November 21st

My life changed a lot since last year. Having a special girlfriend (at that time) made me feel secured. I wasn't afraid anymore. I started to open myself up more and more. Having a high position in the Science Students' Society, that needed me to open myself up whole lot more. Having these two big things in my life, I couldn't contain my true self anymore. So here I am now, 'truly loved' by some, and 'truly loved and slightly hated at the same time' by most :p

22nd November 2007, 5.52pm. I suddenly got a call from a colleague, Kak Sofie.

"Lutfi, the car broke down. The engine won't start. We're at Taman Bandar. Help!"

Well, the call wasn't that short, I even called her back after that, but that's the gist of it :p So Fauzan and I tried to find a 'jumper', u know, a pair of cables used to start a car engine using the battery of another car. We managed to borrow it from a security guard. Haha. I was on the phone with my Kak Long when we reach there, so I just let Fauzan do the work. After I hung up and turned to them..."Happy Birthday!!!" Kak Sofie, Nurul, Ann, Arshana, Mun, Sitot, Isma, and of course, Fauzan. Err..my batch only have 3 guys including me :p I got a brand new watch, an innocent-looking champaigne-colored tie and the yummiest sweetest chocolates! lalalalalaa~ Thank you very very much!! Oh, don't forget that delicious cake! TQ!

Surprised, surprised. I honestly didn't know how to react. I did not sure which feeling should I be feeling. Happy? Touched? Overjoyed? Or perhaps, scared? I honestly did not sure. I was kinda numb for a while. It wasn't that unexpected, but I was dumbfounded nevertheless. I was happy and touched, but i think I was scared as well. Scared of what...? I had no idea.

My birthday is on the 21st of November. My sisters wished me. My mother wished me as well. My bestfriend called me from Germany. I truthfully didn't expect to be celebrated, wished, or even remembered on my birthday other than by my mother and my sisters. To be frank, I actually tried to avoid it. A week before my birthday, I changed my date of birth in my friendster account. I agreed to switch my simcard with my sister who was going to Germany for a week. Razali wished me in the morning of 21st. Luckily he was already on his way to KL, I told him not to tell anyone else. I went to the lab and did my work on my final year project (FYP) like every other day. I tried to talk normally with my friends at the lab, in my heart hoping that they wouldn't remember. I usually asked them the day's date, to label my samples. But that day and the day after, I avoided asking them. I avoided going out with them, thinking that the less they see me, the less chance they will remember my birthday. And they certainly fooled me, acting like it was just another ordinary frustrating day of doing FYP. Haha. I didn't know what was it that I was so afraid of, and why I thought and acted that way. After the day ended, it was a big relief. Thank God they didn't remember!

The 22nd was just like the day before. Only that my FYP co-supervisor called wishing me happy birthday. He asked me whether everyone else knew, and I immediately answered YES, NO NEED TO REMIND THEM. I thought I was already 'safe'. Well, that late afternoon, my friends proved me wrong.

I kept thinking what was it that I was so scared of, why I was afraid for them to remember my birthday. Yes, if they remembered my birthday, then I have to remember theirs, and I'm soo not good in remembering anything~ Yep, If they gave me any present, then I would have to give them something on their birthday too~ Or perhaps, I would pity them if their prank on me didn't work, oh that would be sad~

I finally found my answer. Surprisingly, none of the above really matters.

Funny, I was actually afraid to be loved. I was afraid to know that I am loved by the people around me. I was afraid to realize that I am loved by my friends THAT much. And what truly scared me the most was that I do not know whether I am loving them as much as they love me, and whether I have been treating them as nice as how they treat me. But now I know one thing for sure. They are family. And I absolutely love them as much as they love me, if not more. And each of them has a special place in my heart, always. Thank you Allah for leading me to them. Sofie, Arshana, Azhane, Munirah, Siti Fatimah, Isma, Nurul, and Fauzan, this piece is for u guys. Love y'all so much!