November 21st

My life changed a lot since last year. Having a special girlfriend (at that time) made me feel secured. I wasn't afraid anymore. I started to open myself up more and more. Having a high position in the Science Students' Society, that needed me to open myself up whole lot more. Having these two big things in my life, I couldn't contain my true self anymore. So here I am now, 'truly loved' by some, and 'truly loved and slightly hated at the same time' by most :p

22nd November 2007, 5.52pm. I suddenly got a call from a colleague, Kak Sofie.

"Lutfi, the car broke down. The engine won't start. We're at Taman Bandar. Help!"

Well, the call wasn't that short, I even called her back after that, but that's the gist of it :p So Fauzan and I tried to find a 'jumper', u know, a pair of cables used to start a car engine using the battery of another car. We managed to borrow it from a security guard. Haha. I was on the phone with my Kak Long when we reach there, so I just let Fauzan do the work. After I hung up and turned to them..."Happy Birthday!!!" Kak Sofie, Nurul, Ann, Arshana, Mun, Sitot, Isma, and of course, Fauzan. Err..my batch only have 3 guys including me :p I got a brand new watch, an innocent-looking champaigne-colored tie and the yummiest sweetest chocolates! lalalalalaa~ Thank you very very much!! Oh, don't forget that delicious cake! TQ!

Surprised, surprised. I honestly didn't know how to react. I did not sure which feeling should I be feeling. Happy? Touched? Overjoyed? Or perhaps, scared? I honestly did not sure. I was kinda numb for a while. It wasn't that unexpected, but I was dumbfounded nevertheless. I was happy and touched, but i think I was scared as well. Scared of what...? I had no idea.

My birthday is on the 21st of November. My sisters wished me. My mother wished me as well. My bestfriend called me from Germany. I truthfully didn't expect to be celebrated, wished, or even remembered on my birthday other than by my mother and my sisters. To be frank, I actually tried to avoid it. A week before my birthday, I changed my date of birth in my friendster account. I agreed to switch my simcard with my sister who was going to Germany for a week. Razali wished me in the morning of 21st. Luckily he was already on his way to KL, I told him not to tell anyone else. I went to the lab and did my work on my final year project (FYP) like every other day. I tried to talk normally with my friends at the lab, in my heart hoping that they wouldn't remember. I usually asked them the day's date, to label my samples. But that day and the day after, I avoided asking them. I avoided going out with them, thinking that the less they see me, the less chance they will remember my birthday. And they certainly fooled me, acting like it was just another ordinary frustrating day of doing FYP. Haha. I didn't know what was it that I was so afraid of, and why I thought and acted that way. After the day ended, it was a big relief. Thank God they didn't remember!

The 22nd was just like the day before. Only that my FYP co-supervisor called wishing me happy birthday. He asked me whether everyone else knew, and I immediately answered YES, NO NEED TO REMIND THEM. I thought I was already 'safe'. Well, that late afternoon, my friends proved me wrong.

I kept thinking what was it that I was so scared of, why I was afraid for them to remember my birthday. Yes, if they remembered my birthday, then I have to remember theirs, and I'm soo not good in remembering anything~ Yep, If they gave me any present, then I would have to give them something on their birthday too~ Or perhaps, I would pity them if their prank on me didn't work, oh that would be sad~

I finally found my answer. Surprisingly, none of the above really matters.

Funny, I was actually afraid to be loved. I was afraid to know that I am loved by the people around me. I was afraid to realize that I am loved by my friends THAT much. And what truly scared me the most was that I do not know whether I am loving them as much as they love me, and whether I have been treating them as nice as how they treat me. But now I know one thing for sure. They are family. And I absolutely love them as much as they love me, if not more. And each of them has a special place in my heart, always. Thank you Allah for leading me to them. Sofie, Arshana, Azhane, Munirah, Siti Fatimah, Isma, Nurul, and Fauzan, this piece is for u guys. Love y'all so much!

Death

For those who are a bit sensitive, or easily get scared, I warn you, don't read this. Especially Ann, Do not read.

Yes, it is sensitive to some people. Why do people avoid thinking about it? It may happen a hundred years later. It may happen tomorrow. It can even be this second right now while you are reading this line. What is it? It's death. Just so you know, death is inevitable. Oh, you already knew? :p Yepyep, sooner or later, we all gonna die. Now don't say that I'm telling you lies, coz that is one solid fact you can't deny.

Allah saved me so many times. My friends helped me a lot. Sometimes i thought it's weird for me to still be able to breathe this beautiful life. But most of the times, God knows how grateful I am. I have my loved ones, my family and my friends. I hold a few dearly in my heart, wishing that I could meet one of them again when I'm ready :)

When I was in primary school, I played a lot with a chinese friend of mine. One time, we went playing on a small hill. All the trees had been cleared up for construction. And there was this wall of rocks, or should I say, a cliff? (My vocab sucks, forgive me~) It was quite high, and I was just a little boy back then.

"Yun Ming, let's climb to the top!" I said to my friend. Speaking in chinese, of course.

Perhaps he's smarter than me, he refused :p So, I climbed it myself, confidently~ huhu. It was exciting!...at first lah~ after that...haha..just when I'm about to reach the top, I could not find any other rock that I could grab on. I couldn't go further up. I looked down...

Crap, was it this high before?! If I fall down, it's either dead or a few broken bones for sure.. Wait, where's Yun ming? He's not down there! Now where the hell did he go when I need him?! Oh, my mum's gonna be so pissed off if anything happen to me...Hmm...would she be sad if I die right here today? I might be in the newspaper tomorrow..."a boy fall down from a cliff while playing with his friend"...hmm...They might interview Yun Ming...and perhaps my mother too...I could imagine her crying...

I still couldn't move an inch. God, I was scared, I really was. The warm sweat started to feel cold. My palms was getting sweaty too. I couldn't hold much longer. God, please help me. Please help me, God. Then suddenly, I saw a hand! I looked up. Yun Ming! I've never been so glad to see him :p He grabbed my hand and pulled me up to safe. Haha, actually he took another totally 100% safe path to go up there, unlike stupid little lutfi.

Throughout nearly 23 years of my life, I had faced several dangerous situation. Hoho. The world is such a dangerous place. So many incidents with my bicycle. Motorcycle accident, once. Haha, that one was scary. A little faster then i might get drug under a truck. There were two incidents in which another inch might have caused me to go blind. Oh, the bus accident was a wonderful experience :) Just several weeks ago I was sooo close to get struck by lightning that I could hear the sound of electrical charges ripping the air at my right ear. A friend of mine walking on my left side already "jatuh terduduk", flabbergasted, shocked by what he just saw. Nevertheless, everytime I managed to get through those situations, it made me feel more alive. It made me remember Him. I like to do crazy stuffs too. I'm not afraid of a few cuts and bruises. But don't worry, I would never do anything reckless. Never ever. I do take risks, but nothing more than I can take ;)

I was lucky for countless times. Alhamdulillah. I do think about death sometimes, especially when I was in a life-threatening situation, and it actually made feel calm. Nauzubillah, I don't want anything bad that would end my beautiful life. But when my time really comes, be it 100 years later, be it tomorrow, be it now, I hope I can accept my fate. I hope I won't have any regret. I hope I won't regret on things that I haven't accomplished. What I hope the most is for my friends and families, for them to keep on living their beautiful lives. I hope they won't have any regrets or grudges on me. Like how they keep me in their hearts, let the unspoken words buried in their hearts too. Coz what done is done. what gone is gone. There'll be no turning back of time.

-Dying is the hardest part of living- Lutfi, November 5th, 2007

a layman's view on Islam : Akhlaq

Akhlaq in a layman's term would be moral conduct.

As far as I know, the Prophet (peace be upon him) was 'sent down' to improve our akhlaq. How?

With Islam :)

For a layman like me, it's very simple. Be good, be sincere, be kind, be very kind, be thoughtful, be generous, be tolerant, be modest, be patient, be clean, be acceptable, be responsible, be pleasant, be nice, be friendly, be lovable, respect others and so on so forth. Even a small ant need to be respected, as long as it doesn't disturb us. That to me, is what akhlaq is about.

You never missed your congregational solah, you even pray additional solah, you always wear robe, looking like a pious muslim, you fast in Ramadhan, you recite Quranic verses with beautiful voice, u performed Hajj (pilgrimage), BUT, you drive your car dangerously, you litter, you neglect your responsibilties, you torture a mosquito, you look down on others, you never smile, you act annoyingly, you act selfishly, you think only for your own good! Now where is the akhlaq nurtured through your ibadah?

This world wasn't made for you alone. There are other humans, there are other creatures. If you're only focusing on your direct ibadah towards Allah (solah, fasting, reciting Quran etc.), how islamic do you think you are when you ignore everything else, and everyone else around you are HATING you?

Ibadah supposed to nurture good akhlaq. But some muslims are too focus on ibadah that they forgot to be kind, give a smile to others or lend a helping hand. Being a pious muslim and a successful person, he/she looks down on laymen. And so i ask, where is the beautiful of Islam in the eyes of a layman? Seeing us like that, with a bad akhlaq, would the non-muslims be interested to embrace Islam?

Islam is moderate. Therefore, perform your ibadah, and at the same time, be good, be sincere, be kind, be very kind, be thoughtful, be generous, be tolerant, be modest, be patient, be clean, be acceptable, be responsible, be pleasant, be nice, be friendly, be lovable, respect others and so on so forth.

Be a wonderful muslim, for yourself, and to the people around you. (^_^)

a layman's view on Islam : Ibadah

Ibadah in a layman's term would be acts of worship towards Allah s.w.t. It can be divided into two, I don't know about the actual terms in english, but let me just call them 'special' and 'general'.

Special ibadah are the direct act of worships towards Allah and with proper guidelines on how to go about it. They are also obligatory. For example, solah (pray), fasting, performing hajj (pilgrimage) and paying zakah.

General ibadah are anything that we do, for good cause, through a good process, because of Allah s.w.t. With the right intention, sleeping could also be an ibadah :)

Some muslims felt burden with ibadah. It's true that as muslims, we have to perform solah 5 times a day and fasting in Ramadhan and so on. But it's not difficult at all. Ibadah in Islam is actually very simple! Most of the difficult things are in fact added by cultures, and by fanatic muslims, thinking that by adding this and that, adding new regulations will make ibadah better and Allah will love them more. Huh~

Nevertheless, it is wrong to do so. Hence, in order to know what is right, and what is wrong, it is best to refer to knowledgable muslims (ulama') who essentially refer to al-Quran and hadith, and have proofs (a.k.a 'dalil' - Quranic verses or hadith) for it. Performing ibadah simply based on traditions have to stop. We must seek for true knowledge!

I was born in a muslim family, and my parents were born in a muslim family. So were my grandparents. What I'm trying to say is, I was taught about Islam by traditions. Even at school, I was only taught about what ibadah must I do and they did give me the proofs. Then they taught me how to do it, the steps in doing those ibadah. But the thing is, they never gave me the proofs of doing those steps. Are those steps, the right steps, the same as what the prophet and his companions did 1400+ years ago? That is the main question!

For example, in Subuh (dawn) prayer, is 'qunut' recitation is compulsory? sunnah? Or is it another addition? Find your own answer :) Then, wiping your face after solah (after salam) is actually an addition. Another one, yes, we have to have the intention (niah/niat) of performing ibadah, but we don't really have to read it out word by word in ARABIC! The intention can simply be in our heart/mind and it can be in whatever language we are familiar with!

Another example is fasting. Fasting is not as difficult as it seems. We just have to restrain ourselves from eating, drinking, and having sexual intercourse (for married couples), only from dawn to dusk (Subuh till Maghrib). That's it. Going scuba diving, dripping eye-mo in your eyes, picking your nose etc. do not make your fasting void. Other thing that voids your fast is having a period (female only), and another one is....nifas (bleeding after giving birth. I dunno the exact word in english :p)

Why are we Malay muslims like to make things harder for the mualaf (people who newly embraces Islam)? Things are sooo easy, yet we make it difficult, and exclusive. Islam is for all, not just for Malays or Arabs. Cheongsam (a type of chinese attire) is not Islamic? Says who?!! How islamic is 'Baju Melayu'?!

Mentioned above are only a few examples. There are lots of other misinterpretations in ibadah and in Islam. The reason that makes ibadah difficult is ourselves. We never tried to seek for knowledge, we simply accepted what have been passed down to us by our traditions, by our ancestors. Therefore, seek for knowledge, true knowledge. BUT, DON'T GO ASTRAY!

Why don't we treat the non-muslims nicer? Why at some places the non-muslims aren't allowed to enter the mosque? How are they going to get closer to Islam? Are we looking down at them just because they're not muslims? Are we that high above them? For God's sake, we are humans and so are they. With all the misunderstandings, misconceptions and misinterpretations, not only the non-muslims will be driven away, even the young muslims may drift further from Islam.

A layman's view on Islam 2

People are afraid of Islam because it is known as a religion with lots of NOs, CANNOTs, DON'Ts and SHOULDN'Ts and so on. Actually, things are not that complicated lah~ Islam only prohibited bad things and the sources that will lead to bad things, such as alcohols, drugs, gamblings, adulteries etc. Think. How many problems and issues have we heard, that are caused by those things?

To me, Islam is the simplest yet the most concise religion. It's logical and rational, in line with scientific facts. It is complete and comprehensive in its simplicity :) Do good deeds and avoid bad actions, it's that simple. In fact, that's what we need to make this world a better place! Kan? Kan?

Even the muslims themselves are afraid of many things in Islam. But the truth is, they feel so because they do not understand how simple Islam is. Some are too attached with traditions rather than the true islamic practices. Tradition is one of the things that taints Islam. it's the tradition that adds up many NOs, CANNOTs, DON'Ts and SHOULDN'Ts and so on. So please, let's all refer back to al-Quran and as-sunnah. Seek for the true knowledge of Islam.

Allah will never burden us beyond our capacity. Everything we are asked to do are all within our capability, and they are all rational. In fact, He simplified things for us and provided us with the best solutions that will make our lives easier and better. Even the solah (prayer) can be combined and shortened during travelling ;) When you yourself think that something in Islam cannot be comprehended by your logical mind, please go and find out about it. Do not simply follow blindly. But be careful, some ulama' or pious-looking muslims are Islam by traditions. They'll only tell you what their father or grandfather told them previously, which might be tainted by traditions. Therefore, ask for proofs, ask for quranic verses, ask for hadith, ask for logical reasons, then recheck whether the proofs given are true and authentic (sahih).

In Islam, we are not blamed for our mistakes that are done unpurposely, for things that we forgot, and for the things that we are forced to do by other people. We are not blamed for the things that we do not know of. But of course, we must avoid ambiguous things. And if there are confusions on what's the right thing to do in an islamic situation, we are asked to choose the less burdening solution. We are asked to be moderate and balanced.

Someone told me before, religion is like driving a car. Islam is a good car, the best car. Then, there's also rules and regulations, traffic lights, guidelines when you're on the road. Like many other things, even soccer, Islam is tainted by fanatics, by hypocrites, by rabid 'blind' followers, and also by people who think that they are soooo above others. Hence, you really can't blame the car if the driver himself is a reckless moron!

So, drive your BMW 7 series or Jaguar XKR or whatever, follow the road signs, respect other drivers, smile to them, drive to your destination safely. May Allah bless us all (^_^)v

A layman's view on Islam

Don't be mistaken, i am not a member of any Christian church. I am a Muslim. My religion is Islam. And yes, I'm loving it. What I mean by 'layman' is that I am a Muslim with a below-average knowledge regarding Islam.

Regardless of my lack of knowledge, I am looking at something beautiful.

Perhaps, the term 'layman' is not suitable to represent myself, because 'layman' technically means average, and my knowledge on Islam is actually considered as below average. But i'm using it anyway. I'll be writing a few entries about my simple views on Islam, perhaps without any proof (dalil/nas/quranic verses/hadith) to back my words up, because I don't memorize many verses of al-Quran, I rarely read tafsir, I don't memorize many hadith, i don't study much on usul fiqh. That's why this is a layman's view. Nevertheless, please, do correct me if I am wrong, for I am but a learner.

I am learning every minute, every hour and every day. It feels like waiting, looking at a blooming bakawali flower. It's a type of flower that I have at my house. With green bud at early stage, budding out of a big, ugly green leaf, it slowly grows...yellowish...white...growing bit by bit within several days, and finally fully blooms at midnight. Fully blooms into a big white flower, with bright, pure-looking petals. Simply beautiful. That, is how I would describe my journey in discovering Islam.

Lutfi Yang bermata kecik dan merah

In the last entry, I mentioned about having messages for everyone. On second thought, I don't feel like writing about it. Ini bukan blog jiwang. You guys live and experience your life on your own, and decide later what's best for you and your very own self. As for me, I've already made my own decision for this borrowed-life that i'm living :)

Ok, back to the normal life~ I got conjunctivitis last friday. Am I spelling it right? Huhu, never bothered to search for it :p I'm not sure whether it is caused by bacteria or virus. Simply said, it's a disease that attack your eyes and makes it red, of course, with a little pain. Hoho yeah, sore and bloody red eyes. Makes you weep unstoppably. Hey,the women love to cry, why doesn't it attack only them? (no hard feeling, girls :p)

Lalalalalaa~ I went to see a doc at Terengganu. She told me to stay at home for a week, afraid that other students would be infected. But I came back to UIA the day after (lalalalalaa~). She gave me chloramphenicol eye-drop and erythromycines pills, an eye-mo and some 'gatal' pills (itch-relieving pills). Darn. I hate medicine. Even more, I hate the instructions of how and when I should be taking them. How many times per day. How many tablets each time. Before makan or after makan. Oh, I haven't makan yet so I can't swallow those pills. Then after makan, i forgot everything~

The eye-drop, i had to drip it in my eyes 4 times per day, 2-3 drops each. Being an organized person (haha), I just had to calculate this carefully :p After a deep thinking...Oh, I got it...I must divide 24 hours by 4 times! After a complicated calculation, yes I finally got the answer, it's 6-hour interval! Yeyy, I'm a genius! Hence I decided, every 12 O'clock and every 6 o'clock every day and night! But after 2 days, oh the heck with the intervals. Ikut suka hati je letak lalalalalalaaa~

A piece of advice, if your eyes got infected, don't rub em, just relax. Don't strain your eyes. And if you think by washing your eyes you could wash away the virus/bacteria, just imagine those virus/bacteria are laughing at you with their hands showing the 'L' sign. If you do all those things, all you'll get is more pain, and perhaps internal bleeding in your eyes. So for God's sake, just go see the doctors ASAP!

she : epilogue

Not too long ago, a friend said to me,"The first love is always the sweetest, true?"

Then he added,"But it usually doesn't work, does it?" Followed by a question,"Why?"

I thought for a second, then I answered,"First love usually blooms when we're still young. Perhaps we're not mature enough to recognize it, to handle it, to understand it."

*****************************************

I've metaphorically written about the journey of my first love. 5 episodes of it. Yes, of course, it's embarrassing. I have several reasons. And I don't mind being looked down, criticized, hated, laughed or whatever. After all, i am a mere human.

The first reason. Hoho. i won't restate the very main reason of me writing this blog. Nyeh nyeh :p If you want to know, you can read the very first entry of this blog. But I know you won't bother, so just forget about the first reason, k! ;)

Secondly, those episodes and this blog itself are for myself. I want myself to understand better of what i've been through. May it be a good reminder for myself. This blog, it is my life journal, it is my insight, it is part of my memories, it exists because i'm exist (with God's will of course).

Thirdly, I want her to understand how I really feel, and how I really felt about her. Since she never really listened to what i've been saying to her for one whole year and a month. I thought, perhaps, I could convey my feelings through writings, as a third person. But I guess she just hates me even more. Silly me. Haha. Silly me..

The fourth reason, is for my friends. It's always good to let them know, to let them know that i'm fine.

There is another reason, the fifth reason. I have messages for all of you - all the readers. But that would be in the next entry :p I'm so sleepy right now~~

she : episode 5

We walked and walked. A short walk, but it felt so long, and so lonely.

It was difficult. Her hands kept slipping from mine. Her repetitive questions of inconfidence kept on flowing out from her mouth. I told her this,"Grab my hand tight." But she never did. Oh God, what should I do?

Until one time,the 3rd of March 2007. We got really lost. At a turn even I do not know of. It wasn't even our path. There, she said to me,"Let go of my hand. Go for other girl."

And the trust i rebuilt out of the broken pieces, this time, shattered irreparably.

Tired. Drained. Exhausted. Simply, numb. I just couldn't feel her anymore. So I answered like I always did,"Yes, dear."

she : episode 4

Yes, she came back. She felt bad. I stayed calm. Took a deep breath. I remembered the 5th of February.

If you reach out
I will hold your hand
If you hold my hand
I will embrace you
If you embrace me
I will give you my all

I still love her. So i forgave. I build up my trust again, and gave it to her, once again. I held her hand and she walked beside me, trying to be like how we used to be. But she always tried to slow down her pace. Walking together, but somehow I just felt alone. And of course, those questions never ceased to stop. "Do you really wanna walk with me?" And as always, my answers never pleased her inquiries.

She : Episode 3

One year. More than a year actually. 5th of February 2006 till 3rd of March 2007. Yep, we've been walking together that long. It was great. But the journey was tough in the end. Cuts and cries. Hurtful. But she kept asking,"Do you really wanna walk with me?" and so on so forth. and I kept answering,"Yes, dear." and so on so forth.

I was always holding her hand. But somehow, she slipped away. Again and again. I began to wonder,"Am I the only one reaching out my hand? Why am I not feeling hers holding mine anymore?"

Then, i couldn't find her beside me. I looked around, eagerly, anxiously, with thousand kinds of feelings racing in. And there she was, far away, in the embrace of another person. My hand had never felt so empty, but yet so heavy.

Trust? Broken.

After 3 days, she came back to me. Crying.

She : Episode 2

5th of February 2006. Yes, she found the key, unlocked the door, guided me out. I was glad. I met a lot of people who i used to only see from afar, unreachable through the small window of my beautiful house. And so I trusted her, wholeheartedly.

We seemed enjoyed walking together, but she kept asking me,"Do u really want to walk with me? Why don't you walk with her? or her? or her? or her? or her? or her? They're much better than i am. Are you sure u wanna walk with me? Really? Go for other girl. They're much much better. You don't want to walk with me. Are you sure? You can go to other girl. I'm not good enough for you. Really. Go for other girl. Go for another girl. I know you don't want to walk with me. Go."......"Do your really wanna walk with me? Are you sure?"

And my answer was always,"Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes, dear. I want to walk with you. I am certain. Only you. Just you. I do not want other girl. You, you, you, you, you, you. No other but you. Just you."......"I really want to walk with you."

And we kept walking, hand in hand. She talked a lot, and i listened joyfully. I talked sometimes, but she never really listened.

She stumbled, and i held her hand, helped her up. When i was down on my knees, she held my hand and got me back on my feet.But the questions never ceased to popped out from her mouth. And I too never stopped giving the same answers...

She : Episode 1

I had a few rough days since the 3rd of March, emotionally. Once in a while. my 'old acquaintance' would sent me looong messages, asking whys and explaining whats. Although the request to let go was her own. Was it my fault to agree? *sigh*

3rd of March 2007. I thought we're done. But even till now, it was never over....how should i put it..hmm, it's like continual rain. I really like rain, but not this kinda rain for sure. It comes, goes, comes again, goes away again. Toying with you, makes you miserable, in a sad way.

Reading

I went home last weekend. It's always good to be home. At home, I'm just a son and a brother. Simply those 2 tasks. The most natural tasks in the world, even without a father :)

I discovered something about myself last weekend, at home. I always said to myself that I can't read books and I don't like to read them. Then and there, I came across 'I'm A Muslim', a book written by an NST journalist named Dina Zaman. I was at page 100+, more than half of the book, when i noticed that 3 hours had passed.

"Hmm, I actually enjoy reading...Ohoo, now I get it, it's not that I don't like reading, I've read some great books - Rich Dad Poor Dad, Rich Dad Poor Dad for Teenagers, Copycat in Me, Millionaires in Me, I even bought 'Guide to Investing' worth RM68. Not to mention all those biotechnology textbooks, and a few motivational books (eh ade ke?..tak ingat pun, tapi ada kut) - The thing is, I only don't like to read novels!"

I know it sounds stupid, living for almost 23 years and you don't know that much about yourself. Yeah, laughable indeed.

It's really hard for me to finish a novel, especially the ones with piles of jargons and loads of imagining to do. Oh that really jumbles up all my brain cells. Arghh...headache, at one point of imagining, I'd be lost. Don't know who's who and what's what anymore. Eh, who's the hero here? Eh, who just got killed? Eh, ni watak mana plak ni? Eh, why's there a moon at broad daylight? Oh I always have hard times imagining the things the author are trying to say through his writings. And at the same time facing a short sentence with 10 words i've never even heard before in my life, so help me God. (yeah2, don't you dare say things like you need to put up an effort first before asking help from God). And I hate thinking that what i imagine is hell different than what the author is trying to say. Oh, I love manga.. The drawings help a lot! Arghhhh...kenapa kat comp lab dah takleh download!!!!

Oh, about the book, Will write about it some other time ;) Overall, it's an honest piece. I like it. Tapi tak habis baca lagi, coz my sis suddenly took it with her trip to Perlis. Just a few subchapters left. Hopefully I can get my hands on it this weekend!

The One I Want : Prologue

I've spent the last two nights listing down the criteria of the woman that I want as my wife. And I got 100! Amazing, huh? Muahaha. Saja suka-suka. I'm not yet at that stage of finding a soulmate lah :p The trust has been completely shattered and love won't be around for quite a while. It's too troublesome. I'm already worn out from the first one. Tired, and numb. Plus, I still have lots and lotsa thing to do in my 'bujang' life. Nevertheless, the list will be a good reminder for me later :)

But i'm not gonna post up the list now, so you can save your laughter later :p I'll post it up after I graduate. That's if I remember lah~ Haha.

If you read my very 1st entry, i am blogging for her. Therefore I want her to know :)

A Toothy Problem?

Setahun dua ni rasanya kurang nikmat makan. Memanglah saya dah makan bermacam-macam jenis makanan. Makan pada kadar yang melampau banyak plak tu :p Nukilan kali ini bukanlah dengan niat untuk kufur nikmat. Nauzubillah. Astaghfirullah. Alhamdulillah, saya sedar hidup saya ini dilimpahi dengan rahmat dan nikmat yang tidak terhitung :)

So the thing is, I have problem with my teeth. Mmg la, kecik2 dulu suka makan macam2, tapi malas berus gigi. muahaha. But that's not the main issue. Problem now, I can't fully utilize my fangs. Hoho, gigi taring :p Dua-dua gigi taring tumbuh ke depan sikit sebab gigi taring susu dulu dah rosak lambat cabut. Maka terpaksa la dia cari ruang lain untuk tumbuh. I've thought of wearing braces, but it'll be very costly. At least Rm2000! Tunggu kerja esok2 la. Huh, itu satu. Ada satu lagi.

Masalah yang terutama bermula sejak tumbuhnya geraham kecil atau nama lainnya geraham bongsu. Alaaa, yang kat paling hujung paling dalam tu. Biasanya tumbuh dalm lingkungan umur 20-an, saya diberitahu.

Tak tahu la semua keempat-empat geraham kecik ni dah tumbuh ke belum, tapi yang memberi masalah ialah geraham bongsu yang sebelah kanan bawah. Tumbuh pada 'angle' yang salah. Sepatutnya tumbuh menegak kan? tapi yang ini tumbuh ke hadapan. Bukan sahaja menolak gigi di hadapannya dan menyebabkan sakit, malah secara tidak langsung, menghasilkan ruang dengan gigi yang di hadapannya lalu memudahkan pengumpulan bakteria. No cure but to remove it totally through minor surgery. But it'll cost me Rm300+. Again, tunggu kerja lah~

Nevertheless, i can still eat, chew and savour any kind of delicacies wholeheartedly. Ada sapa2 nak belanja makan? sila2 (^_^)

I'll make sure that my kids will have the best dental care!! ;)

Candak Sutong

Saya pergi mencandat sotong 2 hari lepas. Itu kali ke-4 saya ke laut mencandat sotong. Kami bertolak pukul 6.30. Sewa bot, RM500, complete dgn jaket keselamatan dan alat2 mencandat. Kali ni ombak sangat kuat, tak macam yang sebelum2 ni, air tenang je. Saya pulak nak try TAK makan ubat mabuk laut kali ni. Haha. Akibatnya, muntah 2 kali. Tapi dapat jugak la sotong 2-3 ekor. Yang sedihnya, brader bot tu cakap, lepas muntah baik baring dulu. Saya pun baring la, tido kejap. Ingat kul 12 camtu nak bangun mula mencandat semula. Tapi bangun2, enjin bot dah start dah, masa tu kul 12 lebih. Rupa-rupanya kitorang terpaksa balik awal sebab nampak macam nak ribut. Brader bot tu pun dah cuak dah. Hmm, biasanya lepas subuh baru bertolak balik. Kalau tak mesti dapat berpuluh kilo sotong. Tapi kitorang dapat la jugak dekat 5 kilo sotong. Keesokannya, kitorang bakar! wahaha. best2 nyum2!! Cicah cili sos!

Here's some tips for those interested in squid fishing:

1. Musim mencandat biasanya around march-september. Tapi sebaik-baiknya ialah dlm bulan april - jun.
2. Sebaik-baiknya pergi sewaktu bulan cerah. Sotong suka cahaya.
3. Untuk yang rasa dia akan mabuk laut, bolehlah beli ubat mabuk laut di mana2 farmasi. Makan 1-2 jam SEBELUM naik bot. Jangan beli ubat mabuk darat plak tau! Check betul2.
4. Ada juga yg cakap untuk elakkan mabuk, minum air bikarbonat byk2 sebelum naik bot, utk buang angin dlm perut. (tapi tak tau la berkesan ke tak)
5. Elakkan makan selepas zohor, nanti lebih cenderung untuk muntah. Have ur lunch during lunch hour, k.
6. Mencandat sangat mudah, tak perlu umpan hidup pun. Budak kecik pun boleh buat. Tapi kena faham konsep. Candat tu luminescent, dengan kata lain, glow in the dark. Sebab sotong suka cahaya. So, setiap kali sebelum buang candat tu ke laut, pastikan ianya sudah mendapat cahaya mencukupi. Setiap bot candat dilengkapi dengan lampu spotlight, sangat terang, jgn bimbang. Atau sekiranya anda rasa ianya tidak mencukupi, bolehlah bawa torchlight sendiri. hoho.
7. Akhir sekali, ingat, mencari rezeki di laut bukanlah mudah. Sebenarnya bergantung kepada rezeki masing2 juga. Ada yg dapat byk, ada yg dpt sikit. Berdoalah moga dimurahkan rezeki. Jangan malu bertanya juga ya.

Selamat mencandat!

I Will Try To Learn

Again, 3.35 am, and yeah, i should be in bed :p Just finished watching Bridge to Terabithia, and before that, The Guardian.Both were great. At least I enjoyed myself. Learnt a few things as well. This time, I learnt that i'm not that strong.

When you think of it, you can always learn something, in every second of your life, if you want to. What you see, hear, smell, touch, taste and feel...They all race inside you, in the nerves, to your brain, in your veins, to your intangible heart. Will you learn something from it, or will you just let that split-second opportunity vanish into thin air..?

I chose to learn. I'll always choose to learn, and grab the opportunity that comes along with it.

(btw, got a new template! Still need to alter and improve on a lotta things. hoho)

Nocturnal Lutfi

I really need to fix my biologiocal clock. It's totally broken. I am so becoming nocturnal - staying up at night and sleep during the day. I don't remember when this habit started. I just can't get myself in bed at night, at least not till 3am. Sometimes the sandman comes after dawn, and i'd be sleeping til afternoon. Do u know what time is it now? It's 5.03 am for crying out loud! and I just finished watching a movie :p

(For the sake of blaming someone :p) Maybe it's the computer's fault. It helps me to stay awake - movies,games,songs,manga,anime,series. Perhaps, it's my frens visiting me at night, using my computer. Or, it's bcoz of my cellphone, people can contact me anytime, even at 2am :)

Nah, i believe.. the fault is my own. Maybe i love the night more than daylight. It's colder, quiet. Just me n myself. Or perhaps i stayed up a lot during the last semesters and it has become part of me.

Nevertheless, i'll be in trouble if i don't fix this fast. New semester will begin in a month or so. Siang cari rezeki, malam untuk rehat. I have to work hard on my fyp, so i better start early in the morning. Dealing for programs, the office won't be opened at night. My classes won't be at 3am in the morning too :p You see, everything needs me to be alive in the morning! Oh somebody cure me~~

Luppi Is Under Exciting Pressure

Selalu, bila tak online, banyak mende dlm kepala. Tp bila dah online, terus lenyap semua. Tak tau nak tulis apa, tapi dh lama tak update blog, kena tulis something gak.

I'm starting to feel the pressure of the next semester, which will start about 1 month from now. The pressure comes from my FYP (final year project) and from my task as a president. Few big programs - Annual Grand Dinner, Grad Nite, Convest, launching of Kulliyyah of Science, Trip to Beijing. Arghh...headache :p Worried, but nevertheless, excited. I bet things will be fun and things will turn out fine, as always. I have a wonderful family in Science Students Society.

I'm working on my FYP now. I've ordered the kits n chemicals!! (yesterday :p) I already went sampling for my sea cucumber last month at Langkawi. In short, my samples were contaminated. Sadly to say, I have to go to Langkawi again!! muahaha. Oh, i'm sorry, it's actually a happy thing :p Jgn jeles. And then, my supervisor said we'll go sampling to Pangkor island too. Double happy!