23 years and you don't know that much about yourself. Yeah, laughable indeed.

It's really hard for me to finish a novel, especially the ones with piles of jargons and loads of imagining to do. Oh that really jumbles up all my brain cells. Arghh...headache, at one point of imagining, I'd be lost. Don't know who's who and what's what anymore. Eh, who's the hero here? Eh, who just got killed? Eh, ni watak mana plak ni? Eh, why's there a moon at broad daylight? Oh I always have hard times imagining the things the author are trying to say through his writings. And at the same time facing a short sentence with 10 words i've never even heard before in my life, so help me God. (yeah2, don't you dare say things like you need to put up an effort first before asking help from God). And I hate thinking that what i imagine is hell different than what the author is trying to say. Oh, I love manga.. The drawings help a lot! Arghhhh...kenapa kat comp lab dah takleh download!!!!

Oh, about the book, Will write about it some other time ;) Overall, it's an honest piece. I like it. Tapi tak habis baca lagi, coz my sis suddenly took it with her trip to Perlis. Just a few subchapters left. Hopefully I can get my hands on it this weekend!

The One I Want : Prologue

I've spent the last two nights listing down the criteria of the woman that I want as my wife. And I got 100! Amazing, huh? Muahaha. Saja suka-suka. I'm not yet at that stage of finding a soulmate lah :p The trust has been completely shattered and love won't be around for quite a while. It's too troublesome. I'm already worn out from the first one. Tired, and numb. Plus, I still have lots and lotsa thing to do in my 'bujang' life. Nevertheless, the list will be a good reminder for me later :)

But i'm not gonna post up the list now, so you can save your laughter later :p I'll post it up after I graduate. That's if I remember lah~ Haha.

If you read my very 1st entry, i am blogging for her. Therefore I want her to know :)

A Toothy Problem?

Setahun dua ni rasanya kurang nikmat makan. Memanglah saya dah makan bermacam-macam jenis makanan. Makan pada kadar yang melampau banyak plak tu :p Nukilan kali ini bukanlah dengan niat untuk kufur nikmat. Nauzubillah. Astaghfirullah. Alhamdulillah, saya sedar hidup saya ini dilimpahi dengan rahmat dan nikmat yang tidak terhitung :)

So the thing is, I have problem with my teeth. Mmg la, kecik2 dulu suka makan macam2, tapi malas berus gigi. muahaha. But that's not the main issue. Problem now, I can't fully utilize my fangs. Hoho, gigi taring :p Dua-dua gigi taring tumbuh ke depan sikit sebab gigi taring susu dulu dah rosak lambat cabut. Maka terpaksa la dia cari ruang lain untuk tumbuh. I've thought of wearing braces, but it'll be very costly. At least Rm2000! Tunggu kerja esok2 la. Huh, itu satu. Ada satu lagi.

Masalah yang terutama bermula sejak tumbuhnya geraham kecil atau nama lainnya geraham bongsu. Alaaa, yang kat paling hujung paling dalam tu. Biasanya tumbuh dalm lingkungan umur 20-an, saya diberitahu.

Tak tahu la semua keempat-empat geraham kecik ni dah tumbuh ke belum, tapi yang memberi masalah ialah geraham bongsu yang sebelah kanan bawah. Tumbuh pada 'angle' yang salah. Sepatutnya tumbuh menegak kan? tapi yang ini tumbuh ke hadapan. Bukan sahaja menolak gigi di hadapannya dan menyebabkan sakit, malah secara tidak langsung, menghasilkan ruang dengan gigi yang di hadapannya lalu memudahkan pengumpulan bakteria. No cure but to remove it totally through minor surgery. But it'll cost me Rm300+. Again, tunggu kerja lah~

Nevertheless, i can still eat, chew and savour any kind of delicacies wholeheartedly. Ada sapa2 nak belanja makan? sila2 (^_^)

I'll make sure that my kids will have the best dental care!! ;)

Candak Sutong

Saya pergi mencandat sotong 2 hari lepas. Itu kali ke-4 saya ke laut mencandat sotong. Kami bertolak pukul 6.30. Sewa bot, RM500, complete dgn jaket keselamatan dan alat2 mencandat. Kali ni ombak sangat kuat, tak macam yang sebelum2 ni, air tenang je. Saya pulak nak try TAK makan ubat mabuk laut kali ni. Haha. Akibatnya, muntah 2 kali. Tapi dapat jugak la sotong 2-3 ekor. Yang sedihnya, brader bot tu cakap, lepas muntah baik baring dulu. Saya pun baring la, tido kejap. Ingat kul 12 camtu nak bangun mula mencandat semula. Tapi bangun2, enjin bot dah start dah, masa tu kul 12 lebih. Rupa-rupanya kitorang terpaksa balik awal sebab nampak macam nak ribut. Brader bot tu pun dah cuak dah. Hmm, biasanya lepas subuh baru bertolak balik. Kalau tak mesti dapat berpuluh kilo sotong. Tapi kitorang dapat la jugak dekat 5 kilo sotong. Keesokannya, kitorang bakar! wahaha. best2 nyum2!! Cicah cili sos!

Here's some tips for those interested in squid fishing:

1. Musim mencandat biasanya around march-september. Tapi sebaik-baiknya ialah dlm bulan april - jun.
2. Sebaik-baiknya pergi sewaktu bulan cerah. Sotong suka cahaya.
3. Untuk yang rasa dia akan mabuk laut, bolehlah beli ubat mabuk laut di mana2 farmasi. Makan 1-2 jam SEBELUM naik bot. Jangan beli ubat mabuk darat plak tau! Check betul2.
4. Ada juga yg cakap untuk elakkan mabuk, minum air bikarbonat byk2 sebelum naik bot, utk buang angin dlm perut. (tapi tak tau la berkesan ke tak)
5. Elakkan makan selepas zohor, nanti lebih cenderung untuk muntah. Have ur lunch during lunch hour, k.
6. Mencandat sangat mudah, tak perlu umpan hidup pun. Budak kecik pun boleh buat. Tapi kena faham konsep. Candat tu luminescent, dengan kata lain, glow in the dark. Sebab sotong suka cahaya. So, setiap kali sebelum buang candat tu ke laut, pastikan ianya sudah mendapat cahaya mencukupi. Setiap bot candat dilengkapi dengan lampu spotlight, sangat terang, jgn bimbang. Atau sekiranya anda rasa ianya tidak mencukupi, bolehlah bawa torchlight sendiri. hoho.
7. Akhir sekali, ingat, mencari rezeki di laut bukanlah mudah. Sebenarnya bergantung kepada rezeki masing2 juga. Ada yg dapat byk, ada yg dpt sikit. Berdoalah moga dimurahkan rezeki. Jangan malu bertanya juga ya.

Selamat mencandat!

I Will Try To Learn

Again, 3.35 am, and yeah, i should be in bed :p Just finished watching Bridge to Terabithia, and before that, The Guardian.Both were great. At least I enjoyed myself. Learnt a few things as well. This time, I learnt that i'm not that strong.

When you think of it, you can always learn something, in every second of your life, if you want to. What you see, hear, smell, touch, taste and feel...They all race inside you, in the nerves, to your brain, in your veins, to your intangible heart. Will you learn something from it, or will you just let that split-second opportunity vanish into thin air..?

I chose to learn. I'll always choose to learn, and grab the opportunity that comes along with it.

(btw, got a new template! Still need to alter and improve on a lotta things. hoho)

Nocturnal Lutfi

I really need to fix my biologiocal clock. It's totally broken. I am so becoming nocturnal - staying up at night and sleep during the day. I don't remember when this habit started. I just can't get myself in bed at night, at least not till 3am. Sometimes the sandman comes after dawn, and i'd be sleeping til afternoon. Do u know what time is it now? It's 5.03 am for crying out loud! and I just finished watching a movie :p

(For the sake of blaming someone :p) Maybe it's the computer's fault. It helps me to stay awake - movies,games,songs,manga,anime,series. Perhaps, it's my frens visiting me at night, using my computer. Or, it's bcoz of my cellphone, people can contact me anytime, even at 2am :)

Nah, i believe.. the fault is my own. Maybe i love the night more than daylight. It's colder, quiet. Just me n myself. Or perhaps i stayed up a lot during the last semesters and it has become part of me.

Nevertheless, i'll be in trouble if i don't fix this fast. New semester will begin in a month or so. Siang cari rezeki, malam untuk rehat. I have to work hard on my fyp, so i better start early in the morning. Dealing for programs, the office won't be opened at night. My classes won't be at 3am in the morning too :p You see, everything needs me to be alive in the morning! Oh somebody cure me~~

Luppi Is Under Exciting Pressure

Selalu, bila tak online, banyak mende dlm kepala. Tp bila dah online, terus lenyap semua. Tak tau nak tulis apa, tapi dh lama tak update blog, kena tulis something gak.

I'm starting to feel the pressure of the next semester, which will start about 1 month from now. The pressure comes from my FYP (final year project) and from my task as a president. Few big programs - Annual Grand Dinner, Grad Nite, Convest, launching of Kulliyyah of Science, Trip to Beijing. Arghh...headache :p Worried, but nevertheless, excited. I bet things will be fun and things will turn out fine, as always. I have a wonderful family in Science Students Society.

I'm working on my FYP now. I've ordered the kits n chemicals!! (yesterday :p) I already went sampling for my sea cucumber last month at Langkawi. In short, my samples were contaminated. Sadly to say, I have to go to Langkawi again!! muahaha. Oh, i'm sorry, it's actually a happy thing :p Jgn jeles. And then, my supervisor said we'll go sampling to Pangkor island too. Double happy!

Lutfi Needs A Wind Of Change

Lengai?...hmm...kdg2 betul gak. Not in the way that i have no feelings. It's just that i'm too rational. You can't force emotions into my soul. I feel it when i feel it. And i do cry once in a blue moon :) And i'm too relax sometimes. Sometimes? haha. Most of the times :p

Rational+relax = last minute work! I hate my last-minute-work disease. Suka bertangguh. Yeah it's a virus. Why am i keep procrastinating? I regret em all the time but still keep doing em i am. Are they mistakes or are they not? If they are mistakes then why am i not learning from my mistakes? It's crazy to know that i'd always settle all the problems in the end. That, sometimes terrifies me. Maybe i keep doing it coz i always able to save my ass no matter what - without cheating! ( a little maybe :p) Fikir-fikir balik, it's crazy. Terrifying. Gilos. How the hell did i get thru them! Somebody help me.. and oh, i've read once in a magazine that people who like to procrastinate will be prone to heart-attack. Maybe it's true. Somebody help me... T_T

Suka bertangguh = malas --> I think this is the name of the virus. A nicer way to put it is... i prefer to do something else first? muahaha. I haven't even ordered my kits, chemicals n stuffs for my final year project. Other students already done that 2 months ago! What am i doing most of the time? downloading and reading manga! Stupid lutfi! just fill in the damn form n go order those damn kits n chemicals! Setitik peluh pun tak luak lah! Bukannya susah pun!

.....................................................................................................................................................................

But hey, i'm procrastinating, remember? lalalalalaaa...baca manga lagi~~ (^_^)

Lutfi is BACK!

Aren't u amazed by me? last update was on 4th February! Hmm..well, still 2007...on second thought...not amazing enuff :p Maybe i should try to update once a year. Will I be considered amazing then? haha.

Template baru! Macam kanak-kanak riang sket :p huhu. There are times when u just want to go back being a child. Everyone has their 'inner child', i believe. Nevertheless, this template is just temporary. Sebenarnya dah bosan tengok template lama. Nak tukar, tapi tak jumpa yang best. Yang ni agak best, maka guna yang ni dulu ;)

Toooo many things happened within these 2-3 months. There are times when i was happy, excite, jovial. There are times when i was so damn tired, sad, "mental-block". I tried to live like a normal person anyway. It was tough, but it wasn't as difficult as i thought it would be. I could still smile and live my life. "Don't worry too much about the start and the end, just enjoy the process!" - quoted from myself :p

Despite the stab i got in the heart, despite the shot i got in the head, despite the shock waves racing thru my veins, i lived my life to the fullest. I hang out with my frens and family, I handled my society, I played dotA all the time thru LAN, I finished my reports n assignments, studied for my exam, I went to cherating with my frens, I even went to Kenyir and stayed on a boathouse! I smiled, and i laughed, despite all the pain. Despite all the pain.

Lutfi Is Living A Life

Things are getting out of hands. hoho. One by one, the situation is killing me. Nah, don't worry, i won't die just yet. Well guys, if u wanna spice up ur life a lil' bit, try to live my life :)

Academic, societal responsibilities, relationships, each one of 'em brings along a different kind of pressure. Sometimes, all of em resemble 3 angels, comforting, exciting. But at times, they can be like three sharp swords piercing through your heart, all at the same time. But i love 'em all :D And I work best under pressure ;)

A friend once asked me, if God exists, why do we have problems, difficulties, handicaps etc. ? Why can't everything be perfect? My answer would be, if everything is perfect, then living a life would be meaningless. It's like everything is computed into u and u just live a life like a robot. You don't even need such a large brain, a microchip will do just fine.

The life we have now is uncertain. Full of unexpected things. U are happy at one time and all of a sudden u cry out of sadness, then u're happy again in no time. Today u live, tomorrow u die. See what i mean? the uncertainties?

U have a heart, the heart that beats. But u know u have another 'heart', the one u can't see, the receptor for the intangibles. A perfect life do not need two hearts. Subhanallah. Alhamdulillah. Allahuakbar. He knows what's best for us. We 'take gud care' of Him, He'll take gud care of us. Have faith. (Arkkk! dah lama tak ke surau!)

"LA YUKALLIFULLAHU NAFSAN ILLA WUS'AHA"

Bahasa Dalam Lutfi

Kali ini aku ingin berbahasa Ibunda. Iya. Melayu. Kadangkala aku lebih suka berbahasa Melayu memikirkan perkara-perkara hidupku. Aku erti pelbagai bahasa. Yang paling lembut bagi lidahku semestinya Melayu. Fasih pula dengan loghat Terengganu asal tempatku, dan juga Kelantan asal orang tuaku. Dididik sejak kecil untuk berbahasa penjajah, inggerisku boleh dikatakan baik. Bersekolah cina pula enam tahun, hasilnya tidaklah mengecewakan. Selepas itu bersekolah agama, lughah arabiyah juga ada di dadaku.

Bukanlah bahasa tujuanku menulis. Ini bukan blog pendidikan. Catatan kali ini, cuma ingin menyatakan penat. Luahan rasa setelah lama kamar ini bersawang tanpa tamu. Manakan tamu ingin bertandang kiranya rumah tidak bertuan? Lama-lama ada jembalang :p

Lebih 4 bulan blog ini kosong. Aku banyak kerja. Mungkin juga, aku banyakkan kerja? Haha. Sinis sedikit.

Banyak perkara yang berlaku dalam tempoh ini. Susah. Susah kiranya nekad diri untuk menjadi anak yang baik, adik yang baik, abang yang baik, kawan yang baik, pemimpin yang baik, pengikut yang baik, kekasih yang baik dan sudah tentu, muslim yang baik. Banyak hati perlu dijaga. Penat. Separuh hidupku menjaga hati orang. Hati sendiri tidak terjaga :p Moga Allah sayang aku.

Bukanlah maksud hati ini tidak suka. Aku suka apa yang aku lakukan. Sangat suka. Bahkan seronok. Bagi aku, hidup manusia tidak bermakna kiranya hidup semata untuk diri sendiri. Lebih-lebih lagi buat orang-orang yang aku sayang, terasa roh dan jasad ini boleh dipotong dan dibahagi-bahagikan, tidak mengapa, mereka bahagia :) Soalnya, berapa banyakkah aku yang boleh dibahagikan? Sedang aku menulis ini pun, wajah-wajah yang aku sayang makin bertambah, adakah lagi diriku untuk dibahagikan? Ada pula yang mahukan lebih. Aku rasa bersalah. Aku sayang mereka semua. Yang aku ada hanyalah sekeping hati, satu jasad, satu roh.

Ingin baring di pantai putih. Ingin baring di rumput lembut. Ingin baring di pokok rendang. Ingin baring di bawah hujan. Tanpa satu pun kerisauan. Masa untuk hati aku sendiri. Masa untuk diri aku sendiri. Masa untuk jiwa aku semata. Haha. Mungkin anganku tidak akan berjawab.

A Scandal in Lutfi's Life : Lengai?

This is...another secret in my life. Some may have realized this, but nobody really knows the story, the reason behind it. No one knows, and yet, i'm revealing it here.

To anyone who knows me long enough to feel hurt, angry or simply annoyed with my attitude, I am sincerely asking for apologies, for the years of acting, for my hesitation to grab your friendship, for not being a good friend, and especially for not being myself.

The so-called 'lengai' Lutfi...haha...hmm...laughable, but also sad...

I didn't remember when it began. Since secondary school perhaps.

I locked myself and throw away the key.

It began when I had a slight idea of what love was. It was an instinct, but somehow turned into something I held on for a very long time.

My instinct said: love is troublesome, so Lutfi, stay away from it. Do not go anywhere near it. In other words, girls are troublesome, so Lutfi, stay away from them. Do not be too close to them. Always said that to myself.

Remember the song 'Siapalah Aku' by Amy Mastura? It was some sort of like the chorus of that song. "Biarlah, usahlah bermain dengan api, kelaknya terbakar sendiri..." I do love to play with fire, but not this 'fire'.

As a result, I limited my movements as well as my feelings.

I can actually be very good with people. The guys would know this. The girls, only some. Perhaps. Coz i don't limit myself in cyber space, as I don't think things would go far in cyber space. (haha, i was wrong, so wrong that i can even hear the wrong-buzzer! and u can see the word 'WRONG!' stamped red on my forehead :p)

I had tried to stay as low as possible, not wanting to be noticed. Heck, it didn't work very well. I couldn't figure out why. I've been appointed as this and that ever since high school. The problem is, I couldn't reject if I was given the trust. Luckily I failed the prefect interview. Really glad I failed (^_^)v

With guys, i am myself. With girls, I purposedly put on my costume. A cold-heartless-no-feeling-paying-no-heed-to-anything Martian costume. That's why some girls labeled me as 'lengai' (i dunno what's the word in english :p)

I had been living like that for a very long time. Never got myself too close to the girls around me. Didn't let them get too close to me either. Some of them knocked, so I opened the window for them as they offered friendship. A friendship will never be betrayed, that's my word.

However, my costume are only worn in the real world. I let myself be my own self in cyber space, through the microsoft windows. I picked up a few good friends. Even got myself a little sister who I really adored. Who I really used to adore *sigh*. And not to mention, love.

Still, on the net or in reality, I never approached anyone. Never let myself liked anyone too much. Never let anyone had the idea to fall in love with me. And of course, never let myself fell in love with any girl. Tak pernah mengharap apa-apa pun. I was being very very cautious.

I don't mean that the girls around me in reality are unattractive. In fact, in my x-high school or now in UIA, they do have the qualities. UIA are full with great girls - religion, looks, personalities, nice family backgrounds, they have em all. I was like surrounded by enemies. Haha. Weird thinking eh?

Until one day, a girl, someone I met during my school years, after years of hanging around my little window, found the key that i've thrown away ages ago. She bravely opened the door, held my hand, and walked me out. Even though I've never been outside, I somehow feel very safe now. She's like a covenant. She's like my guardian angel. I don't have to be afraid anymore. Whatever i do, i know exactly where i am standing. I will not get lost. And I shall never betray my covenant. For that is my word as a man, a man to that girl who opened the door, who is now a special woman in my life.

So now, I am exploring the world, getting closer to the people who came to visit me at my window. More importantly, i can, and in fact I am now, free and happy to offer my friendship to each and every people i meet, even to the people who I used to see only from afar, from my little window.

Lutfi's Memories in Lanchang

Ok, ni je laa kut gambar2 yg aku nak letak kat entry ni...byk lagi, tapi ni je yg termampu buat masa nie...gambar2 budak2 praktikal sekali dgn aku kat Lanchang yg aku sgt2 sayang, dan sedikit penerangan pasal diorang. Tak kenal maka tak cinta, kan? Baiklah kenal dan cinta daripada tak kenal dan benci :) We're like a family. Enjoy! my friends and my life at Lanchang...

Ni masa kat Merapoh, setup untuk program Jungle River Ecology. Macam pejuang bawah tanah je :p

Seladang wooo belakang aku tuh! hebat seyy!! Bos gaurus hubbacki!!

yg depan tu pak andak, sebelah kanan tu encik syukri dan isterinya.

Ini Aznoor, she's a great girl. sgt kreatif orangnya. Pandangannya sgt berbeza, i mean she can think of something that no one else could think of. For me, she's a very interesting person.

Ini Salleh, pemilik keta Myvi. Sgt baik woo mamat ni...Tiap kali gi kedai, aku tunjuk laa makanan kut2 dia nak beli. Jawapan dia: ko nak ke? kalo nak, aku belikan. terus beli...hoho...

Ini Tini...walaupun pompuan, tapi sgt terer ping pong. Aku yg tatau main ni pun kira dah agak expert laa skrg nie di bawah didikan tini. hoho.

Ini Fiza, budak kelate, dia nie mmg pure gadis kelantan la ni. Masak pandai, sambal tempe dia sgt best, pastu sopan santun, ayu yg tercontrol sepanjang masa :p

Ini awie. selalu je tersengih. Jenis tak berkira. Suka sms aku...suka mengadap computer aku tgk citer2 jepun dalam com. hoho..tapi kat sana dia paling muda

Ini Nor, i dunno why, tp bdk2 ni panggil dia mama, dia slalu blanja aiskim! yeyy! mama! Saya sgt seronok tgk dia makan coz susah betul laa minah ni nak makan.


Ini Pa'an...haha...mudah giler mesra ngan mamat ni...dia boleh citer kisah hidup dia dari kecik smp besar kat aku...hoho...tp kdg2 dia blur...tp main taekwondo woo!

Ini Timie, org kelate, asyik nak pang aku je, dgn aku je garang, tapi dgn org lain lemah lembut ayu gemalai...ahaha...

ni Sharey (Shahariah)...org kelate...sgt baik orangnya... always smiling walaupun hatinya gundah..tp selalu je jadi bahan gurauan aku...haha...dan sgt takut air

Syafiq: Mamat ni kira cam budak praktikal yg plg best laa kat sana. He's the mastermind of the performance. kira serba boleh laa...tp sgt takut dgn binatang, haha.

Ni salah sorang supervisor aku yg sgt best. En Jeffrine. Sgt comel dan boleh main gitar dgn sgt2 best walaupun kidal! Boleh bawa lagu 'this i promise u' dgn sgt mantap! How gud is that?! (nak letak gak gmbr supervisor lain tapi takde gambar laa :(

Belakang tu Mak Andak, yg kecik tu Jannah anak Pak Andak gak, Sebelah kanan tu isteri En. Syukri. Yg kat depan tu pulak Iqah, Kira & Wanie. Semua anak2 pak andak. They all called me 'papa'! Ahakzs!

Wanie & Kira!! Comel!!

Haha...saja bagi 'dia' jeles sket...eh eh...dun worry...ini Nor, dia kawin hujung tahun ni!!

Air terjun!! selalu gak mandi kat sini. syiok!

Orang asli kaum che wong buat sewang masa malam seminar

Baca doa opening utk national seminar...ketar tangan seyy...nasib baik suara tak ketar:p

Ni masa inventori kat tembat, kena pin serangga kat board...buat mende ni sampai kul 2-3 pagi. Serangga sangat fragile especially kupu2...huh...berpinau mata

tukar kelawar2 dari satu balang ke balang yg lain...

perghhh...kuat gile bau formalin!

Heh heh... aku dah pegang jengking, korang bila lagi??

Ini ialah seekor ulat bulu yang comel (^_^)

Tgh baca bearing untuk buat plotting yg jitu!!

Tgh buat laluan untuk plotting ye...bukan sedang mencari tempat utk buang...

Buat Kerja dalam Computer Lab

Paya ni dulu penuh dgn rumpai lalang. Kitorang yang bersihkan!!

Ni tempat tinggal kitorang, namanya ICCB

Bas ni sangat hebat!! Boleh buat Rally!

Aktiviti Tubing kat Merapoh

Atas Observation Tower kat Merapoh

Ada la...somewhere...takleh bagitau...rahsia

Majlis Kawin Cik Nonie

My favorite pic of us...

Lutfi's Friends Batch October 03/04

Well, This is a special entry made to introduce my classmates to the world. Hmm...maybe that's too much...actually just to a few persons who are reading this :p Pls refer to the lower part of the picture,ok? From left: Hajar Fauzan (Fauzan...i just call him Pojan, girls prefer to call him Hajar), Me, Nurhidayati (Yati), Kak Sofie, Arshana Nur (Arshana), Siti Fatimah (Sitot), Nurul Lyana (Nurul) and Noor Isma Yanti (Isma). In the left circle is Munirah (Moon) and in the right circle is Azhane (Ann). Btw, the macho guy at the sitting at the centre is Dr. Irwandi, used to be our lecturer. Now he's in Japan for a research project! Oh, there's one more guy, Mohd Amirullah (Amer). Just scroll down to the next pic. We're on our way to an island in Langkawi. Can't find any other pic having Amer in it. Amer is the one at the left. The other two are Fauzan and Yati.

For the above pic, these are the girls in my batch, maybe kak sofie took this pic coz i can't find her anywhere in this pic :p I cilok all these pics from our blog . Haha. Senang sikit :p From left standing: Nurul, Sitot, Arshana and Moon. From left squatting: Ann, Yati and Isma. As far as I know, Sitot, Yati and Isma dah ada orang chup! :p Tak tau laa percentage of availability diorang berapa, tapi other than thos three, yang lain-lain tu 100% available la kut. Agaknya la. Hohoho.


I still have The Scandal in Lutfi's Life and The Adventure of Lutfi on hold. For The Adventure of Lutfi, I'll introduce my beloved friends at Lanchang for the next entry. For The Scandal in Lutfi's Life, I might wait til there are more than 20 constant readers of this blog :)

The Adventure of Lutfi : Part 2

In the first week of my Practical, we were asked to retag the bats. Take em out from their old jar, jot down their info and transfer into a new jar containing 75% alcohol. Then there's this National Seminar on Protected Areas. where scientists were gathered to present their papers. We did the painting for fences, toilet and the parking lines. Clean up the rooms. Setting up the venue. Registration. Everything, u name it. I, a so-called IIUM student, even given the task to recite du'a for the opening ceremony, an hour before it started! so ad-hoc. Luckily I could mix some Malay in the du'a :p

The second week, we went for an inventory at Tembat Forest Reserve, Tasik Kenyir, Terengganu. Yepyep! A field trip! A fun one too! I love the small creatures rather than the big ones. So, I volunteered to do entomology or the study of insects. I learnt how to use scoop and light traps to catch insects, and to preserve them using ethyl acetate. The most important thing is to pin them on the board neatly and beautifully. There were so many types of insects with various shapes and colors. They were amazing!

I went to Jenderak Selatan (also in Pahang) for Wild Gaur (Seladang) observation. Finally got to see and touch a real Seladang! They were created wearing white socks :p
Went into the Krau forest a few times for frogging and for set up of traps. Frogging was done at night. When will I ever have another chance to walk inside the forest at night! Cool!
Got involved in programmes with high school students. Really had fun with them!
The only boring things were the databases. Damn. Yes, they're important. But yes again, they were indeed boring. U'll even got bored watching others doing it.

The best was the setting up for Jungle River Ecology Program at Merapoh, one of the main entrance into Taman Negara. All 14 IKB's practical students went there, accompanied by 6 'sempoi' staffs went there. Oh, 2 practical students from Elephant Conservation Centre also joined us. We did night observation, looking for nocturnal animals. We did sample plotting - plot a 200mx200m sampling area with smaller 20mx20m quadrants in it. In other words, 100 small squares in a big square. We exprienced tubing! - Sit on a big tyre tube and float along the river for about more than 1km. Now that's a real new experience! Another wonderful experience was the trail mapping - We walked a trail, plot the stations, take bearings at each turn, measure the trail's length, record down the animal signs and tracks, plus the prominent plants and herbs. We made a map of the trail from the information gathered! Hell yeah! uhuk2...Alhamdulillah :) ... We also went to the Kelah sanctuary, feed them, up close and personal! Got up onto the observation tower and had a mesmerizing view of the Taman Negara, plus the Gunung Tahan!

Well, those are some of my working experience, summarized version :) Dunno what's wrong, but can't upload the pics. Next time, perhaps (^_^)V

The Adventure of Lutfi: Part 1

I think I want to do a few entries regarding my industrial training or some people call it practical training. This will be the first one. It was a great experience, one of the best I had in my life! The experience, the place, the people i met and the priceless friendship bonded between me and other practical trainees.

All four of us - Fauzan, Ati, Kak Sofie, and me of course - agreed to meet in UIA so that we can go to our practical place together. We need to register on 12th April. And yes, Ati and Kak Sofie have the cars - a Kancil and a Satria, Fauzan and I need transportations, they can't drive 'em (yet), so we were the drivers. That's one of the reasons. But I guess even if we had our own transportations, it would be best if we went there together :)

Ok, let's start the journey from my hometown, Kuala Terengganu. It was 10th April. I didn't have to pack much since most of my stuffs were still in UIA. But I did carry with me a big bag, or is it called luggage bag? nevermind, u get what i mean, rite? If u still don't understand, it's a bag - period.

My 5th bro and his spouse were also there at home. And they're also going back to KL at the same night, only a little bit late. My bus was at 9pm. or was it 10pm? bad memory :p Not wanting to waste my ticket, I still got myself on that bus instead of going back with my bro.

So, there I was, in that bus. Sutera. I sat on the right column of the seatings, near the window too. The bus was half an hour late! Even worse, something wrong with the door it couldn't close properly. It also stopped at a few places to pick up people. It stopped to fix the damn door too. I started to wonder what the heck is wrong with this bus. I think the bus began its REAL journey to KL around 11pm. But the weirdest part, the most unusual part is, I can't sleep! I've tried my hardest to sleep, called Mr. Sandman so many times, but failed miserably! :p You know, usually I'd be in deep slumber, at most, half an hour after a bus moves (My closest friends would know this for a fact :p). That night, it was already 2-3 hours after the tyre started to roll, and I wasn't even sleepy!

The bus was moving fast. Tapi nak kata laju sgt pun tak jugak, biasa la kan. It's a straight road. And suddenly there's a detour to the left due to some stupid construction that didn't put any notice. They did put notice, but only exactly at the detour! So, the bus driver did what any other sane driver in the world would do. Brake!!! I could hear the sound of the tyre-road friction! I thought to myself:"Wow...this is so cool...takkan bas ni nak accident kut..." then again:"nah...tak mungkin lah." The bus slowed down already. So it's safe. Soon after that, GEDEGANG!!! The bus i was on got hit from behind. My bus swirved to the left, off the road... yes...off the road...

Off the road...I said to myself:"ok..." A split second after that, it started to turn upside down from its left side. I quickly reach my hands out to the front seat and grab it (teruja jugak dgn reflex saya sniri). I said to myself again:"Wow!...this is so cool!" As a matter of fact, I was smiling at that time :) On second thought:"bas ni jatuh dalam gaung ke....hmm...don't care if I do die..". If it was meant for me to die in such a tragedy, then die I will. There's nothing else I could but to hold on tightly to the front seat.

Luckily, the bus stopped turning after about 120 degree. And I was hanging on the front seat, the right side of the front seat. My feet didn't touch any ground. I chose to keep hanging since I might fall down on other people down there. Hey, the guy beside me wasn't in his place anymore! Regardless of other people's situation, that's one of the sweetest moment in my life. And again, I said to myself:"Wow, this is soo cool!... Sooo cool!! (I really couldn't stop saying it)...Oh, lupa plak...Alhamdulillah selamat..." Memang teruja gila masa tu. Ingat nak kata Alhamdulillah coz terlibat dgn kemalangan, but I thought it won't be fair for others who might get serious injury. But seriously, I was grateful.

Then, somebody told me to come down. Dah turun tu baru nampak sikit macam mana keadaannya. I was like in my own world up there hanging :p And of coz, a lot of people were panic. Heard a lot of screaming too, not because they are hurt, but just because the're panic. So I stood there for a while, watching the scenery. Then I sat down on the place where u put the bags on the bus, continue enjoying the show. I know it's rude to say that I was enjoying the show. It's actually like when u're really amaze with something, u just stood there, amazed. I sat there and thought to myself:"Wow...I'm in a real bus accident...me...here...bus accident...I can't believe this...it actually happens...to me...at last!" (Remember the entry about me putting a hole on the 'cadar'...haha...yes, that's what i'm talking about!)

I was in my own world again, until a woman called me and asked me to help her get her bag out. Even cooler, I went out through the windscreen!! Can you believe that?! Well, I don't know whether it broke coz of the accident or somebody simply broke it.

Another bus, transnational, was in front of my bus, but unlike my bus, it's still on its tyres. The area was actually near mangrove. I even stepped in the mud. And I just washed my shoes 2 days before. Darn. Luckily there are few parts of solid ground. The place where we fell, it's about 5 metres down from the road. From the bus driver, I was told that the Transnational didn't manage to brake and hit our bus. I looked around, nobody seemed to got hurt. Most of them looked fine. And there's nothing much I can help either. I really looked around to help but really couldn't find any...I wonder why myself. This is an accident. There must be someone who needed help. But seriously, everyone looked fine. Everybody was asking:"Where are we?" I asked the same question too. Last2 dapat tau ada dekat2 dengan Dungun.

Then I called my mom to tell her i'm safe. I really felt guarded that night, by The One up there. Everything went smooth though I was in an accident. Didn't even got myself a scratch! And my bro was on his way back to KL too. Called him to pick me up! Then the ambulance and bomba arrived. They sure were fast. Kagum2. Then, orang2 yang dah takde apa2 disuruh naik ke jalan besar. Even called 'her' and have a chat while waiting for my bro :p My bro datang siap amik2 gambar lagi. Cam datang trip plak.

Nobody in my bus got serious injury. Unfortunately for the Transnational's they seem to have more injury than us, although from the looks of our buses, the Sutera seemed to be more seriously damaged. Cakap kat orang ramai yg datang tengok kat situ, saya penumpang bas Sutera tu. Mata dia terbeliak macam tak percaya. Haha. Then off we go, to KL. The next day, met with others and we started our journey to Institut Kepelbagaian Biologi, Lanchang, Pahang!

Read newspapers few days after, at my practical place (^_^)V, I was glad that nobody died in that tragedy :) Alhamdulillah...

Why the heck does Lutfi blogs?

I haven't updated my blog for quite some times now. Was it 3 months? Yep yep, 3 months. If you included my last two entries into account, then another month or two should be added. I was busy? yes. I wasn't in a good mood? true. But hey, don't take it literally. Coz I'm always in a good mood (^_^)v It's just that I wasn't in the mood for blogging.

Within these months, a set of question popped up in my mind - why blog? what's the purpose of me blogging? Why am I exposing myself, my life, to others?

I know that the reason for some people to blog is to convey their opinions to others.That's what bloggers normally blog for. Some others use blogs as their diaries, jotting down every ups and downs, with tears of sadness and happiness as well. Their grandchildren might be reading their entries 50 years later :)

But of course, some people say that if you're a great person, you should be blogging about bigger issues, global problems, at least a country-level issues. Yes, it is true. too.

So, again, why am I blogging? You know, if I, myself, asked myself, or if i being asked that question by others, then my answer would be 'I, myself, do not know why'. Or maybe the answer would be 'I just feel like doing it, just for the sake of doing it' All the reasons could come later. Whether it is a way for me to convey my ideas, or it is my diaryor whether it is totally a waste of time, I don't care.

Nonetheless, I do hope my readers out there somewhere got a small chunk of benefit, if not more, from what i wrote here, in this humble blog of mine - Scandals in Lutfi's Life. At least, I am sharing my life with you as a friend. There you go, i finally have the answer for my question previously. I blog so that I can share my life with my friends! Thank you for stopping by, friends :) And of course, I will have another update soon! Soon...but not very soon... :p

LIFE IS GREAT!!

Lutfi no shiken owarimashita!

Gomen ne!... dah lama tak update...yeyy! Dah abis exam! Nak update blog!



Tapi...
Sgt penat...
mengantuk....
semalam tak tido...study.....
nak update blog skrg...
zz...
Arkk....
entry baru!...
zzzz....
Malam ni dah nak balik Terengganu....
Kena buat entry baru....

Lutfi...
Jangan tido....

ZZZzzzzz.........................................................

Lutfi tags!

I'll continue my love story after this commercial break! Hoho!

10 FAVOURITES:
Favourite Colour: Purple
Favourite Food: Sate & Ice-Cream
Favourite Month: November!
Favourite Song: Suatu Masa by M. Nasir
Favourite Movie: Windstruck
Favourite Actor/ Actress: Julia Roberts
Favourite Season: Rainy season
Favourite Day Of the Week: Saturday
Favourite Ice Cream Flavour: Chocolate
Favourite Time of Day: Late at night

9 CURRENTS:
Current Mood: Ntah...biasa je...
Current Taste: sweet?
Current Clothes: baggy pants and shirt
Current Desktop: I'm in comp lab rite now. My own PC would have wallpaper rurouni kenshin
Current Toenail Color: huh?
Current Time: 9.38 pm
Current Surroundings: chill
Current Thoughts: When will I finish all my assignments and reports...
Current Hair Colour: Black (It's natural)

8 FIRSTS:
First Best Friend: Tan Poh Ching (During std 2 :P I have no idea where he is now)
First Kiss: not yet
First Screen Name: illuthive? tak ingat plak.
First Pet: hamster
First Piercing: never did
First Crush: dun think i have any
First Album: Hybrid Theory - Linkin Park
First Phone: Alcatel. Dunno what model it was.

7 LASTS:
Last Cigarette: never smoked
Last Drink: Chrysanthemum tea (Right spelling?)
Last Car Ride: Just this morning, went to Jalan Gombak to pay my bill.
Last Kiss: never been kissed lah! Except by my mom :P
Last Movie Seen: Baik Punya Cilok! Best! Best! Sgt Best!
Last Phone Call: Can't remember
Last CD Played: Ai Yori Aoshi (an anime i've burnt on cd-r)

6 HAVE YOU EVERS:
Have You Ever Dated One Of Your Best Girl Friends: Nope
Have You Ever Broken the Law: Law of Nature? Vague Question. Void. Basically not yet.
Have You Ever Been Arrested: Nope, except in Need For Speed: Most Wanted
Have You Ever Skinny Dipped: Huh?!
Have You Ever Been on TV: Not Yet
Have You Ever Kissed Someone You Didn't Know: In dreams :P

5 THINGS:
Thing You're Wearing: Grey baggy pants and red shirt
Thing You've Done Today: Pay my bill, biodiversity class, watch some anime...
Thing You Can Hear Right Now: I'm in comp lab. Hearing the sound of keyboard and people talking
Thing You Can't Live Without: my heart? my soul?
Thing You Do When You're Bored: do something with my computer

4 PLACES YOU'VE BEEN TODAY:
My hostel
Celcom service centre
Biodiversity class
Computer lab

3 PEOPLE YOU CAN TELL ANYTHING TO:
Wan Norhidayah
Mohd Fariq
-Vacancy- anybody wanna stay here?

2 CHOICES:
To finish my assignment tonite or not? I have to!
Refer to post Lutfi, In Dilemma: What the hell am I going to do about that person...

1 THING YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
Ucap 2 kalimah syahadah!

Tag: any blogger who read this!